Top Ten Jokes From The Fringe 2010

[AB Editor]

Stolen wholesale from the BBC website:

1) Tim Vine "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2) David Gibson "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3) Emo Philips "I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4) Jack Whitehall "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5) Gary Delaney "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6) John Bishop "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7) Bo Burnham "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

8) Gary Delaney "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9) Robert White "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."

10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

Full article here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-11053202

Can you do better?

Spare

[heathfield]

I fail to understand how the judges could consider Tim Vine's joke to be the best they heard.

[piggynose]

cuz he paid ´em

[jno]

I could do better than number 6, no problem.

[marval]

If that is the best, the rest were dreadful, like this one.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

[AB Editor]

6 is really terrible...

I like Mr.Vine - maybe someof the better comedy requires delivery and the live interaction of a the audience? This is about the best "gag" so it is a little different?

Quite like no. 8 and no. 5!

Spare

[lindylou16]

A clown tried to start a fight with me earlier today.

I said: "Listen mate, you don't want to fight me. I'll make you look silly."

[lindylou16]

've just read the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

[lindylou16]

I hate petty people.

I keep a list of who they are.

[lslowry]

some one texted B N A G on my phone, i thought that was bang out of order!

[lindylou16]

Note to vegetarians:

Plants are living things too, they are just easier to catch.
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I don't touch drugs;

If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it!


I got lost in a hall of mirrors once. I've never felt so small, then tall, then fat, then thin.

OK i shall stop now But you did ask . Spare

[askyourgran]

It must be the way Tim Vine told em. I think Gary Delaney was far better,