Christmas Announcements (3)

DTCwordfan | 18:53 Fri 12th Dec 2014 | ChatterBank

9 Answers

Palace of Saint DTC in the Hallowed Land of Kernow
Christmas Advent 2014
[i] thanks to Mark Twain & His Letter to Santa Claus[i]

My Dear Pixie,

I have received and read all the AB letters which you and your fellow

ABers have written me . . . . I can read your and mazie's, elliemay's, Peter Pedant's, Fluffy's, Wendilla's, Ferlews Sandy Roe's and many others
jagged and fantastic Baldric/Sloopy uncorrected grammar marks without any trouble at all. ButI had trouble with those letters which you dictated through your Gness, Psybbo and that nurse, Mamya for I am one of AOG's and bazwill's beloved foreigners and cannot read English writing well. You will find that I made no mushroom mistakes about the things which you and theABers ordered in your own letters.

I will be divebuddying it down your chimney at number 237SJ at midnight when you are asleep and will have delivered them all myself - and kissed the likes of Talbo and Blackadder, too, grumpy01s that they are. . . . But . . . there maybe . . . one or two small orders which I could not fill because we ran out of stock, things like those vibrators, electric saws and jemmies.

There was a word or two in your Gness's letter which . . . I took to
be "a trunk full of Mrs O's clothes." Is that it? I will call at your
kitchen door about nine o'clock this morning to inquire. But I must
not see anybody and I must not speak to anybody but you. When the
kitchen doorbell rings, Boaty and Slappy must be blindfolded and sent to the door. You must tell Slappy he must walk on tiptoe and not speak--
otherwise he will have to work nights for two weeks. Then you must go up to the bedroom and stand on a chair or Mamya's bed and put your ear to the Albs speaking tube (down- tone the Scots accent please) that leads down to the kitchen and when I whistle through it, like a tiggerblue, you must speak in the tube and say, "Welcome, DTCClaus!" Then I will ask whether it was a trunk of Mrs O's Clothes you ordered or not.

If you say it was, I shall ask you what Tilly-colour you want the clothes to
be and the sizes too. . . and then you must tell me every single thing in detail which you want the trunk to contain. no sparkling thongs or whips, I hope.

Then when I say "Good-bye and a merry Christmas to my little Pixie and ABers," you must say "Good-bye good old DTC Claus, I thank you very much." No rabeting on, please, and you will have nailedit.

Then you must go down into the maggiebee library and make Slappyclose all the doors that open into the main weather centre, and everybody must keep still for a little while. Yes, and that includes lardhelmet, rockyracoon and shaneystar.

I will go to near Wet Willy, on Bodmin Moor and get those things and in a few minutes I will come down the chimney that belongs to the fireplace that is in Ed's hall--if it is a Mrs O trunk you want--because I couldn't get such a thing trunk down the nursery chimney, you know unless I join the AB losing weight club . . . .If I should leave any snow in the hall, you must tell boaty to sweep it into the canal, for I haven't time to do such things.

boaty must not use a Sipowicz broom, but a rag--else he will be off down the Tudor Arms. . . . If my boot should leave a stain on the minty-polished marble,they must not holyvenatorstone it away. Leave it there always in memory of my visit; and whenever you look at it or show it to anybody you must let it remind you to be good girls and boys. Whenever you are naughty and someone points to that mark which your good old DTCClaus's boot made on the marble, or else it will be a Mod Suspension or an Ed ban.

What will you say, little sweetheart, Pixie?

Good-by for a few minutes, till I come down to the AB world and ring the doorbell, the one with the knob and bɵlls on the Gnome, I am assuming

Your loving DTC Claus
Whom people sometimes call
"What is in the Cornish water tonight?"