Guardian Prize Crossword 29577 Saturday...
Crosswords0 min ago
A strange situation
9 Answers
Not quite sure what to write here.. My mum and dad have been married for 30 ish years and for the past 5 or so one of my dad's (male) friends has gradually started to wriggle in between my parents but my dad doesn't see it! Long story cut short - this other guy is older too but a little younger than my dad. He's single and doesn't appear to have many other friends. Also, I think he's gay and some others have agreed but again, my dad doesn't want to hear any of it! Anyway, this guy is round at my parents all the bloomin' time and my poor mum is at her wits end. I am such a caring and kind person but when it comes to this guys I want to...well I want him away from my family, put it that way! A little help to pass onto my mum might help. Anyone been in this sort of situation before? Thanks if you reply!
Answers
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not much you or anyone else can do really is there. If it's anooying your mum, then its up to her to approach your dad about it, not really any of your business.
What does his sexuality have anything to do with it anyway? Are you insinuating that him and your dad are at it? If they are, even less reason for you to interfere i'm afraid - any affair will be strictly between your mum and dad to sort out. Your dad is surely perfectly able to rebuff any unwanted advances he gets (and if they were uwanted, im sure he would be out of your parents house so fast he'd be spinning) if they are wanted advances, thats adifferent matter, and again for your mum and dad to sort out.
What does his sexuality have anything to do with it anyway? Are you insinuating that him and your dad are at it? If they are, even less reason for you to interfere i'm afraid - any affair will be strictly between your mum and dad to sort out. Your dad is surely perfectly able to rebuff any unwanted advances he gets (and if they were uwanted, im sure he would be out of your parents house so fast he'd be spinning) if they are wanted advances, thats adifferent matter, and again for your mum and dad to sort out.
It is a difficult situation. I feel for your mother. We had something similar with a man who was terribly lonely. He would just �show up� at the most inconvenient times. And once he obtained my email address he would write these long long emails. And when I�d politely answer them, but only simply and briefly, he�d write back saying I hadn�t answered paragraphs 1,6, 18, 32 and 47 or something daft like that. It became so bad I had to sit down with him and explain that he would not be coming to visit any longer. Ever. I didn�t feel I could leave the door open to say that we had to set the schedules or we would call him when we felt it was appropriate as I was concerned he would obsess over this. He�s a genuinely nice chap. Sadly, his obsessive behaviours has eliminated any chances of him having a girlfriend, or, I believe, in maintaining any lengthy friendships at all.
It may be a similar situation for the gentleman you write about. I feel, based upon what you�ve shared, that this first and foremost needs to be a discussion between your mother and father. She needs to be more assertive in expressing her discontent and growing unease with him being at their home perpetually. And I believe it needs to be stated without over dramatisation or emotion.
I wish you well
Fr Bill
It may be a similar situation for the gentleman you write about. I feel, based upon what you�ve shared, that this first and foremost needs to be a discussion between your mother and father. She needs to be more assertive in expressing her discontent and growing unease with him being at their home perpetually. And I believe it needs to be stated without over dramatisation or emotion.
I wish you well
Fr Bill
if you are 27 then you will now even better to keep your nose out of their business (btw i didnt think you were a little girl, just a concerned daughter) however, i dont really see what youve got to be concerned about
your dad, and you mum are allowed to have whatever friends they want. if one friend causes a problem for the other party, then it's up to that person to either put up with it or communicate with the spouse to let them know about how they dont like it. At the end of the day, if your mum has done this and your dad still wants to keep his friend, then your mum has 2 choices: put up with it unhappily or leave. Has your mum asked you to intervene on her behalf? if not, think about how you would like it if they were to interfere in your relationship
your dad, and you mum are allowed to have whatever friends they want. if one friend causes a problem for the other party, then it's up to that person to either put up with it or communicate with the spouse to let them know about how they dont like it. At the end of the day, if your mum has done this and your dad still wants to keep his friend, then your mum has 2 choices: put up with it unhappily or leave. Has your mum asked you to intervene on her behalf? if not, think about how you would like it if they were to interfere in your relationship
Hi MsBehave
Have you spoken to your mum about this or is this just a vibe you have picked up from her when this man is around?
I would definitely speak to your mum and find out exactly how she's feeling. I have to assume that she doesn't know how to approach the situation with your dad, or she's frightened of his response or being ridiculed. It may also be a good idea, if your mum isn't sure how to word it, for you to have a chat with your dad if you have a good enough relationship with him. As your dad's his friend, it's ultimately up to him to do something about this (or choose not to). Maybe your dad doesn't realise that this intrusion is affecting your mum so much.
And to be fair, if it was my parents, I would not keep my nose out. I would also be a concerned daughter, looking out for the interests of my parents. If they asked me not to get involved, then fair enough I'd respect that. But until that point I'd do what I could to help out in a difficult situation.
Although... if I thought that this man was royally screwing up my parent's relationship, I'd probably have a very direct word with him myself, i.e. tell him to back off and give them space, find himself some hobbies of his own. Again I have a great, honest relationship with my parents, so it depends on your relationship with them. He himself perhaps doesn't realise what he's doing and I certainly wouldn't give a damn if I upset him or he never spoke to me again, and if it made him wake up and stop being so needy, it would be worth it, for his sake and your parents'.
Have you spoken to your mum about this or is this just a vibe you have picked up from her when this man is around?
I would definitely speak to your mum and find out exactly how she's feeling. I have to assume that she doesn't know how to approach the situation with your dad, or she's frightened of his response or being ridiculed. It may also be a good idea, if your mum isn't sure how to word it, for you to have a chat with your dad if you have a good enough relationship with him. As your dad's his friend, it's ultimately up to him to do something about this (or choose not to). Maybe your dad doesn't realise that this intrusion is affecting your mum so much.
And to be fair, if it was my parents, I would not keep my nose out. I would also be a concerned daughter, looking out for the interests of my parents. If they asked me not to get involved, then fair enough I'd respect that. But until that point I'd do what I could to help out in a difficult situation.
Although... if I thought that this man was royally screwing up my parent's relationship, I'd probably have a very direct word with him myself, i.e. tell him to back off and give them space, find himself some hobbies of his own. Again I have a great, honest relationship with my parents, so it depends on your relationship with them. He himself perhaps doesn't realise what he's doing and I certainly wouldn't give a damn if I upset him or he never spoke to me again, and if it made him wake up and stop being so needy, it would be worth it, for his sake and your parents'.
we have the same problem in our family. a woman who lived across the road was widowed and my parents showed kindness and now this woman is like a leech.
She gets nasty and calls them when they want to spend time alone without her and she expects to be treated as one of the family i.e. not alone xmas or new year although she has family of her own.
It has driven a wedge between our family as all three kids are fed up with the woman. She has far too much of an interest in my dad, although he is too stupid to see it.
We here some very odd reports of what she thinks and what she says to others and calls my mum and dad from a pig to a dog. They cannot go anywhere or join any social event without her joining the next week.
I wish she would disappear and find some other mugs to cling to.
I feel for you
She gets nasty and calls them when they want to spend time alone without her and she expects to be treated as one of the family i.e. not alone xmas or new year although she has family of her own.
It has driven a wedge between our family as all three kids are fed up with the woman. She has far too much of an interest in my dad, although he is too stupid to see it.
We here some very odd reports of what she thinks and what she says to others and calls my mum and dad from a pig to a dog. They cannot go anywhere or join any social event without her joining the next week.
I wish she would disappear and find some other mugs to cling to.
I feel for you
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