Extreme Big Brother

[snook]

This Celebrity Big Brother, it's got me thinking about a more extreme version. Let's say a group of celebrities were to be sent away to a remote island, indefinitely (although we'd keep that bit from them, of course), and with only their own individual skills and talents to keep them going. Who would you choose to send, and why? And when there, what would that individual's role be?

I'm thinking, Noel Edmonds first, because� well, just because he's Noel Edmonds, and he could be in charge of entertainment � I'm sure he'd have them all in stitches with his hilarious House Party-style comedy routines� now that would make good television, watching them all suffer that, night after night, til someone snaps and drowns him in his own gunge...

And next�no, I'll leave that to you. Who would you nominate?

[souldriver]

Jordan (Katie Price) just because the uk would be a better place with out her.

[Metz]

Antony Worrall Thompson, he was a bit of a rebel in I'm A Celeb Get me Out Of Here, in charge of cooking

[smurfchops]

First and foremost Victoria Beckham to get up everyone's noses and realise she is just nothing special AT ALL; Davina McCall for the same reason. Bruce Forsythe could teach them to tap dance; Liz Hurley for no particular reason, Ulrika Jonsson and John Leslie for sparks to fly; Gillian McKeith could help them eat the right foods, Angus Deayton because he annoys me as well, oh and please don't bring any of them back. Enough or do you want more? I feel better now ... :)

[snook]

Thanks for your contribution, Judie, much appreciated. And definitely more, please! Since it�s a one-off we might as well squeeze in as many as possible. It�s very therapeutic, don�t you find? I could write a whole list just on my own but I really want to leave this open for lots of individual contributions. Oh, and no, they won�t be coming back any time soon� or ever, in fact!! Oh, doesn�t that sound so go-o-o-od!!

Just a few ideas� any footballers you think deserve to be there? Perhaps they could organise a team. Or maybe even form a group to advise on the evils of drink (wouldn�t want anyone getting off their heads on fermented coconut milk, would we�)

Or how about someone to tell them how to decorate their new tree houses or beach huts� I won�t even mention frilly shirts and leather trousers, wouldn�t want to influence you in any way.

How about a few more entertainers� any magicians fit the bill (little tiny ones that you possibly used to like, but perhaps not a lot)? Or singers? (Yeah, Judie, I know you suggested Posh, but I said singers�)

Perhaps they�d need a few politicians to help them organise a perfectly natural island into a modern, fully functioning economy� God help it. Any ideas, anyone? Are there any politicians we could manage without? I know, that�s a tough one! Over to you�

[lionelhutz]

but they already have the jungle thing, celeb love island and survivor. been there done that.

[smurfchops]

I will have another think .. oh and please don't pay them either....

[snook]

Lionelhutz, I think you're missing the point... they ain't comin' back!

[roars of approval from the audience]

[smurfchops]

Ok you've got me writing a list now so I don't forget anyone ... here goes ... Amanda Holden, Laurence Llewellyn Bowen, Rosie or Sophie from Corrie - the Goth one that keeps frowning - Tamzin Outhwaite, Princes Edward and Andrew, Lloyd Grossman, Denis Norden, Lorraine Kelly so her terrible squeaky voice can annoy everyone, Des O'Connor so his false laughing can do the same, Naomi Campbell for more sparks and Kate Moss cos she is just a waste of space. Shall I go on ... ??

[smurfchops]

And Denis Norden has to take his clip board .. he wouldn't be able to function without it. Does he function, by the way?

[snook]

Judie, you�re a star! That�s what we want, lists. Get them all aboard and let's get shut of them all!

Yes, Denis Norden can take his clipboard (he�d be lost without it) and he can use it to slap people round the head if they become as annoying as he is. Llewellyn-Bowen, obviously he can go too, it�d be a shame not to get rid of him while we can (though I did see him on a programme doing an art class in prison, introducing art to the prisoners, and he was okay with them, really, not annoying at all� strange really). Now, who else� oh yeah, Loyd Grossman, was there ever a person more aptly named� and that voice! And squeaking Lorraine Kelly. Yeah, they can all go in a group together, to nag and annoy each other. Or to work as a nagging group, to torture the others! How about little Gingernuts, whatsisname, er� speccy little git, loadamoney and really annoying, whining voice� TGIF� Chris Evans, that�s him! He�s got to go! (Billie Piper can stay though!)� Naomi Campbell, �cos although she�s very beautiful, she�s totally unattractive, and poker-faced with it.

