Crosswords5 mins ago
Porn
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Well thats got your attention!
To cut a long story short, yesterday I found out that my 13yr old son has been watching porn online. I dont just mean peeking at boobs and lady gardens. I mean downloading full blown pornographic films from illegal file sharing sites. Yes he did have software on his laptop to stop him accessing these things but he clearly managed to remove it. Anyhow, to say I am shocked is an understatement.And whats shocked me more was his reaction when I found out. He cannot see the problem. Says " all my mates watch it and sex is normal". Errrr yes it is but you should not be watching that type of stuff at your age. I obviously havent seen what he was watched but my husband has seen the titles and he says its pretty hard stuff. Not sure how to handle this one.
To cut a long story short, yesterday I found out that my 13yr old son has been watching porn online. I dont just mean peeking at boobs and lady gardens. I mean downloading full blown pornographic films from illegal file sharing sites. Yes he did have software on his laptop to stop him accessing these things but he clearly managed to remove it. Anyhow, to say I am shocked is an understatement.And whats shocked me more was his reaction when I found out. He cannot see the problem. Says " all my mates watch it and sex is normal". Errrr yes it is but you should not be watching that type of stuff at your age. I obviously havent seen what he was watched but my husband has seen the titles and he says its pretty hard stuff. Not sure how to handle this one.
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My son got caught out because he forgot to watch it incognito and as chrome has thumbnails to the most visited sites it appeared by just opening chrome.
I don't have filters but he's only allowed on the PC which is in the living room!! So he's been coming downstairs after we've gone to bed.
You're not going to be able to stop it so you'll have to be really honest about it. I've pointed out that it's not real sex, the people are pretending to enjoy it, average people cannot get into those positions, it's a performance for the camera and they get paid a lot of money but....carry on and the internet connection to the PC will be cut.
I don't have filters but he's only allowed on the PC which is in the living room!! So he's been coming downstairs after we've gone to bed.
You're not going to be able to stop it so you'll have to be really honest about it. I've pointed out that it's not real sex, the people are pretending to enjoy it, average people cannot get into those positions, it's a performance for the camera and they get paid a lot of money but....carry on and the internet connection to the PC will be cut.
While NetNanny and similar programs can block porn sites and other dodgy web sites, they can only block what they know about.
And the internet is made up of MILLIONS of computers all over the world, all connected together, with more being added every day.
So it is easy for a person in say Russia (no disrespect to Russia) to add a new computer to the internet, and store porn and other dodgy material on it.
And often these sites are kept "secret" and password protected, so unless NetNanny and other similar programs get to know about them they cant be added to the banned list.
And if they ARE added to the banned list another computer is added to the internet and the problem starts all over the again.
It is a big problem.
And the internet is made up of MILLIONS of computers all over the world, all connected together, with more being added every day.
So it is easy for a person in say Russia (no disrespect to Russia) to add a new computer to the internet, and store porn and other dodgy material on it.
And often these sites are kept "secret" and password protected, so unless NetNanny and other similar programs get to know about them they cant be added to the banned list.
And if they ARE added to the banned list another computer is added to the internet and the problem starts all over the again.
It is a big problem.
The other problem that I am sure most parents are not aware of is young people appearing nude (or even having sex) on web cams and broadcasting them over the internet.
There are loads of these "webcam" sites (I know because my son visits them and I often "tidy up" his computer when he is at work so know what sites he visits).
And I have to say some of these people look very young (maybe 14 or 15).
How many parents are aware their son or daughter, maybe as young as 13 or 14, are stripping off and displaying their "bits" over the internet.
And often these are recorded and stored on web sites to be downloaded by anybody.
I believe this is called Sexting (though this is mostly between mobile phones not sure if it applies to between web cams and computers)
http://
If a parent has a young son or daughter who has a laptop or webcam in their bedroom you should try and check up what they are actually doing.
There are loads of these "webcam" sites (I know because my son visits them and I often "tidy up" his computer when he is at work so know what sites he visits).
And I have to say some of these people look very young (maybe 14 or 15).
How many parents are aware their son or daughter, maybe as young as 13 or 14, are stripping off and displaying their "bits" over the internet.
And often these are recorded and stored on web sites to be downloaded by anybody.
I believe this is called Sexting (though this is mostly between mobile phones not sure if it applies to between web cams and computers)
http://
If a parent has a young son or daughter who has a laptop or webcam in their bedroom you should try and check up what they are actually doing.
I think you have to approach this the way you approach any issue with a modern teenager - guidance over censorship.
