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ChatterBank1 min ago
my grandson
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Im hoping there is someone that can give me some advice, its hard to know where to start but ill try. My son had a relationship with a girl a not very nice one i might add (im not being bitchy) from the time he was born i had him a lot with my son seeing him as well he is 7 now and hes with me most of the time going home to stay 3 or 4 days then coming back to me for up to 6 weeks, when hes at home hes not fed properly he goes to school in a terrible state social services have been involved but dont seem to do much she has 4 other children and another on the way she really dosnt seem to care about these kids at all least of all anthony (my grandson) she tell him he cant go anywhere with her as he goes everywhere with me, they dont even sleep in beds at home his heads full of lice each time he comes back to me. She is now pregnant to the same guy who fathered her second child she is also living with him again he is a well known drug user. I just wish i could get custody of anthony but i dont think it would be that easy from what ive heard and besides he does love his mum. Iwould never say anything wrong about his mother in front of him. please if anyone has any advice id be more than grateful. Thanx
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i would try for custody nothing worthwhile is easy ..you cant possibly leave him in that sort of enviroment. surely your son should be the one to file for custody. he could still visit his mother so its not as though you are taking him away. if the circumstances are as bad as you say then your own concious should urge you to do something about anthony. if social services are not doing much then you should make a seriouse complaint to the head of social services, also if the children are not being fed properly you should get a doctor to back your claim up.if it was my grand son he would not go back if he has no bed or food he must be living a dreadfull existance as that is what it boils down to. basically it is child abuse and your son and yourself should confront the issue. first of all by getting a medical officer involved and secondly by filing for custody..if the mother dislikes anthony so much why is she hanging onto him,,spite or benefits..i wish you the best of luck and i know you will be more at peace with yourself if you at least attempt to remedy this situation. mullein
Have you thought about asking the mother if you could keep the child? Then you could take formal steps to regularise the situation. Does his mother keep all the child benefit even when he's staying with you? That may be something to take into consideration. Try and keep calm and logical as it is difficult to make rational decisions when you are obviously very emotional. I hope everything works out well for you.
Wow that must be a huge worry for you!!
Firstly I realise your first concern your grandson and yes the possibilty of social services is a reality, but they do hate to take children away. As is correct in most circumstances.........
Coudl you talk to your son and discuss how much you can help his girlfriend, as she clearly is unable to cope,,,,,,, She is possibly struggling because of her own parenting and not knowingly putting them at harm.
I am not condoning her in any way but we all learn from our own parenting she seems pretty desparate and lets face it nobody much is offering her help to learn to PARENT. Caring nurturing parenting just doesn;t come naturally to some.............You all need help with various professional advice........ but do make sure you have the support that you need to help both your grandchild and your sons girlfriend, should you want to get involved that much............You sound as if you are involved anyway. She definately needs help...........but she may find it a critisism and become resistant if you start offf accusingly..................Try not to be judgemental she probably feels totally inadequate already and If you are quite close to her you could say something like: 'I noticed that you seem quite stressed and wondered if you were finding it difficult to cope with all the children? is there anything we can do to help?' Also I think she does need to know that there is a real risk of her children being taken away, but just make sure it is said with concern and not as a threat. if you feel up to it make sure she knows she has you on her side maybe?.......Not many woman set out to be bad mothers..........................All the best. And dont; forget to look after yourself as well..................!!!
I think you need to take professional advice in this situation. You are emotionally involved and it is difficult for you to make any decisions on the issue. Can you talk to your GP about it - after all it is affecting your health and causing stress. He/she might be able to point you in the direction of the right organisations.
