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Zacs-Masters story (I thought I'd get in before Mrs O did, tee hee)
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Zacs-Master (born Peregrine Ignatius Morton-Pratt) was conceived during the blitz on 23rd January 1939 which his mother found very difficult (as the blitz didn’t start until September 1940).
Born out of wedlock on 19th November 1946 (It was a difficult Labour) his father, a soot juggler from Barnsley, took one look at him and said ‘By eck lass ‘ahm joinin’ t’army t fight fer Queen and country, sithee later’. He died in Burma from syphilitic haemorrhoids, which some said was a fitting end as he’d been a pain in the a... all his life, and Peregrine grew up never seeing his father (everybody....aaaawww).
His education was sporadic at best and he attended Cheltenham Ladies College from 15 to 18 for which he received three police cautions and a dose of Clap.
He had a talent for art and was accepted at Batley College of Art & Design and showed particular interest in life drawings. On one particular morning the life model didn’t turn up and, using his suave sophisticated charm, managed to persuade Doris Bumfluff the landlady of his local public house The Crab and Ointment, to ‘stand’ in, earning him 2 and sixpence comission. Peregrine realised from this moment on that his calling lay not in the arts but in persuading ladies to take their clothes of for money.
He continued to procure ‘models’ for life classes for Batley College which, at first, produced meagre earnings however, his notoriety grew and soon he was supplying life models for all the northern art colleges and his fame and fortune grew. Several of the Art Masters regularly requested Peregrine to furnish models for ‘private sittings’ for which he realised he could charge a premium due to the ‘indiscrete’ nature of the rendezvous (and due to the fact that most of them were married).
During the Olutlandish 1960’s Morton-Pratt became an even more outlandish figure in his adopted West Yorkshire and would often be seen in a full faux-leopard skin suit and matching fedora driving his Ice white Vauxhall Cresta PB 3.3 Powerglide convertible and smoking a large Cuban.
To be continued...............
Born out of wedlock on 19th November 1946 (It was a difficult Labour) his father, a soot juggler from Barnsley, took one look at him and said ‘By eck lass ‘ahm joinin’ t’army t fight fer Queen and country, sithee later’. He died in Burma from syphilitic haemorrhoids, which some said was a fitting end as he’d been a pain in the a... all his life, and Peregrine grew up never seeing his father (everybody....aaaawww).
His education was sporadic at best and he attended Cheltenham Ladies College from 15 to 18 for which he received three police cautions and a dose of Clap.
He had a talent for art and was accepted at Batley College of Art & Design and showed particular interest in life drawings. On one particular morning the life model didn’t turn up and, using his suave sophisticated charm, managed to persuade Doris Bumfluff the landlady of his local public house The Crab and Ointment, to ‘stand’ in, earning him 2 and sixpence comission. Peregrine realised from this moment on that his calling lay not in the arts but in persuading ladies to take their clothes of for money.
He continued to procure ‘models’ for life classes for Batley College which, at first, produced meagre earnings however, his notoriety grew and soon he was supplying life models for all the northern art colleges and his fame and fortune grew. Several of the Art Masters regularly requested Peregrine to furnish models for ‘private sittings’ for which he realised he could charge a premium due to the ‘indiscrete’ nature of the rendezvous (and due to the fact that most of them were married).
During the Olutlandish 1960’s Morton-Pratt became an even more outlandish figure in his adopted West Yorkshire and would often be seen in a full faux-leopard skin suit and matching fedora driving his Ice white Vauxhall Cresta PB 3.3 Powerglide convertible and smoking a large Cuban.
To be continued...............
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It was in the Christmas of 1967 at a Charity party for the Spen Valley Donkey Stone Supporters, that he was introduced to 17 year old Miss Constance Verity Overall, daughter of prominent entrepreneur Antoine Overall, owner of butchers chain ‘Giblets R Us’. Peregrine was instantly smitten and instantly put into a moral dilemma, as Antoine was a regular customer! The attraction was obviously mutual, Constance having no idea of Morton-Pratt’s line of work, and being seduced by his effervescent charm and wit, and the relationship was consummated that night on the coal shed roof of the Dewsbury Working Men’s Club (affiliated).
As always with such tales, Constance’s father came to learn of the relationship and banished his daughter to stay with her aunt in Answerbank Under the Wold (twinned with Bald Knob, Arkansas). In consideration of Peregrine’s knowledge of Antoine’s nocturnal activities, this was not a shrewd move on the latter’s part. Peregrine begged Mr Overall to tell him where Constance was, to no avail. In a fit of rage and fuelled by 8 pints of Worthington E, he drove his Cresta through the gates of Giblet Towers and forcing his way past the Butler, who was only known by the nick name ‘Sqad’ confronted Constance’s mother with the truth of Antoine’s after hours proclivities.
Mr Overalls marriage collapsed, swiftly followed by his business empire. He later managed to pull himself together and can still be found in Heckmondwike selling TV’s and presentation equipment from his shop known simply as ‘TonyAV’.
But what of Peregrine? I hear you ask. Well, he fled to South America and lived as a Gaucho rounding up cattle on the Argentinian Pampas. Unfortunately they weren’t his cattle and he spent several years in prison as a ‘special friend’ of Miguel Talboto in a 6 x 4 cell just outside Cordoba. However in 2007 he escaped and is thought to have fled to Britain where several unsubstantiated sightings have occurred, chiefly in the Whitby area, where Constance now resides as the resident ‘Miss Lucky Duck’ and handbag shop minder.
As always with such tales, Constance’s father came to learn of the relationship and banished his daughter to stay with her aunt in Answerbank Under the Wold (twinned with Bald Knob, Arkansas). In consideration of Peregrine’s knowledge of Antoine’s nocturnal activities, this was not a shrewd move on the latter’s part. Peregrine begged Mr Overall to tell him where Constance was, to no avail. In a fit of rage and fuelled by 8 pints of Worthington E, he drove his Cresta through the gates of Giblet Towers and forcing his way past the Butler, who was only known by the nick name ‘Sqad’ confronted Constance’s mother with the truth of Antoine’s after hours proclivities.
Mr Overalls marriage collapsed, swiftly followed by his business empire. He later managed to pull himself together and can still be found in Heckmondwike selling TV’s and presentation equipment from his shop known simply as ‘TonyAV’.
But what of Peregrine? I hear you ask. Well, he fled to South America and lived as a Gaucho rounding up cattle on the Argentinian Pampas. Unfortunately they weren’t his cattle and he spent several years in prison as a ‘special friend’ of Miguel Talboto in a 6 x 4 cell just outside Cordoba. However in 2007 he escaped and is thought to have fled to Britain where several unsubstantiated sightings have occurred, chiefly in the Whitby area, where Constance now resides as the resident ‘Miss Lucky Duck’ and handbag shop minder.
1 to 13 of 13
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