Am I Over-Reacting??

[Smowball]

Teen Smow has done so well- passed all his GCSE’s, got a brilliant job, met a lovely girl and everything fabulous. Then 6 months ago they decide they want to get their own place to rent. Which I thought was far too soon and far too much responsibility but it was up to them. So at the age of just 18 he has rent, council tax, gas, electric, shoppping etc etc. Which seems mad to me but there you are. They both work full time and work very hard. I get on v well with her too. Teen Smow and I are very close, he’s always ringing or txting me and we had lovely long chat on phone on Sunday.
So it came as a huge shock lastnight whilst doing some work on my iPad that a photo popped up of the two of them together with the title WE’RE ENGAGED! I actually thought it was a joke. Did a double take and looked again. Tons of congratulation comments etc .... it had been posted hours ago. I was literally speechless. Rightly or wrongly I message him and said ‘well I didn’t expect to find out that bit of news on FB x’. To which he replied he’d told her not to post it (he rarely even uses FB). I said I was upset and he asked why. I said could you not have said to her don’t post anything till I’ve at least rang Mum and told her. He said she’d already done it by the time he realised. Still didn’t explain why he hadn’t told me. Anyway not wanting to argue I said it was late (it was) , I congratulated him and said I would call him today. Apart from the fact I have no idea WHY he has got engaged, do you think I over reacted? Or would you be upset too?

[Canary42]

You're not really over-reacting - merely applying the standards of your generation which is natural. I hope he makes it quite clear however to his fiancee that a little more understanding for your feelings would not come amiss. Alas she belongs to the new Me Me Me generation.

[anneasquith]

The explanation I believe is , they are 18 years ols. Facebook/ social media is the new ,God. No you did not overreact.

[jennyjoan]

yes I would be upset that you weren't told first of all but I'm not a mother but do see loads of teenagers here where I live and it is a totally different attitude they have - it seems - "just go with the flow" and they genuinely don't realise how much they can hurt but they don't mean to

[jennyjoan]

thats right Canary - me me me generation very much

[bednobs]

"Apart from the fact I have no idea WHY he has got engaged"
probably the normal reasons - it's the next natural step on from living together really. we asked my parents (and his parent's !)permission before we got engaed. I think i would be miffed if i heard over FB though

[Smowball]

Just can’t get over it. He’s so sensible, far beyond his years. Has saving plans in place etc, so I can’t for the life of me think why on earth he has got engaged!

[bednobs]

why not?
Because they love each other?
because they want to get married and start a family?
Why did YOU get engaged?

[Smowball]

Bednobs they don’t want to start a family - twice in the last month she has walked out for 24 hrs because she is so stressed about the financial strain they’ve put themselves under. They’ve already admitted they should have never taken on a house, but looked for a little flat.

[jackthehat]

At his age, getting engaged is less a first-step to marriage and more a statement of 'exclusivity'.....

I've been in a similar situation and, yes, it is upsetting and a little galling, too. But his 'fiancee' will have been so caught up in the moment and thrilled that she wouldn't have given you much of a thought, I'm afraid.

I imagine teen-smow will be annoyed with her but it's all a little bit after-the-fact now.

You'll probably find he had spent a little while working out how best to break the news/explain his reasons (or more probably how to shoot down any arguments you may raise....LoL) and that accounts for the delay.

Just smile and congratulate them.......it's all you can realistically do. xx

[Smowball]

Oh I’m not going to fall out with him over it and I have congratulated him, it was just the way I found out.

[nailit]

Think that I would be miffed if I found out over FB that my son had got engaged as well.

[andy-hughes]

No matter how close we are to our children, they can and do throw curve balls from time to time.

From what you have said, your sone obviously intended you to know before the rest of the world via mass media - it was out of his hands that you found out the way you did.


Looking dispassinately, as of course I can, I think this was done with lack of thought, rather than intention to hurt, so you must do as you are doing, climb over it, and accept it for the error in judgement that it was.

[murraymints]

I'd be upset too..and a bit perturbed given their ages and financial wobbles..BUT...if they are happy..then all you can do is smile and be happy for them..and.....wait in the wings....

[kvalidir]

Well they have obviously got engaged because they love each other and want to get married. I think it's rude not to have informed you before it was posted to social media, but he might have been procrastinating trying to decide how to tell you because you're obviously not keen on the idea and she was probably very excited and posted it prematurely. It's unfortunate but unless you want it to drive a dge between you I'd simply congratulate them and try to throw yourself into the excitement they are obviously feeling.

[Smowball]

It’s just as though he’s gone from leaving school to being 30! He’s completely missed a huge chunk of being a teenager out! The stress free bit, going out with mates etc......

[-SharonA-]

He's very young smow!!
Getting back to FB, I would be miffed. Not a nice way to find out, but with the younger generation, it seems to be their way of communication.
I found out via Facebook that my son had passed his driving test.........
Not the same I know.

[New Judge]

Whether or not they were right in getting engaged is another argument. But I think both of them were extremely rude in not making sure that you (and her parents) were the first to know. The idea that "Social Meeja" is the new God cuts no ice. An announcement such as that should have been made to you (or her parents) first and foremost and in person. Only when they were certain that you both knew should they have started faffing about with Twitface or whatever else to their hearts' content.

I don't believe you are over-reacting at all. Social Media (or more properly in this case anti-Social Media) does not trump common courtesy and good manners. It reflects a little badly on them (or perhaps more properly her) as it seems the panic to get the news onto the airwaves actually clouded their judgement which they are going to need a lot of in the years to come. It should make you wonder (as it would me) whether they are going a little too fast.

[Arksided]

Bless you Smow... but have you thought that it may be a (Sorry for saying this) a shotgun wedding type of engagement.

[Ellipsis]

The engagement is more significant to you and her than it is to him, Smow. To him, it doesn't mean they're about to get married or that anything significant has changed, just that they've agreed they'll get married some time in the future. You and she see it differently, which is why you each behaved as you did.

[anneasquith]

Oh no !!