Jobs & Education0 min ago
Why Does Death Cause so Many Arguments?
After having a very rocky and unloving relationship, with my parents, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last year. When I heard this I went around to see them, but my mother shut the door and told me I was not welcome, however in May of this year they did let me in, as it was obvious they did need my help, he was in a shocking state, and if anyone has seen someone die of this, they will know what I mean. It was to be his last week of life. So since then, I have been keeping in touch with my mother, either a phone call, or going around for a cup of tea, just to see how she is, I know I can ever recapture that mother and daughter relationship, but I'm just doing what I think is right. Since he has died, there has been nothing but arguments with me and my own daughters. Not only me, but my daughters have never had a relationship with their grandparents either, so its understandable. My daughters, dont think I should be going to see her, although I have been told, a phone call is acceptable to them. But because I have gone over there, my daughters are now not talking to me, and its hurting so bad. They will always come first, no matter what, our relationship has always been what I never had! Why cant accept the fact, that I am just doing, what I feel is right, and be happy for me??
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Perhaps because you are now finding some middle ground with your own mother they feel maybe that hey are losing a part of you, or maybe that they just cannot understand why you would want to be part of something that rejected you for so long. Whatever the history, everyone is experiencing an emotional reaction and tensions will be high.
It is maybe time to sit down with your daughters and tell them exactly what you have said here and explain that you need them as much as your mum needs you in this difficult time.
Write to your daughters explain that although the relationship between yourself and your parents was poor they are/were still your parents and you do not want history to repeat its self, tell your daughters you will always love them, after all a mothers love is unconditional, but you do now feel you need some kind of mother/daughter relationship.
As you grieve for your father and what might have been,you are now realizing, probably subconciously, that your mother will not always be there and this is a frightening thought, and you are aware of how alone your mother is and how she needs the comfort of your visits, Your daughters appear to be jealous which is sad, do they not want to get to know their gran? does she not want her grandchildren, could your mother write explaining the comfort your visits bring her.Don't let your daughters dictate who you should see, write to them, send cards they will return to their loving mother
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