We need more! Can�t believe we�re the only few that find all these �celebrities� highly annoying. I really thought this thread would take off, in a big way. Come on, ABers, let�s have some names on the list, it�s nearly time for them to cast off.

(Oh, by the way, if you really are ready to get shut of Amanda Holden, can I have her? I�ll keep her in a little cupboard under the stairs, and I promise she�ll be nice and quiet� you won�t even know she�s there!)

[smurfchops]

snook I can see we are birds of a feather. I'll keep thinking .. oh yes that has reminded me ... Linda whatsername of Birds of a Feather .. is it Robson?

[snook]

I'll come up with a few too Judie. Let's face it there are plenty to choose from! And this is our chance to get shut!

[snook]

Richard and Judy � that�ll keep everyone entertained in the mornings! (Des O�Connor can take over later in the day.)

Vanessa Feltz and Mr Motivator, they could get busy keeping everyone in shape (yeah, Vanessa�s shape!). Oh, while we�re at it, Russell Grant.

Tony Blair, just in case anyone thought the island would run perfectly all by itself.

Handy Andy, Linda Barker and the entire crew of Changing Rooms (why pick on Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen when you can pick on them all??)

Everyone who�s ever won Big Brother. No, everyone who�s ever been on Big Brother.

Bosses I�ve worked for over the years (yeah, I know you don�t know them, but trust me, you�d agree if you did).

Robson Green.

Jeffrey Archer.

Lenny Henry, and the kid in school who once told him he was funny. He believed it.

Julian Clary. Enough!!

Terry Wogan (I know he�s a decent bloke, and he can be very funny, but let�s face it, we�ve had just about enough of him by now � and he just won�t go away, not of his own choosing anyway).

Jim Davidson� don�t get me started on Jim Davidson.

Noel Edmonds. Did I mention Noel Edmonds?

Derek Hatton. Say no more.

Terry and June (I think Terry �is no more�, but I�m not sure I�m accepting that as an excuse � he�s nominated anyway for inflicting Terry and June on us. If they hadn�t started showing repeats on some duff channel recently, he might�ve got away with it).

Craig Charles, Sandy Toksvig, Anne Robinson, Roger McGough (oh so many� we�re gonna need a bigger boat!)

Bye, everyone! You all enjoy yourselves, y�hear?!

[smurfchops]

Snook, dare I say ... I actually quite like Robson Green. Only a little bit though ... I am still trying to think of some more, but how I agree with you is uncanny.

[smurfchops]

And I have just thought of two more ... Cilla Black and Ainsley Harriott. I think you should put this post on again, it's getting a bit low down in the list of questions now and maybe someone else might join our conversation. Nice talking to you snook.

[snook]

Okay, look Judie, about Robson Green, truth is I don�t know anything about him, haven�t really seen him in anything, I just took an instant dislike to him for some inexplicable reason (sometimes it just kinda saves time!). If you like, he can stay! But we don�t need to keep seeing him all over the place on TV, so it�s probably best you take this one home (you do have a cupboard under the stairs, don�t you?? Don�t worry, he�s only likkle!).

You must be a shrewd judge of people Judie, that�s all I can say, if we agree so much in our assessments. And highly intelligent too, I�ll bet! Wow, what a woman!! ;o)

[smurfchops]

Very highly intelligent, that's why I'm on this website all the time. And I'm lickle too, so Robson and I will both fit perfectly under the stairs. Oh those blue eyes. The mind boggles. By the way I thought of someone else today to add to the list but now I've forgotten who it is. So not that intelligent eh? I will carry on writing them down. Oh yes! Anthea Turner of course!

[smurfchops]

Did anyone mention Carol Vorderman?

[snook]

How could we have missed her? She's on TV way too much. Outlived her welcome long time ago. Come on down, Carol, there's a seat here for you!

Judie, you're right, I should resubmit this so others can join in (actually I was amazed no-on apart from us did).

[snook]

This question has been resubmitted in People & Places. Go look!!