Does This Make Sense?

[ukanonymous]

Basically we have created a new cryptocurrency that is based around charity and have this down as a breif explanation of our objectives. But does it make sense and have I made any mistakes? Thank you

We are here to form the world based on our views of life and each individuals importance and greatness. Our mission is to unite humanity and the world to harmony, which has been ripped from us by the megalomaniacs that rule us. We will not be looked at through a prism of delusion by the tyrants who kill for greed and to comfort their lack of self worth. We will help anonymously and with more dignity than the bravest warrior who fights for a power hungry leader. No longer will we listen to the vile fairytales to fill the gullible and paint over the crimes to the innocent. .

[kvalidir]

//We will not be looked at through a prism of delusion by the tyrants who kill for greed and to comfort their lack of self worth. //- that's a bit superfluous and detracts I think and

//No longer will we listen to the vile fairytales to fill the gullible and paint over the crimes to the innocent. // could do with altering as the 'fill the gullible ' part sits awkwardly to me.


Other than that it's good and you can count me in :)

[ukanonymous]

fill the gullible comment just take out the whole sentence do you think?

[kvalidir]

If it were me writing it, and this is purely a personal opinion, I'd go with something like:-

//We are here to form a world based on our views of life and each individuals importance and greatness. Our mission is to unite humanity and the world to harmony, which has been ripped from us by the megalomaniacs that rule us. We will help anonymously and with more dignity than the bravest warriors who fight for a power hungry leader.//

I think you then need a closing sentence but the one you had just didn't make much sense to me or scan nicely.

[woofgang]

I am not sure how you can stop people looking at you any way that they choose, even if they are deluded tyrants?
"to harmony" should be changed to "in harmony"

There is nothing objective there at all...objectives should be specific, measurable achievable relevant and time bound...Ie you should be able to describe what achieving the objective will look like and at what point you will decide that what you are doing won't achieve your objective and either its not achievable or what you are doing isn't working.

Also not sure what right you have to form the world based on YOUR views. Doesn't that make you deluded tyrants yourselves, no matter how well meaning?