Feelin bit weird

[karma22]

Been trying to maintain contact with the ex and even thats gone wrong. Don't think it is possible to keep in touch now. Well thats it I've tried everything and I'm at the end of my tether. Went out with him, on - off, split up 18 months apart, got back with him (big mistake) split up (me very upset), tried to maintain contact as friends, he still being a ******* even just as friends. Think its time I just faced facts - he is a bit of a *******. Used to make excuses for him as to why he was nasty but now I think that people can be responsible for their own actions if they want to. He just doesn't care about hurting me.

Feel bit sad as now I will lose contact with his daughter and I worry how this will affect her.

Also feel a bit low cus of job situation

Also feel a bit low cus of lack of social life problem.

Just seem to have lots of problems constantly since about the age of 10 - 21 now.

Well this is the end of an era and things are going to change I can feel it.

Its just hard feelinga bit weird and low and not having anyone to share things with. So just thought I'd unload on here like I usually do.

Sorry peeps

[karma22]

Any kind words to help me sleep?

[pips1]

Yes, take heart because you have done the right thing. I now think that no contact is best, I didn't always think this way as I was like you and thought everyone deserved another chance. That was a mistake and I ended up even more hurt. No contact = no hurtful putdowns imo.

[karma22]

Thanks

I suppose contact can work sometimes I don't know, but certainly didn't for me.

I thought perhaps I should just accept him for the way he is, which is basically nice and then nasty. When nasty he won't ever apologise and he can be proper proper nasty. I thought perhaps I could just accept that and forgive him each time but I'm not so sure thats the right attitude now.

If something causes you pain or upset you shouldn't do it should you.

You can't keep giving, forgiving and not receiving anything.

[gonzo00]

chin up karma..better times ahead..thinking of you tonight and sending distant good vibes.... :0) x

[karma22]

Thanks gonzo :-) xx

Off to bed now. Sleep better knowing got that off my chest and people out there understand x

[gonzo00]

i understand more than you can ever know karma! take care and sleep well. :0)

[pericat]

You may be down karma but you do seem to have a good attitude and that will bring you up again and take you the right way

[andy-hughes]

We can't choose who we love.

Our rattional minds are shouting 'No! Go away and stay away!' but our hearts - which always have their way, say 'I love you so I rogive you ...'

Eventually - and youhave obviously reached that stage - you realise that this person is simply causing you more pain than pleasure and no amount of wanting it to work is going to make it any better.

The cutting out of this person from your life is painful, and you will grieve for a while, but as time passes, you will see that you did the right thing, and being alone is honestly better than being in a destructive relationship, even though it doesn't feel like that right now.

The positive thought to hang onto is that you are free to move on and re-build your life, and from where you are now, you can start to do that.

It's not easy, but it can be done, and the good people on here will support you when you need it.

[Seadragon]

Karma - you're 'ex' sounds like a jerk! You are better of without him and don't waste your time thinking about him, he's not worth it. 'Friends' - I wouldn't bother with that, take Andy-Hughes advice, good riddance to him, I think.

And about his child? It's his concern, not yours. There are plenty of men out there, you should give another a chance.

[pips1]

Hi karma, I didn't go into too much detail last night as I was tired, I just wanted to give you some encouragement before you went to bed! People on here who know of me will know I have written about my heartache on here before but I try not to dwell too much on it nowadays.

Andy Hughes talks a lot of sense, I always like reading his posts. In a nutshell, I took back my ex even though he was unbelievably cruel in his words to me, but I loved him with all my heart. It didn't work and I wasted 7 years of my life grieving for him and just could not move on. I am still alone now, but a lot happier, as Andy says it's better to be alone than living with someone who just hurts you. Good luck.

[karma22]

Thanks for the support everyone! x :-)

Pips - sorry you have been through a bad time with your ex too - glad you are happier now and well done for being strong, I know how hard it is.

Seadragon - I loved his daughter (although even a relationship with her was difficult due to the fact he didn't want my child with me). We had a massive argument in front of her I'm afraid to say and now she's getting older she notices more. She noticed that her dad was a bit out of order to me too. I really do think a lot of her and I will miss her but I think even if we miss each other, if me and her dad aren't together it will be better for her. I don't want her seeing arguments or things getting nasty between us. She notices so much now and she's only 7. Its hard leaving kids behind and I wanted to see her grow and her to come to me for advice etc.

Andy - You do talk a lot of sense.

What I've learnt from this whole bad experience is that you can be the most forgiving person in the world but for everyone there comes a point when forgiving and forgetting without an apology (or even with an apology - if you're lucky enough) just leaves you miserable, disrespected, emotionally neglected, unloved, damages your own self respect and self esteem etc. It also makes the other person think the way they behave is acceptable when its not!!

I know now that its good to forgive but when it gets to that point where you're getting nothing back and all you feel is misery - thats the time to stop. Step back and keep your respect. :-)