have you ever felt your life is like a nightmare?....

[Jenarry]

2009 has been the worst,toughest,most upsetting year of my life. in a nutshell my fiance who i had been with for just under 5 years and the father to my only son left our house at the end of may saying that he needed some time out to think about how he felt about us(me and him) with the opening line -just to put your mind at rest there's no-one else-.i then worked out for myself a week later that there was in fact someone else and there had been for a while. talk about having your world turned upside down. i really thought that we were going to be together for a lot of years to come and i found it hard to come to terms with the fact that he didn't feel the same and that he has been lying to me and cheating on me for months. my friends and family have also been surprised by all this (he had us all fooled with his mr nice guy act) and they have been so supportive. and just when things were starting to feel a bit more positive for me my 3 yr old little boy was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 3 weeks ago. i'm finding it so hard to be positive about the future now all i think about is why has this happened and my poor little boy now has this lifelong health condition that will affect his day to day life . i'm finding this all so hard.it's heart breaking having to do blood tests and injections on my son 4 times a day. my ex still visits our son but he's never been very supportive and is more interested in his girlfriend and his social life. before my mattie's diagnosis i was tryng to concentrate on the positives in life .number one on my list was mine and my family's good health so i feel like i'm to blame in some way for this happening to my little boy and now i don't dare to think positively about things. i'm finding myself dwelling on things about my little boy diabetes and his future and i'm still thinking about my ex and why this has happened way too much. please help. any words of advice or encouragement will be really appreciated.

[Jenarry]

this all sounds v self pitying now i read it back. i've managed to be strong the past few weeks thru this awful time but my little boy has been ill with a virus this week on top of everything else so i think i'm feeling overwhelmed by all this.

[sophie_1003]

awww, it doesn't sound self-pitying at all, you've had an awful lot of stuff going on and that's bound to make you feel bad but none of it is your fault. It's great that you've got supportive family and friends but maybe you could talk to someone impartial about it as well?

[ELVIS68]

Life can be sh!t at times, it`s not your fault

[karenmac60]

I know you're finding it hard to stay positive and I know things look really bleak just now, but you'll get past this. Don't let things pile up on you, if you're feeling pressure then make sure you get time to yourself where you don't need to be strong. Get your ex to look after his son now and then and get out and let your hair down - or stay home and rant and rave, have a good cry and don't worry about keeping up appearances. I know you are worried about your son, and I don't mean to sound callous - but there are much worse things he could have. I know it will affect him for the rest of his life, but it is a manageable illness and you'll both cope. As for your waste of space ex, you are better off without him. Use this time to concentrate on your relationship with your son, you will build up an incredibly close bond - I was a single mum for 8 years and my daughter and I are so close because of that. And when the time is right you will feel able to trust someone else and have a better relationship than the one you had with your lying ex. Don't feel too downhearted, but don't be a martyr either - accept help when it is available and look after yourself. x

[Tuesday83]

Jenarry, I agree with whoever said this doesn't sound self pitying at all - it sounds like you have been through a rough time and you are only human. Life can be overwhelming at times and you need someone or something to lean on and help you through before depression sets in or a breakdown happens (I speak from experience, as I had one myself not to long ago, after letting things get on top of me).

Your son - I'm sure he's a brave little boy and diabeties, although very difficult and not a nice thing to have, is something he can live with. My mum has it and she lives her life and gets by, always has done. Just keep his spirits up, show him he can live a normal healthy life with it, and help him watch what he eats, exercise, etc. He'll be fine. It's not your fault AT ALL, so don't beat yourself up about this.

Your ex partner - well, he's a git and you're well shot of him. Easy to say I know but remember that if he isn't making you feel good anymore and he is more caught up in his girlfriend than his son, then you don't need him. I'm sure you will find someone better who treats you like gold in time. There are some 6 billion people on this earth and by the time he realises he has lost a good one it'll be too late and you'll have found someone else.
Just concentrate on yourself and your son and getting your life back on track and you'll be fine.

