My daughter wants to live with me (mum)

[brickwall]

Hi
Can anyone help. My son and daughter from a previous marriage are supposed to live with their dad under court order which was done approx 7 years ago. He broke that contract (which was done behind my back) when he asked his parentx to look after them whilst he went into rehab for alcohol) I didnt know he was an alky. They said yes but it wasnt rehab at all it was so he could go live in Egypt for over a year. He has been back for approx 4-5years now and has not had the children back with him he flits between relationships and doesnt bother with the kids, I now live 250mls from my kids and he also lives in another county. I keep regular contact via phone and visit my kids upto 5 times a year. My daughter stayed with me in the six weeks hols and is with me at present for xmas hols. Problem is my daughter does not want to return home AGAIN and I dont want her to return home AGAIN. her grandmother dislikes me although I am a good person and is trying the emotional bkacmail stuff with my girl. Beth his 12 and very mature my son is 14 and doesnt want to live with me as I make him eat vegetables and limit his playstation time to 2 hours. Beths grandfather is terminally ill where death is imminent and she doesnt want to be in that situation (he is bedridden in the lounge with tubes etc and is 4st. Beths grandmother is 75 and is also ill. Is Beth old enough to make her mind up where she lives and do I have to return her after the xmas hols? I have reported this to social services as grandfather even hit her cos he doesnt know who she is anymore and thougght she was a burglar. I am going to the solicitors next week please help I want to do the right thing for my daughter. x

[amonty1144]

I assume that you live in England as the law is different in Scotland. You will need to go back to court to get the order overturned. You will be appointed a court appointed social worker, this is from Cafcass, they will prepare a report for court. Due to the children's ages, their views will be taken but not always acted upon.
Your solicitor will be best placed to advise you, it is difficult to return children in these circumstances but be very careful not returning your children as this can go against you in any future court hearing. You say you have serious concerns about the safety of your children, being hit etc, I suggest you again contact social services and seek their advice about returning them and also mention that this is a child protection matter, this may get your children to you in the short term, if they agree.
I'm glad you are involved in your children's life and hope it turns out ok for you
Post again, if you want more info

[brickwall]

Hello im Beth,the 12 year old concerned.
Im affraid that any court hearning will be involved and the fact that anyone will get hurt.
I do care about them as they are family but are alot happier here with my mum i feel loved and respected here and my mum can provide for me better than they can as my grandmother can only get food shopping roughly once a month as someone has to look after grandad 24 7 even at night when night nurses come and keep me awake at night.
Ive been feeling alot better since being here ,not only am i happy but have been eating and sleeping more.
i phoned my grandma 2 days ago but she hung up as i told her where id be most happy.My mum is a wonderful person and id be happy living here.Please help.
Thanks x

[amonty1144]

Hi Beth.
I hope you can be as honest and articulate when the court staff speak to you, by being open you can convince them where is best for you to live. The only person who may get hurt is you, the rest involved are adults and they can handle it, it is importnt that you are somewhere where you are loved and respected, you are entitled to that.
I think you can have someone with you when you get interviewed and go to court, look for child advocacy services in your area, I'm not sure about England but Children 1st operate in Scotland, they are a charity to help young people in your position, there should be something similar in your area, get your mum o ask at the Citizens Advice Bureau.
Just tell it like it is and good luck

[weeal]

I just popped in to say good luck to you and your children, I hope it all goes well. x

[Annlinda]

If you really don't want to return to your grandparents who I presume do not have residency order over you just refuse to go back. Go to Social Services tell them what you have told us and stick to your guns. You are old enough to have an input into who looks after you and where you live.

[brickwall]

I just want to say thanks to the people who helped. We went the official channels ie throught the court it got a bit messy meaning he called the police to come and arrest me but it backfired. I have now obtained temporary residence of my elder daughter and more recently the ex has backed out of the equation and has told the court he doesnt oppose anymore.
Such a relief.
Thanks again I learnt a lot in these last few weeks.