When should introduce new man to my Son?

[madham]

I have met a wonderful man, I'm 32, he's 39 and he has a daughter who he hasn't seen since she was little (so not used to children as such) we have been together 2 months and I have kept my 10 year old Son informed about him. Me personally I don't think I'm ready for them to meet, but that's because I am worried about the outcome. My Son's Dad is already filling his head with nonsense and therefore he has been showing off about he's not going to behave if I don't let them meet now. My partner is now really worried and says he doesn't want to compete with his Dad and wants to also wait a while longer as he says the relationship is still relatively new and it could ruin things before we have decided how serious we are about our future, I try and go to him when my Son is at his Dad's at weekends and he visits me in week and any free nights in between, he lives about 45 miles away from me but he has already given me a key to his house. I'm just really worried that things will end if I do it to soon and he decides he doesn't want it, I know love conquers all and he should be able to put up with what is thrown at him (if anything) I have had 2 brief relatiohsips in the last couple of years and this one feels like the one for me, I'm 98% sure we will eventually get married, but it just needs to get past this point. So do I go on what my Son wants or what I want? Thanks in advance

[Matheous]

I'm not going to rabbit on here madham, I speak from experience......Don't risk losing the relationship you have with your Son- it IS more important than any potential Husband or Wife.....

[madham]

Thank you for that Matheous, not the answer I was hoping for, but I will take it on board, nothing or noone will ever come between us to an extent it jepeodise my Son and my relationship.

[WendyS]

Your son is only ten and needs the emotional stability of his relationship with you. He doesn't need the complication of having to worry whether another man is going to come into your life and change everything for him, possibly resulting in him having to move house, change school, lose all his friends. He's presumably already had to deal with the trauma of his parents divorcing and all that that has meant.
I suspect you're going to have to keep this new friendship very low key for quite a while yet, only gently notching it up when you think both you and your son are ready to deal with the implications it will present.
You say you're both uncertain whether you're ready to move to a deeper stage yet so don't rock any boats. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and if this relationship is genuinely meant to be, it's worth taking your time to ensure you get things right.

[maviscoull]

i would say the odd meeting would do no harm, as this would allow your new partner to get to know your son and vice versa. maybe a trip to the pictures then a pizza. you may even discover that they may get on like a house on fire. naturally your new partner is not wanting to compete with his dad, he doesnt have to !! go for it !! i would and let us know how things go !!

[madham]

Thank you Wendys you have confirmed for me what I wanted to do, wait until the relationship is more stable and just reassure my Son in the meantime that nothing is going to change and that I love him all the same. Also thank you Maviscoull you have given me a good idea as what to do when the time comes, but I just don't feel it's right me (or my partner for that matter) even though my Son has asked about meetng him.

[devilwoman]

there some good advice hre especially from mavis, if you had a friend of the same sex, ie a woman, your son wouldnt object yto her, neither do your girl friends object to your son, so this relationship for the time being should in your sons eyes just be friendship, all 3 of you can enjoy each others company maybe once a mo nth or so, and you could have a adut night together with yor man, if you do this right both boy and man could be good friends if and by the time the relationship gets serious, the downside to this is if they do like each other and a bond is formed and you split up the boy is going to take it hard if he loses pptential step dad too, thats another story. good luck to all of you.

[maviscoull]

if your son has asked about meeting him then you should consider it. if you put the meeting of too long then your son may feel that you dont want him to meet your partner and he may feel left out. like i said in my last comment, a normal day out should do the trick. he will feel that you do want him to meet your partner. i have 2 daughters and if i was in your position and i had strong feelings for my partner, then i would let them meet.

[madham]

Hi, I have been out with my partner tonight and my Son never mentioned a thing (even though he knew I was seeing him), fickle aren't they children. We had a good chat about it and decided when he comes back from visiting his Mum in Spain, in 2 weeks, we will discuss a definite day, but will stick with Maviscoull' plans of a very informal day like bowling or pictures. Will update you if and when they meet, thank you everyone for your comment, I no longer feel I'm alone in what is a very important decision x