Child Confusion.

[82buttons]

POSTING FOR MY SISTER:
My 13 year old is just came out that she's wanting to be a boy. Im the kind of mom that will support my kids in whatever they do or what makes them happy. But I am also aware of The bigger picture. And feel it's a phase. And she is confused. But I let her cut her hair short like a boy. Wears her brothers clothes. Bought her a wrap that makes it so her boobs ain't showing. We address her as him/brother instead of her/sister. But now she wants me to call her school and have them address her as a boy. And this is were I'm not sure what to do. I just don't think a 13 year old really understands what they wants. But hers my reason for thinking it's more about others then herself.
She has a 18 year old sister who came to us with her being pansexual. (Meaning doesn't matter the sex. It's about the person.) And they have been talking about it. She also has a bisexual auntie who's open to it. And both are proud of who they are. They go to the pride parade every year. And the last 2 years my 13 year old has gone. And I believe now that she's hit puberty. She's going through emotions and getting confused on if shes straight or even questioning her own sex. Now please know she went from makeup and hair done perfect everyday. Having crushes on boys. To wanting to be a boy. I think she's confused. And with being in junior high. I don't think the kids will be accepting as she would want them to be. As we all know those school years only get worse with kids judging others. And because I feel shes confused I don't think having the school address her as a boy is a good idea at this time. She can dress as one of she likes. I have no problem with that.
My question is what to I say to her so she knows I'm being support of but also trying to keep her safe.

[kvalidir]

You could just say what you have said to us, but she's likely to view it as lip service, there is also the possibility that if you won't do that she'll out herself to everyone anyway, hard to know not knowing her. I think you need to have a heart to heart about it and then go with whatever way she feels best. You only get one crack at being a parent and she'll remember how you handle this. If it turns out she's straight and happy with her gender as assigned at birth then she'll still remember you were awesome and supportive of her no matter who she was and if she really does identify as a boy then you will be doing her / him the biggest favour possible.

[rowanwitch]

I am surprised she didn't show signs earlier, she might have struggled to be a little girl because that's how people expected her to be. I would take an opportunity or two to explore how she felt when she was younger. Before she does anything drastic re school I would contact them and ask if there are any appropriate psychology service she could be referred to. An objective opinion might help you to come up with a good way of working through the next few years

[Buenchico]

I certainly think that you should talk to your daughter's teachers about the situation. (The very fact that you've done so will hopefully help to reassure your daughter that you've genuinely got her interests at heart). However that's not the same as saying that you should demand that she's addressed as a boy. See how the school staff view the situation. (They probably see your daughter interacting with members of her peer group more often than you do, and they'll be able to stand back from the emotions that a parent feels, so they might be better placed than you to see the best way forward).

However both you and your daughter need to be aware that there's a lot of prejudice out there, so it's not going to be an easy path:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-45199499
(I'd like to think that here in the UK, where this website is based, we're rather more liberal and enlightened than some people in Oklahoma appear to be - but I'm not entirely sure about that).

[Old_Geezer]

IMO, at 13 she's plenty of years left yet to make drastic decisions. No need to rush into it at a time when puberty has struck. It's not the end of the world to make decisions as an adult when life is more level. It wouldn't hurt to talk to teachers though. They may have insight.