I can also just say 'Good Luck' and wish you well. I don't suppose that you can say that the people on this site know you fairly well and support you, can you? It might be worth trying.
Why can't you pick fruit? Area?
You seem to have abandoned yourself. On here - we haven't abandoned you. We actually care..... weird though you may think it.
Is there any chance that you can re-read all the posts over the last week or so? There have been so many words of encouragement.
I was talking today to my lecturer in Creative Writing.
He is a reformed alcoholic/druggie/homosexual - active in London in the early years of this century. He also woke up in hospitals not knowing how he got there. I think that he must be not much younger than you. Heck, we've seen pictures of him stoned out of his mind and wearing black rubber shorts!
He is a good man. He is writing and earning and finishing his PhD.
When I asked how to help you, he said 'Tell him he has to make a decision and stick to it. It's making the decision that is hardest.'
Over to you, Nailedit, and the very best of luck.