"And your point being"

[Emmeedask]

Why do I have so little rights when it comes to bringing up my children and why are school devoting a whole lesson to telling the children!

This whole citizenship lesson is devoted to open discussion on whatever the children have going on in their lives and they are given information on what their rights are at home and in society. They also tag on what parents are not allowed to to do and to stand up for themselves. Now don't get me wrong i'm all for improving the lives of children in difficulty and trying to give them an outlet to get help.

My point is that I got a phonecall from school yesterday to say my daughter attended tuesday (the first day back) but not since. When I talked to her about last night I asked her why and she just said she couldn't be bothered! I was amazed. I of course said she was grounded to which she replied and just how do you plan to do that, lock me in. I said of course not just to respect my decision after all I was still her mother and the words still ring in my ears now as she said and your point being. In other words I had no rights.

She can forget laptop etc but she doesn't seem to care. I feel i don't know her anymore, she's a stranger living in her body.

So what now?

[paddywak]

I would like to be able to advise you to give her a good clip around the ear to teach he what YOUR rights as a parent are, but of course its not allowed any more

[Emmeedask]

Exactly, do you know they even hand out the numbers for Childline and local Social Services.

I feel like the one under threat!

[B00]

Emmeedesk- ive been in your shoes, so I know where you're coming from. My daughter used to actually say " I know the number for Childline you know" each time I tried to distil rules onto her. Eventually I snapped and said "well bloody fine then, ring 'em, here's the phone, until they come ot remove you, you're living by my rules!!!

Oddly enough she never did ring them ;-)

[China Doll]

She's a teenager, they're horrible, smelly (usually of bubble gum and cheese and onion crisps and cheap perfume), rubber-boned, narky individuals at the best of times... I was too but I didn't like cheese and onion crisps.

Personally I'd remove anything fun from her room, sound equipment, telly priviledges, pocket money, etc.... Might be time she learn who pays for her 'rights'!

[Emmeedask]

I did of sorts Boo she said she could leave and go into care. She rang Social Services, they asked her if she was being harmed physically or mentally or felt that she could bein the near future, was she being fed and clothed and did she have access to the emergency services if she felt she needed them. She said she felt I was pressuring her and taking away her freedom and that in itself was mental cruelty. Apart from that she said it was ok. They said they had no reason to get involved at this stage and that what she had stated wasn't classed as cruelty and wouldn't be getting her somewhere to stay on that basis. They suggested we needed councelling! I can't wait till she's twenty.

[B00]

Exactly Emmeedask- she hasn't got a leg to stand on as far as social services are. They'd have more than likely viewed her phonecall for what it was- a petulant child throwing a tantrum.

So with the above in mind- that gives YOU more ammuntion. Put your foot down with a firm hand (heh!) and lay down your groundrules for how she behaves and what she can and can't do whilst living under YOUR roof, believe me, she'll grumble, but faced with it, she'll toe the line.

Good luck :-)

[squarebear]

Why not "forget" to make her meals, do her washing and ironing, then say "You couldn't be bothered"?

See how she likes it.

[Emmeedask]

You sound like an angry teenager yourself Tetjam.

No I'm not angry I'm upset. I feel like i've lost my daughter to a culture of believing there are no major consequences for your own actions, when the law and society are making parenting very difficult. She isn't one step ahead of me yet as she believed she had got away with it but school are also going to punish her and she is the one who will loose out in the long run from these actions.

It is her GCSE year and I don't want her to throw her chance of doing well now and not have to retake at a later date if she doesn't. She is bright and articulate and very much loved. I will always love her no matter what. I just don't like who she has become very much. And hope it doesn't last for her sake as well as ours.

[B00]

She'll come round Emmeedask, they always do. My daughter gave me (and still does to some extent- at 20!) some real grief and heartache. But if you battle on with distilling acceptable human behaviour in her, and it sounds like you're doing a cracking job of it, she'll eventually settle into a civillised member of society- honest!

They all do this, I myself remember being a real cow towards my own mum.

Just keep ya head down and plough on- oh and keep a steady supply of voddy handy to keep your sanity!

[Emmeedask]

Thanks guys its just nice to get it off my chest and receiving your supportive words really helps. I know many parents go through the same thing but whilst its happening you feel quite alone.
So thanks again

Em x

[myselfness]

I remember one day giving my mam a right old time and threatening to run away to which she said fine, but i provided everything for you so if your gonna leave then i want everything back and you can go out on your own the way you came into the world before i started providing for you... to which i obviously didnt believe her but when she tried pulling my coat off i got a sharp shock...

no she wouldnt of ACTUALLY done it, and i realise that but it certainly shocked me into behaving...atleast for a while.

at the end of the day shes a hormonal teenager whos just looking to rebel and see how far she can push you...

and i do agree that the vodka may be necessary!

[aims1202]

you probably already know this but she is pushing the boundaries, you have to have boundaries there and be firm because even though she doesnt like them it is security for her and eventually she will appreciate what you do for her.
i was really bad with my mum until i got to about 17 when i suddenly realised how horrible i was, so i took her on holiday when i was 20 to say sorry and thank you!
try not to shout or get angry and to sort things out calmly. treat her as adult as possible and show her you trust and respect her (i am sure you already do all this) remember to make time to do fun enjoyable things together so you dont loose the relationship completely. good luck

[EngTeach]

Why do they always think a foster care home would be better? Though at taht age I could not imagine anyplace being worse tahn my home!!

I promise it will pass Emee. I always say we need a support group for the parents at our school.

[sandbach99]

Whoever dreamed up the idea of listing what teenagers were entitled to do has a one cell brain and certainly has never reared a child.

These lessons are causing immense problems to parents all over the country. Maybe the parents should all start writing to Ed Balls, Education Secretary, complaining about the way these so called rights are taught without pointing out that a parent/foster parent has the right to overrule the childrens rights and expect a certain standard of behaviour whilst the child is living under the parents roof.