Saving Our Mother Daughter Relationship Is Important To Me

[Cocacolaaa]

I've been having some troubles with my mother. She is a beuaiful person, and we both live in different countries. Recently we have been arguing a lot. She refuses to phone me, so at the moment we have no communication. We were speaking over whatsapp for ages, but I don't like it. I have a bad wifi connection and i was having to sit in one area of the house just to talk to her... Our communication has broke down. She has recently told me that she does not know me, and I completly understand where she is coming from. I have changed a lot over the past 3 years, and all for the better. So naturally I am happy about that. But I am aware that my mother feels like she doesnt know me anymore... I need and want to fix this. But without communication its more difficult. I like the country I live in now, it's very healthy for me. It gave me space for me to mature and grow up, and as a result of that, I am doing great! My mum knows this too. See, the other problem is that my mother has been diagnosed with COPD, a lung disorder, due to smoking. So I feel the need to be nearer her, but we argue a lot.

I just don't know what to do about this... It's a problem for me. She recently also told me that she doesnt like me. and that I should stop contacting her. Now when I contact her, she doesnt answer the phone... she makes no effort at all... She says she has accepted that she does not get along with her daughter... and I find it very upsetting to listen to this.
I know we need to resolve our issues and become friends, I would love to do this. But I dont know how to do it. We live in different countries and she doesnt seem to like me. I don't know what to do. She lives alone. I love her dearly, and I just want us to be friends again, she is a very special woman, and mother. I love her. x

[ummmm]

That's sad :-(

I don't think there is much you can do if she won't answer the phone.

What about writing her a letter?

[murraymints]

Very very sad....you'll have to sit down and write her a long letter saying all of this....Good luck ..x

[woofgang]

yes do write, but remember that it takes two.....

[andy-hughes]

I would agree - a carefully worded letter may re-open communications again.

What ever has gone on, you have a unique bond as mother and daughter, which many mothers and daughters will atest, can be seriously strained, but rarely broken beyond repair.

Open your heart in a letter, and that means it is up to your mum to take the next step.

Good luck.

[Sqad]

Your relationship with your mother, for reason which are not clear, has irretrievably broken down.

Move on and develop your own life, otherwise you will have this "crusade" for rehabilitation having around your life to the detriment of others close to you.

[Peaspeculiars]

I'm in agreement with the others - write a heartfelt letter and get someone to read it before sending to ensure there are no 'blame' references. To get the relationship back up and running, try to be positive in the letter to make it easier for her to pick up the phone.
Do you think that your mother might be trying to distance herself from you because of her diagnosis and is trying to lessen the blow so to speak?
It's good that you have landed on your feet and are happy - have you invited her over to visit and involve her physically in your new life? It might give her a boost to have a change of scenery and to clear the air face to face rather than long distance. Hopefully she will call you after the letter and start communicating again.
All the best.

[lcg]

relationships are a two way thing.....only do what you are happy to and all people change over time. if she can't accept this, it will cause you grief. me and my hubby do not speak to our parents (over the last 20 years) and it is the best thing we ever did. we speak to other family, but you need to look after yourself. if you don't do that, you will never truly be able to have a decent relationship with her. you are both adults - why doesn't she change?