ChatterBank0 min ago
My neighbour's always shouting at her kids, what should I do?
I can still remember what it was like to be screamed at as a child. I really feel for these two boys nextdoor. It's deffinately a problem because of the obvious stress to my neighbour and her kids.
Up until about a year ago I never noticed her shouting but it's been getting steadily worse since then. I'm not close to her we just say hi and have a chat every so often when we're passing so I don't know if she has personal problems which are causing her to be stressed. Her husband is a really nice guy, he very rarely shouts at the boys himself. She also come across as a nice woman when you get talking to her. They're both really nice people with a lovely home and nice cars. He works 9-5 ish and she's a homemaker.
The summer hollidays have just started and it's like every 10mins I hear her screaming at them. It always seems to be for stupid things that could be resolved soooo much easier without the need for this hysterical shrieking.
In the last 2hours the youngest who's 4yrs old was shouted at for not holding his lolly properly and washing the family car toys from the paddling pool.
The older boy who's 8yrs old has been screamed at for dropping his ice cream on his clean shirt, knocking his 4yr old brother over in the paddling pool, bieng too noisy and rough with his brother and for asking why he's been shouted at, after which he had his hands slapped and spent 5mins or so sat on the floor sobbing...then he got shouted at for "screaming" ?!?!?!
My heart is breaking I don't know what to do. I'm not good with words and if I have a word with her I'll end up saying the wrong thing, she'll take offence and it might make things worse. I don't feel there's any need to phone social services because this could easily be resolved by good pareting tecniques. My mum told me to just march in armed with leaflets and a few recorded episodes of suppernanny in a gift bag but the
Up until about a year ago I never noticed her shouting but it's been getting steadily worse since then. I'm not close to her we just say hi and have a chat every so often when we're passing so I don't know if she has personal problems which are causing her to be stressed. Her husband is a really nice guy, he very rarely shouts at the boys himself. She also come across as a nice woman when you get talking to her. They're both really nice people with a lovely home and nice cars. He works 9-5 ish and she's a homemaker.
The summer hollidays have just started and it's like every 10mins I hear her screaming at them. It always seems to be for stupid things that could be resolved soooo much easier without the need for this hysterical shrieking.
In the last 2hours the youngest who's 4yrs old was shouted at for not holding his lolly properly and washing the family car toys from the paddling pool.
The older boy who's 8yrs old has been screamed at for dropping his ice cream on his clean shirt, knocking his 4yr old brother over in the paddling pool, bieng too noisy and rough with his brother and for asking why he's been shouted at, after which he had his hands slapped and spent 5mins or so sat on the floor sobbing...then he got shouted at for "screaming" ?!?!?!
My heart is breaking I don't know what to do. I'm not good with words and if I have a word with her I'll end up saying the wrong thing, she'll take offence and it might make things worse. I don't feel there's any need to phone social services because this could easily be resolved by good pareting tecniques. My mum told me to just march in armed with leaflets and a few recorded episodes of suppernanny in a gift bag but the
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I don't see why you need to do anything?
Screaming at her kids isn't ideal, and I personally wouldn't like it, but from what you've said she's just stressed looking after two boistrous boys, and you saying something, no matter how kindly meant isn't going to help matters
I know it probably sounds horrific, but it's more than likely water off a ducks back to the kids, and whatever they're being screamed at will be forgotten about 5 minutes later.
She doesn't sound a bad mum- the kids are obviously playing out (paddling pool), being fed (icecream & lollies), just a shouty one.
My advice? Doesn't sound like theres any physical abuse- leave well alone.
Screaming at her kids isn't ideal, and I personally wouldn't like it, but from what you've said she's just stressed looking after two boistrous boys, and you saying something, no matter how kindly meant isn't going to help matters
I know it probably sounds horrific, but it's more than likely water off a ducks back to the kids, and whatever they're being screamed at will be forgotten about 5 minutes later.
She doesn't sound a bad mum- the kids are obviously playing out (paddling pool), being fed (icecream & lollies), just a shouty one.
My advice? Doesn't sound like theres any physical abuse- leave well alone.
Sounds symptomatic of what's inherently wrong with Britain these days. Unfortunately, i see the same thing everytime i leave the house, Mum's screeching at their spawn. The anonymous letter is the best idea, i think if she'll yell at her kids, you'll get some of that vitriol aimed at yourself and probably shouted at where you stand if you approach the harridan!
all mums can lose their rag every so often, why not just try talking to her, chatting and making friends? you may find that you can help her. Being stuck at home with kids all day isnt always rosy for mum.
i know how upsetting it can be to hear though. i had to endure a whole year of my neighbour screaming like a banshee at her kids. She even called her 5 year old by the C word regularly and told her she looked like a slag when she tried her mums make up.
it took a house fire before the children were placed elsewhere. But she was on registers long before that. No-one could talk to her, she wasnt ever going to be a good mum.
