A Neice

[jennyjoan]

Last night I was contacted by a cousin (whom I only met once in my lifetime) - she phoned me - don't even know how she got my number but that is by the by.

She told me that a daughter that my deceased brother had about 50 years was able to contact her via DNA and contacted her on her laptop asking her would she (cousin) know anything about her father which cousin never even met my brother in her life as he moved and died in London.

I was absolutely stunned by this because whilst my dad had 4 bros and they had loads of children (my cousins) we (cousins) never bothered throughout our lives - just one of those things. Anyway this cousin has asked my permission if I could sorta be in contact with this niece re her father (sorta Long Lost Family). Niece wants to know all about her father and to be honest since he moved away at 18 I don't have much to tell her either.

I am in a bit of quandary as I honestly don't know whether to get involved leading to other questions cos this niece has about another 7 or 8 cousins she wouldn't know about.

Would you allow the contact take place or leave it alone. This relationship between my brother and her mother couldn't go further as they were Catholic and Protestant and her father was very angry about the relationship. Any advice necessary. Thanks

[roadman]

I would just say im sorry i do not know maybe these 7 cousins you also didnt know about could help

[Ken4155]

Do as you see fit, JJ. You are under no obligation to converse with this woman. And, if you have nothing to say which would help, why would you even bother?

[jennyjoan]

Roadman - I'm the aunt - the other 7 cousins would be offspring of my dead brothers and are young - ie 38years to 46.

[jennyjoan]

thanks Ken - that's the point - don't know what I see fit. Last time I seen this little girl (now 50) she was about 2 or 3.

[Redhelen72]

Why would you not want to she is your brother’s child.

[Vagus]

Definitely I’d allow contact, in fact I’d welcome it.
You can only tell her what you know, even if it’s very little.

[jennyjoan]

good answer Redhelen - but I have so much going on in my own life - I don't want any added problems (if there was any). If in doubt don't do it. Believe me myself and my sister are trying to help the other nephews and nieces and to be honest - it's enough.

[burlyshirley]

Oh jj all I can say is I wish my brother had a daughter, that would be lovely. Sad that religion caused so many problems when she was born, what a waste.

[Redhelen72]

Ok well I feel sorry for this girl she has been robbed of a family for a stupid religious reasons.
Your other family have had you for the last 60 years!

[jennyjoan]

Unfortunately nephews would say LOL

[Mamyalynne]

Perhaps she wants to know what her Dad was like as a boy?

However if you have no time then you should be honest and tell her so, that would be the fair thing to do.

[roadman]

unfortunately lol good one jennyjoan

[jennyjoan]

You forget that perhaps since she is around 50 - probably has loads of immediate family of her own etc. Gawd dont know what to do.

And whilst this is awful but I don't any more "visitors" stay overs any more - I have enough of those over the years.

I will give it some thought.

[roadman]

jennyjoan just because you contact or accept contact from this woman doesnt invite them round to sleep the night i think she is just wanting some information about her family maybe she is looking to connect but it doesnt mean you have to be the one to connect but if you can help then it would be nice just make sure never to mention visiting and if they do then say no sorry im old and covid and all that

[jennyjoan]

old covid and rabid LOL

[gness]

JJ. I'm close to one of my cousins here. Three years ago she discovered that her older sister had given birth to a daughter in the 60s in the UK and had the baby adopted.
That daughter was in the village searching for her birth mother's family.
It has been just wonderful. She's a great lady and happy beyond belief to have found so many relatives. Photos were taken and the joy on her face would bring a tear to the eye.
Covid has restricted further visits so I've yet to meet her. I only know a little about her mum due to the age difference between us but I'll happily share the few lovely and funny tales I have.

It's up to you of course. What would your brother like you to do?

[Mamyalynne]

As we have seen today on AB with the sad news of Ummmm's passing, life can be cruelly cut short and people long to know there past and what makes them who they are.

[gness]

So very true, Mamya. When I saw the first photo of my cousin's niece my heart skipped a beat. I messaged my brother and asked him his first thought. His reply was what I had seen. She is the double of her late mother.
I later saw her on a TV quiz show. Her mannerisms and behaviour is her mum. For all she had a happy life with good adoptive parents she now has another family to connect with in so many ways and knows the history of a family she also belongs to.

[tamborine]

As youre the only true blood relative to the daughter of ur brother, you should allow contact to share your brothers life with her. She might even get your sofa from England, haha.

[anneasquith]

Jj. No one knows you or your circumstances more than your sister, discuss with her .