Flying

[marval]

I got absolutely hammered and spent two hours flying a helicopter last night.
Then I ran out of 50p’s

I used to work as a mathematical lumberjack. My timing was out though, I used the wrong logarithm.

I was out playing golf yesterday when my boss rang to ask why I wasn’t at work. I said “I am on a course.” He replied “Oh, that is okay then.”

A friend of mine got me a new car for my birthday; it wasn’t the car I wanted, but he had already paid for it. It was a Fiat Accompli.

I have just put a tracker on my new car in case it gets stolen. I still don’t know how a chocolate bar will help locate it though.

I have just opened a new 500sq ft. shoe shop. I haven’t sold any of them yet.

My wife always puts on a jolly face. Which explains why she was fired as a makeup artist.

I love playing chess at the park with old men. The hard part is finding 32 of them.

I was laying down earlier and I thought to myself, ‘Laminate flooring is much easier than duck feathers.’

[Tilly2]

I don't get the first one. :-(

[marval]

It wasn't a real helicopter Tilly, it was one of those you see outside shops. Where you put money in and a child has a ride.

[Jackdaw33]

...nor me.

[Tilly2]

A bit over my head that one, Marval. Thank you for explaining. :-)

[marval]

Sorry folks.

[tonyav]

I got absolutely hammered and spent two hours flying a helicopter last night.
Then I ran out of 50p’s

Blimey thats a coincidence, I was driving Thomas The Tank Engine.