need to get over someone

[SHELLP]

I have posted about this previous i have split with my partner 5 weeks ago after 4 years together. he was violent towards me and is due in court. i have friends who are encouriging me to go out and have spoke to a few men but i cant be bothered to get back into the dating scene. I spend all my time thinking about him and wanting to text him. I have heard he is seeing someone 20 years younger than himself with a small child and was seeing her within a few days of us breaking up. I cant sleep for thinking what he is doing and if he has just forgot about me. I cant contact him because of the court case and his bail conditions mean he is not allowed to contact me but I see him round and about. Please help I need to get my life back on track. When I go out I cant relax and enjoy myself for thinking of him. I am on antideppresants and sleeping tablets and know there is no way we can get together again even if that was what i wanted and not sure it is just hate the thought of him being with someone else so soon after what he did to me.

[sara3]

Shell, it's been 5 weeks.. give yourself a break. you need time to get over this, and you will. experience tells me that when you're constantly thinking of someone when they're not thinking of you, it's obsessive behaviour and detrimental to your health.

stop having expectations of yourself. just go with the flow but accept that's it's over. he has moved on (even thought it's strange and hurtful circumstances), and he sounds like a nasty piece of work. in time, you will see all this for what it is but in the meantime ease up on yourself. accept invitations to go out but just for the purpose of going out, not to try to find a replacement man.

chin up, you're getting through the worst of it.

[SHELLP]

Cheers Sara

I am trying but its so hard. I am stressing over going to court to give evidence against him, he is looking at a custodial sentence and until I found out about this woman I did not want that to happen but now keep hoping it will be a long one. All his friends are telling me he has a new girlfriend although noone I know has seen him with her and they all say he is drinking to excess which was our major problem and that he looks stressed, everytime I see him he looks ok but cant believe he is not worrying about going to court and his job etc.

[sara3]

between you and I (and the rest of the world!) I know someone who is awaiting a court case relating to fraud totalling over �500k. he will be going down for a long time yet is walking around like an arrogant sh*t.

my point? I know he has had a constant upset stomach so surely he is (almost literally) cr*pping himself. no one wants to go to prison, but justice is justice. when you go to court take someone with you for support, and hold your head up high.

it doesn't matter whether there is another woman. you don't deserve what he is offering and you are well out of it. maybe you're lonely now, but you're not that desperate.

my top saying? "this too will pass".

[SHELLP]

I am sat here thinking about doing something that will destroy him. I know something that would get him in serious trouble and keep looking at the phone deciding if I should ring the police. One minute I really do want to do this the next not sure its a good idea. Want him to hurt like I am hurting not be out enjoying his life

[SHELLP]

No kids with him but this new girlfriend has a very small girl of 5. I dont want him back just dont want to feel my life is ruined and his is going so well and that makes me sound like a spoilt child but its eating away at me he did wrong and I,m suffering while he just gets on with it.

[SHELLP]

I went out last night and was talking to this man gave him my number for some reason and he has texted a few times but not replied dont feel ready for anything so how can he be after 5 weeks, wish I knew what he was really thinking and if he is worried about court etc or really is happy

[unhappychick]

He was violent towards you, has met someone else...

To me it sounds like your having trouble accepting that he really didnt care after all...this is the hardest part...acceptence, you will come to accept it in time, just be thankful that you didnt have a child with the man! and you are free and single to find someone "eventually" who loves you and treats you with respect....I wouldnt worry about this other women, if it were me ide feel only pity for her!

[unhappychick]

redheadisbac:- Glad you took note of one of my posts where I said I wish I could remove the "un" from my username! lol

[Cloudy1]

Its only five weeks since you split? You need to not set a time limit on when you're going to feel 'ok'

It took me nearly three months before I even wanted to go outta the house but I just woke up one day and realised that the only person who controls how I feel is me.

Actually going out helped me gain so much confidence, tell your friends how you feel, that you need so much support and kind words and they will be there for you. Once I started to go back out (and I don't just mean pubbing and clubbing) I realised there was so much more to life than my ex.

I do know what you mean, that he has managed to get with someone else but that doesn't mean he is happy. He probably knows you'll find out that hes with her and will be doing it to hurt you, so don't let him.

I know you probably don't think this but even if you don't want to right now you will find someone else and you wonder why you were so hung up on him and what you ever saw in him. You'll probably feel really sorry for his current girl.

You do come through it, honestly.

Just ask your mates to come to you until you feel up to going out, even for a cup of tea.

You're not on your own going through this and under the circumstances it sounds like you're coping really well.

xx

[SHELLP]

Thanks Cloudy

I am trying to get on with life spoke to one of his friends who told me he is waiting for me to contact him, well he will have to wait a long time.Found out he has lost his job through drinking too much since we split and he is looking at a custodial sentence for what he did to me he beat me up and held me at knife point. How he can be out all the time looking like he is having a good time with this young girl is beyond me with so much hanging over him. I know he will be scared of going to court. I am terrified of going and I am only a witness but because it is going to crown I have to go or he will get oof according to the CPS. Cheers for the support it helps to talk

[CAJ1]

Shellp - look up Womens Aid in the phone book. I had to take my ex to court and they were excellent. They came with me, supported me and also visited me in my home to talk things over. They also arrange a seperate room for you to wait in so that your ex can't see or talk to you.

You are definitly better off without him. Like others have said the best revenge is to just get on as though you don't care x

[Cloudy1]

He will be waiting for you to contact him. He has lost all control over you and that is probably driving him insane.

Just think of how pathetic he is - cavorting with someone half his age and drinking so much he has lost his job!

Don't contact him, whatever you do, as soon as you do he has won.

Let him stew and think about what he's lost, he's only using this new woman to get at you and he's obvisouly not worth getting upset over.

He's clearly still hung up on you if he wants you to contact him. Its sad really.

You totally have the upper hand, I know court is going to be hard but everyone will see him for what he is.

He has no doubt convinced his family he has done nothing wrong but even if their pride wont let them admit it, they'll see for themselves the awful thngs he's done.

I hope you have someone you can take with you who can help you through it.

As I said before you do get over it but you can't set a time limit. Dont be down on yourself if you have a bad day - just remember HE is the problem not you.

Take care x