Have a chat with your son, and make sure that he knows that pornography is available, but it is not a representation of real life, anymore than EastEnders represents a real community.
If you can ensure that pornogrphy is not acting as a role model in terms of his epxectations of relationships and appropriate behaviour, then that is as far as you can go as a parent.
Tell him that you know, as a normal person and not a paid performer, that the activities he sees are staged, and that women, and indeed men, do not act this way in the real world, and try and ensure that he understands that sex is part of a loving relationship, rather than an animal instinct to be satisfied by rutting with the nearest member of the opposite sex.
It should form part of his wider education, that media, including film, television - and pornography - provide distorted images of reality, and knowng the difference is what separates adults from children.
Have a chat with your son, and make sure that he knows that pornography is available, but it is not a representation of real life, anymore than EastEnders represents a real community.
If you can ensure that pornogrphy is not acting as a role model in terms of his epxectations of relationships and appropriate behaviour, then that is as far as you can go as a parent.
Tell him that you know, as a normal person and not a paid performer, that the activities he sees are staged, and that women, and indeed men, do not act this way in the real world, and try and ensure that he understands that sex is part of a loving relationship, rather than an animal instinct to be satisfied by rutting with the nearest member of the opposite sex.
It should form part of his wider education, that media, including film, television - and pornography - provide distorted images of reality, and knowng the difference is what separates adults from children.
You gave him his own personal laptop and then didn't supervise whilst it was used ? Already on the wrong path, and difficult to impose proper supervision now if you have already been quite lax about it.
Can only suggest the laptop is taken away because of his misuse of it, overriding the parental control thus proving he can't be trusted. And insist you are with him when he uses the family PC in future.
As for the "all my mates ..." that is an old excuse, you don't have to make the same error as other parents are making. And "sex is normal" is true but you can explain to him that until he is old enough to tell the difference between normal sex and fantasy then what he is downloading is probably not to be considered "normal".
Can only suggest the laptop is taken away because of his misuse of it, overriding the parental control thus proving he can't be trusted. And insist you are with him when he uses the family PC in future.
As for the "all my mates ..." that is an old excuse, you don't have to make the same error as other parents are making. And "sex is normal" is true but you can explain to him that until he is old enough to tell the difference between normal sex and fantasy then what he is downloading is probably not to be considered "normal".
Not really sure what the main issue is to be honest, having been a 13 year old boy once. If your husband senses that the kind of stuff your lad is watching is 'pretty hard stuff' then he obviously believes their are limitations of what is acceptable and what is not and can discuss this with your son.
If the main issue is pc abuse etc,. then this is easily solved as recommended above.
If the main issue is pc abuse etc,. then this is easily solved as recommended above.
A 13 year old boy's curiosity, mixed in with hormones that he wont have experinced before, mixed with the fact the most of his mates will talk about porn will ultimately lead to this. Is it normal - yes perfectly. Will it disturb you - yes definitely!!
My concern would be the influence it has on him long term. His perception of sex will be how it is demonstrated in hardcore pornography, which in my experience doesnt represent real sex, although we do perhaps try and re-create it! But boys will be boys, there are plenty of free porn sites on the web which are like youtube (but for adults) they ofcourse will flood your computer with virus's but are literally 2 clicks away with no credit card or payment needed.
Is it his own computer or one shared by the family, would you consider confiscating it? He is in the wrong in one sense but perfectly normal in the other. Good luck!
My concern would be the influence it has on him long term. His perception of sex will be how it is demonstrated in hardcore pornography, which in my experience doesnt represent real sex, although we do perhaps try and re-create it! But boys will be boys, there are plenty of free porn sites on the web which are like youtube (but for adults) they ofcourse will flood your computer with virus's but are literally 2 clicks away with no credit card or payment needed.
Is it his own computer or one shared by the family, would you consider confiscating it? He is in the wrong in one sense but perfectly normal in the other. Good luck!
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Smowball - you're caught between a rock and a hard place. You can confiscate the laptop but then what is to stop him watching porn on one of his mates computers?
I think your only effective course of action is to monitor and control at arms length. You have already spoken to him and should continue to do so, you apparently have a good relationship with him, use that to your advantage and don't alienate him.
With luck, it is a phase that will pass with no permanent damage.
I think your only effective course of action is to monitor and control at arms length. You have already spoken to him and should continue to do so, you apparently have a good relationship with him, use that to your advantage and don't alienate him.
With luck, it is a phase that will pass with no permanent damage.
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