making the break

[cameliaheartfelt]

3 years ago,we moved away from an area where we had a joint group of friends. This isn't my scene as I hate how everyone knows your business in the group but at the time circumstances prevailed and wives got to know each other. My husband had an affair and only so many people in the group know so I just dread the day when it comes out. There is one couple who have in fact bought a second home just over an hour away from us, they are very socialble, nearly always visiting or having people round for weekends etc. They are very nosey, well she is, and I know that she has said derrogatory things about me to another friend in the group. This group of friends just reminds me of the bad times and I want to break free from it, I get really down and depressed and just want to run away sometimes. I wish I could just say that my husband has a new job abroad and say to them we will be in touch then dont. However, I know that this one couple in particular, would probably come hunting us down, as they are quite nearby, they could come to the house, to ask neighbours where we have gone etc. My best friend in my area here says to just let them down each time they ask us to do something but surely there are only so many excuses you can use. They wanted to come and visit in May and I said that we were going to be away for 3 months, accompanying my husband on business. I'm just fed up of telling lies and there's only so long you can keep a lie going for. Our other groups of friends are now in Oz, the States and Switzerland. i know that if we lose contact so to speak with the nearby couple then we will have to lose contact with everyone. My friend says I should make the break but I just dont know how. With emails, mobiles, texts these days, its easy to keep in contact after all. Any ideas? I do know that if we do make the break, it will be a never going back situation as I'm sure it would all come out about the affair etc and we would generally be talked about as they couldn't get hold of us. We moved house again a year ago and I do wish we hadn't given out our new address. The couple now have emailed about seeing us when we get back from Germany and I'm trying to prolong the agony by not replying.

[woofgang]

Are you still with your husband? What does he say/want to do? If he is happy with it then when they couple ask you to do something I would just say Oh I am sorry no that wont be possible. If they ask why not, just say that wont be possible and just keep saying it.

[sinderella]

instead of lying to them tell them the truth.
say you found out what she said and it makes you feel bad.
say her noseyness is a problem and you dont feel that your friendship is worth it and is better given to someone who values it.

[cameliaheartfelt]

yes I am still with my husband. He wants to do whatever makes me happy. But how do you just disappear when they can ring you on a mobile or at a workplace that you havent left. Sorry there is no way I would tell this woman how I feel. I would rather not hear anything back from her once she got talking about me to others if I fell out with her. I see it that we wont really see much of our friends in Oz friends and America and our friends in Switzerland have only just moved there. I want to just say hubby has got a new job, in Dubai or somewhere crazy, unconnected with our jobs now, and just say we will be in touch when we get sorted. The couple over here are definitely the type to say they will come and visit! They have even suggested we all go and visit our friends in Switzerland, how to I get out of that as it's so forward planning! It's a shame having to cut everyone off and will probably kill me to do it but the reminders are just too much to bear and are afffecting our relationship, I want to just move on.

[lcg]

you don't have to cut everyone off, just ignore the people you don't want to speak to! don't reply to e-mails or texts and only responds to messages on your answerphone. if they turn up at your door....don't answer it. i am doing this with one couple in my social circle. it has taken over six months, but i think they are finally getting the message. everyone i like talking to knows to ring me on my mobile to talk or prior to visiting my house, so i just ignore all other contact. it's not that hard, honest!

[cameliaheartfelt]

we all know each other so that would be hard to do, they would get the others to ask what the problem was surely and I dont want to bring other people into it. When friends visit from Oz they visit them first them come to us, that would be strange if we didnt have contact with them and we were asked about. That's why I think it can only be all or nothing. What happens when they ring you and you answer, we are not rude people, that's probably half the problem.

[cameliaheartfelt]

Can anyone else please help me with this?And have you ever done a similar thing ie just disappeared?Thank you,I'm new on here and not syre how much my question is viewed.

[murraymints]

I would just totally ignore the messages etc..they will get it sooner or later...I did the same with some one ..it worked..have you caller id on your phone..make sure the offending folk are on your list of contacts so you can see it is them..and ignore...If anyone else quizzes you on why you have not responded to the awful lot just say..I have my reasons...full stop !

[cameliaheartfelt]

Think would rather prefer to go out on a positive ie say moving due to work then disappear but don't know how easy or feasible to do?

[murraymints]

Would not do that as you will only get yourself tied up in ever increasing lies...and it would get totally out of hand..just be strong and do as I suggest if anyone said ..I have my reasons ..to me then I know that would curtail conversation on the topic and I would just keep out of things that clearly I was not part to !!!

[murraymints]

party to...or would want to be !

[China Doll]

How is a lie (that is easily discovered) going to be the easy way out? Either just ignore them as has been suggested or tell them. It'll only hurt for a minute or two and then it's done. You don't have to explain to other people, just tell them you don't wish to talk about it. You sound like you're making this all rather more complicated than it needs to be!

[cameliaheartfelt]

I don't think you realise just how desperate I am feeling, want immediate action and just how complicated it actually is. You can't cut off one couple when they see and email etc the rest, we would be talked about even more. I just can't stand the reminders any more and it has got to be all or nothing but I dont know how other than saying we are moving. What happens when xmas, birthdays come up and aren't reciprocated by us, they will go round asking questions even more and come looking for us.

[cameliaheartfelt]

Anyone else had this type of experience and if so what did you do? Thank you

[cameliaheartfelt]

I'm really fed up and feel like running away. What can i do? Please, any help welcome.