That was an extreme case though, i hope you can at least offer an ear to your neighbour.
i know how upsetting it can be to hear though. i had to endure a whole year of my neighbour screaming like a banshee at her kids. She even called her 5 year old by the C word regularly and told her she looked like a slag when she tried her mums make up.
it took a house fire before the children were placed elsewhere. But she was on registers long before that. No-one could talk to her, she wasnt ever going to be a good mum.
That was an extreme case though, i hope you can at least offer an ear to your neighbour.
im sorry BOO, I appreciate what you're saying but i don't agree with you. Im not saying she's a bad mum but i do think she needs help like red says I should help her as a friend all i feel im doing now is being a nosy neighbour.
Screaming never solves anything. I know what it's like to be screamed at for the slightest thing as a child and it's not water off a duck's back, its mental abuse by someone who you love and who loves you very much. It's very confusing for a child and I imagine terrible for the parent.
Thanks for all your advice guys it's been very very helpfull x
Screaming never solves anything. I know what it's like to be screamed at for the slightest thing as a child and it's not water off a duck's back, its mental abuse by someone who you love and who loves you very much. It's very confusing for a child and I imagine terrible for the parent.
Thanks for all your advice guys it's been very very helpfull x
The other day I was in debenhams and a mother actually said to her child 'why don't you go and play on a motorway?'
The young lad said 'Yeah but I would be killed'
The mother said 'Exactly do us all a favour'
How awful is this. I couldn't believe my ears that poor poor poor poor child!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The mother went on to say 'you don't love me or respect me'
I wonder why
The young lad said 'Yeah but I would be killed'
The mother said 'Exactly do us all a favour'
How awful is this. I couldn't believe my ears that poor poor poor poor child!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The mother went on to say 'you don't love me or respect me'
I wonder why
i know nesi- I don't agree with screaming either, though to my shame I've snapped (verbally) at my 3 n half year old quite a few times!!
But Red's advice sounds better (she's such a sensible girl...lol) Try to get to know her (your neighbour I mean, not Red!), she genuinely just sounds a frazzled mum rather than a lousy one.
But Red's advice sounds better (she's such a sensible girl...lol) Try to get to know her (your neighbour I mean, not Red!), she genuinely just sounds a frazzled mum rather than a lousy one.
-- answer removed --
I actually agree with boo that you shouldn't do anything other than be friendly and try to get her to de stress a bit. I think making her feel like an inadequate parent bc she shouts will actually probably add to the stress and make the situation worse. I don;t personally shout at my kids and don't like people who do, but it's far and away not the worst thing she could be doing and maybe if you give it time and help her destress ( invite her and the kids round for a coffee etc and get to know her better) then it might disappear on it;s own if it's acuased by a feeling of isolaiton and general fatiue at looking after young kids.
I would be the same as you and it would break my heart to hear that all the time. Maybe you could invite her round for a cuppa and just say something like, its hard work and so easy to get stressed out and annoyed with the kids sometimes, so she knows you understand how she might be feeling. if youve got kids you could say you have heard about some really good ways to make it easier eg ignoring the little things, praising them all the time for the smallest good things etc she might then open up and if she does have some problems suggest something like going on a parenting course together or finding out about Homestart who help support parents who are struggling. it could be depression it which case she needs support and to know you are on her side.
Oh my heart is breaking (not)
Just glad I don`t live next door to you, they seem to be a pretty normal family, from what you say.
Maybe they`re just trying to instill a little discipline into their children, much needed from what I can see, these days.
I am sick of seeing children ordering their parents about, every day in the supermarkets or in the home.
My grandaughter was disciplined, from an early age, she`s 23 years old now, and a nicer girl you couldn`t meet.
Her brother was born 12 years later, and due to modern parenting was turning into a little brat.
Fortunately they realised their mistake and seem, now, to be turning it around, so hopefully he`ll be ok.
Just glad I don`t live next door to you, they seem to be a pretty normal family, from what you say.
Maybe they`re just trying to instill a little discipline into their children, much needed from what I can see, these days.
I am sick of seeing children ordering their parents about, every day in the supermarkets or in the home.
My grandaughter was disciplined, from an early age, she`s 23 years old now, and a nicer girl you couldn`t meet.
Her brother was born 12 years later, and due to modern parenting was turning into a little brat.
Fortunately they realised their mistake and seem, now, to be turning it around, so hopefully he`ll be ok.
Just an afterthought nesi, you seemed to have turned out ok, despite the screaming in your childhood.
If it was your mum doing the screaming, what`s she doing telling you to march in there?
If everyone did a bit more telling kids off, instead of pandering to their every whim, this country wouldn`t be in the state it`s in!!!
If it was your mum doing the screaming, what`s she doing telling you to march in there?
If everyone did a bit more telling kids off, instead of pandering to their every whim, this country wouldn`t be in the state it`s in!!!
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