It you are feeling depressed or overwhelmed, see your doctor, there's no shame in it. I went on anti depressants and got some counselling on the NHS, it was good to have someone to talk to and just keep me afloat and I'm doing okay now.

Good luck hun.

[suzie1]

hey love keep strong and dont blame yourself for little matties health problems, ur ex should be ashamed of himself for putting you through all this and let you cope with matties health problems alone. Im sure mattie is as strong as his mum, and diabetes, if managed well will never affect his life, he will thrive into a nice, decent young healthy man, thanks to his mum, time will help you get over the ex, you deserve better and im sure you will get it in time. think positive, you have your son and your ex has a bit of slap on his arm that wont last im sure, and he'll be missing you and your little one then. why do you feel you are to blame for your child health problems, this is fate love, no one is to blame for health problems like diabetes

[Prudie]

Jenarry this is an awful time for you but most of us can recall a bad year like yours and please believe me you will get through it. When my ex left I wanted to die and thought no-one else had ever experienced such pain. I clutched at any support I could get and you should too, however embarrassed or weak you feel about it. I even used phone clairvoyants in the hope they would tell me he was coming back! He didn't but I met someone else, fell in love and couldn't be happier and you have that to look forward to, really! The diagnosis of your son is a terrible blow but you and he will come to terms with it quite quickly. I have friends with children who also have this condition and now they just deal with day-to-day and it doesn't impact on their happiness. I also work with adults in senior positions who are diabetic and it hasn't spoiled their life at all. You will look back on this as a rough year but you will move on. Time really is a great healer.

[saxy_jag]

You've probably heard this heaps of times before, but as s**t as your life seems right now, it won't always be this bad. After all, when you're seemingly at the bottom, there's only one direction you can move in.

As for your little boy, diabetes does not have to control his life. Indeed most kids with it learn to take it in their stride and lead perfectly normal lives. You might think about contacting Diabetes UK, which offers support and advice for diabetics and their families. A friend of mine does volunteer work at their kids' summer and weekend camps. These are all about showing kids how to live full lives around diabetes, and how to look after themselves too. It's fair to say the medical outlook for your son (assuming there are no complications or underlying health problems) is very good.

Here's the link to the Diabetes UK website: http://www.diabetes.org.uk/

[lil123]

3 years ago my life was turned upside down as well.
I had to leave my lovely home and everything I owned with just my car and a few clothes in bag to flee domestic violence from a violent and abusive man.
What kept me going in the dark days when I was living in one room in a women's refuge, was how my life was going to be NOW.
I used to get exited of all the opportunity that had come my way and used to plan how I would have my house etc when I get one again.
It is hard when the days ahead seem bleak but spend a few minutes or as much as you can eat night just writting down and focusing on what you want in your life now and change the focus to positive.
It's not the end of the world if your son is ill. My daughter has just been diagnosed with bio polar and I just think how can I use this to enhance my life and it will help me in my job, so things can be turned around but only you that can do it x
Good luck xx

[stonekicker]

sh!t happens love. this week my husband was sectioned, my son had an emergency operation, i have been told that i have a bullying and harrassment charge against me at work (total poppycock - i told a colleague off for shouting at another in front of patients at work! - i am a nurse), i failed my ou module because of stress and a lack of time to study (£400 quid down the drain) and my beloved auntie jane died. oh - and i've no money for xmas (at all). can't do overtime because of my carers responsibilities and i feel utterly poo. still - look on the bright side, eh? someone up there's having a bl00dy good larf at my expense...

[Jenarry]

thanks for all your replies. i think that's the problem lil123- i'd been listing the positives in my life to help me deal with the loss of our relationship and the betrayal of it all. top of my list was my family's good health and it feels like in a kharma sort of way that's been taken away from me too so i'm scared to go down this train of thought in case of what happens next. i sound like i right drama queen but i feel like i've been through the mill and back and it doesn't seem to end. :o( more than one poster has suggested counselling and i am seriously thinking about this as i feel i'm not moving on from the split .i am still dwelling on it and where things went wrong and the betrayal has been very hard for me. thanks again for all your words of advice and support.