| Thanx to everyone who tried to answer my question but to just add a few finer points. My son has no contact with the mother at all he sees anthony through me, i have tried talking to the mother nicely and asking her if she wants me to keep anthony i also added she could see him when she likes, she gets all benefites for anthony. social service have been round to the house and had the children on the at risk register for a while. I want to go for custody but im scared if iy dosnt go through she will stop me having him all together and Anthony will suffer even more it all just seems like a vicious circle to me. thanx again for your advice |
The best advice I can offer you at this stage is to discuss all of this with the NSPCC & the Family Rights Group. Until very recently we were in a very similar situation & getting absolutely nowhere with Social Services. That changed the minute we phoned the NSPCC for advice. Everytime we've called them they have been very knowledgeable, helpful and supportive. Their number is 0808 800 5000 and their website is:
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/html/home/home.htm
The FRG were also very helpful, particularly with the legal stuff, grandparent rights etc. Their number is 0800 731 1696 (you need to be patient though - it can be quite hard getting through) and their website is:
http://www.frg.org.uk/index.asp
Meanwhile annette11555, good luck and I wish you & your grandson all the very best.
getting custody is a good idea. you say that he loves his mum but when he grows up he'll probably grow to hate her considering the state he's in as nowadays children can get bullied for that sort of thing and you really should sort this out before it starts affecting your grandson properly.
when he's older he'll understand why you had to do it and he'll probably thank you.
i really hope it works out for you. he deserves someone who can look after him properly.
The major issue here regarding going over to his mums house is what is referred to as 'significant harm'. I agree that coming back to you with a head full of lice is not acceptable, but it doesn't constitute significant harm, and thats what social services would be interested in. Regarding the issue of her children not being fed properly...... what exacty do you mean by this? Thing is... you may mean by this that they all get fed on chips and pizza and nuggets, and that will be because you're a caring and loving grandmother who probably gives Anthony a well balanced and healthy diet. A social worker would only be interested if the children were going hungry, as this would constitute neglect.
The issue regarding her partner, who you say is a drug user is worrying. I feel that social services probably are still involved with Anthonys mother as you have mentioned that the children were registered at risk at one stage. Are social services aware that a drug user is living in the house with these children.
The issue regarding her partner, who you say is a drug user is worrying. I feel that social services probably are still involved with Anthonys mother as you have mentioned that the children were registered at risk at one stage. Are social services aware that a drug user is living in the house with these children.
(continued....again!)
I'm going to suggest to you that you visit a children and families solicitor. You can have a consultation for free. Go along armed with all the facts, and they will be able to tell you what your options are.
I dont think that you should concern yourself about you having anthony 'taken away' from you, as you are clearly the major carer in his life, and any court will see this as paramount.
Despite having said all this, if Anthony wishes to continue seeing his mum, then contact must continue, as she is his mother, and a bond exists. However, it might be more appropriate for a more formal arrangement of contact to be sorted out, as 'coming and going' for a few days here and there cant be good or settling for Anthony.
I have to say that from my experience within this domain.... I think that you stand a good chance of gaining a residence order (formally known as 'custody') for Anthony if the situation is as you have described.
I wish you much luck, and I think you're fabulous.
Please keep in touch on this thread and let me know how you get on.
Jo x
| Thanx everyone your answers have made me feel a whole better, ive decided my first port of call is going to be the nspcc, id like to answer your question jo, first of all it started with me taking anthony for weekends this got longer and by the age of around 3 i was having him for up to 4 weeks at a time then when he started school i would pick him up from school on a friday and take him back on a monday, i have bought anthony 3 school uniforms which after a week has apparently gone missing the kids wear each others clothes its a case of first up best dressed, i now keep clothes at my house for anthony including a school uniform pe kit and shoes, he stays with me all the school holidays, in the summer of this year i picked him up from school on the last day of term i was taking him on holiday to greece 4 weeks after he broke up, his mum never contacted him anytime during the 4 weeks or after our holiday not even to ask if he had a good time.Anthony does sometimes ask to see his mum but after a day he wants to come back to me, he is a lovely polite kid he will do anything for me hes always saying "nan i love you" and if he goes to play out he will say if you want me to do anything just shout me in. I have had a few problems with him but nothing major, i take anthony everywhere with me and everyone coments on what a good kid he is. I just want to day thanks again and i will keep you posted |
They are a superb organisation, and I cant fault them, but they have to deal with cases of child abuse which are much more severe than the one which you present with.
Social Services and a solicitor (social services can recommend a good one to you) ought to be your first port of call, and by all means, use the NSPCC for as much support as they can give.
I wish that I could give you my email address, but obviously cant. Please stay in touch via this thread.
best wishes
Jo
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