What wrong with me?

[Natalie2k9]

Hi, Im a lil bit nervous as what im about to say is goin to make me sound terrible!

Im a 19 year ld woman n i feel a mess!! Ive been through alot in my past and i think its affected my life in a big way!

I seem to b a bitch all the time to my family n to my boyfriend who i love so much! i just cant seem to stop myself from bein nasty! but the thing thts gettin to me is that i dont think im in the wrong when im doin but ill realise about 3 hours later!!

Like take for instance, me n my grandparents havent really got on in the past but since i bin with my bf theyv seemd to warm to me, they even helped me out with my spendin money for y holiday!! i apreciate what they did for me dont get me wrong!! but they day after i got home one of my good friends had her baby boy so i went to the hospital to see her for a hour but wen i went down to see my grandparents they called me sellfish n sed that i use them! all they want is for me to say sorry, but am i right in wantin a apoligy first? for sayin that i used them?

My bf also had a go at me about it in the car on the way home n i just seem to think that im better off keepin my mouth shut, not sayin a word to n e 1 just incase they take it the wrong way!! I love my bf sooo much we bin together for bwt 15months but i just dont trust n e 1!!

I think thats wat d reason for me bein like this is! for the fact that i dont trust n e 1!!

How can i change my self to make me into a better person!! i cant go see a counciller cuz i cant afford it!!

Plz help x