Suffering right now...

[ChocolatChip]

I'm really struggling at the moment with life in general. And it has been a similar pattern since I left school.
I left school, suffering with deppression, anxiety and anorexia. (Have since had a lot of help and now supressed the eating problems.) Yet I am still suffering from the other problems.
I went to college, and experience my worst time to date. I left after about 2 months as I couldn't cope with the pressure. I couldn't sleep at night, and was miserable constantly. I had a lot of counselling, but nothing happened.
I then after a while moved onto a waitressing job and spent 6 months there. After only about 3 month, the sleepless nights began again. The stress (Yet without the pressure) and once again I couldn't cope.
I eventually left and became unemployed for a couple of months.
After this time I felt somewhat better, and decided to get another job.
Now, after only a couple of months again I am becoming depressed and suffering.
Today I gave into temptation (the worst thing ever!) and had a day off sick.
I get very scared before I go to work (normally I get the bus) I will think up ideas to escape, and have vivid ideas of getting hit by cars in order to escape.
I will cry when I get to work, and lock myself in the bathroom.
I really can't cope, and right now I am desperately awaiting an appointment with a psychiatric nurse from the hospital. But still, no luck.
I really don't know what to do, I'm at my wits end.
I just need someone to talk to and support.

[beso]

That is quite sad, 'chip. You have a genuine depression problem. It also sounds like you don't feel there is anyone in you offline life that you can talk to. Everyone needs someone to listen sometimes but a bit of reassurance and a hug is the real cure. Unfortunately we can't really do this as effectively online. If I remember right it is done like this,.
((((( ChocolatChip )))))

Doctors will probably give you drugs but this is slippery slope. There are natural remedies that do work for some people suffering depression.

Physical exercise actually releases hormones called endorphins that help make a person feel happier. Essentially when we work hard the body releases a painkiller. Some people even get addicted to it. I know I was in my youth when I was a serious 5000 metre athlete.

You start getting the hormones as soon as you start pumping so it is something you can do right now. Go for a brisk walk or even run on the spot for ten minuites if you really can't get out. Using energy also works wonders for the appetite.

I would also suggest taking up yoga. It brings focus to both the mind and body. The peacefulness that comes with yoga is the best strress relief I know.

In the bigger picture why not take up a sport where people all are experiencing endorphin highs together. Something like netball will get you in touch with other people and give you a bit of shared joy in your life.

[4getmenot]

Have you had any counselling?

[burston]

ChocolatChip

Great name and Im sure you are a great person. The thing about this website Ive found is you chat away to your hearts content to total strangers and yet some of them can be really helpful, perhaps because they are strangers.
Dont dispair if you are waiting for an appointment. Why not visit the Samaritans. I know they are great people and they may be able to help you talk things through and help you to feel a bit better until your appointment.

Best of luck

[leelapops]

Oh chocolat :( I have little advice to add to what has already been said well. I just wanted to say that if you would like to add me through Sportsbk PM I am happy to be someone who listens, and offers advice if needed.

You have been so strong already to fight your depression and find new work. I really think you need to push for that appointment ASAP, and speak to someone objective and professional. You should also get in touch with your local MIND centre, as they are so helpful and supportive, and not at all intimidating.

Just bite the bullet, and know that seeing someone will bring you one step closer to feeling you can face the world. I know online friendships are easier to manage than 'real' ones sometimes, so use the people you have connected with online. Is there anyone, though, in offline world that you feel safe to talk to?
Take care x

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks beso. I will have to think about it. I have never ever been a particularly sporty. I was always the one that came last. And tend to get a bit self concious about the way I look, but I might give the sports thing a go.
And yes 4getmenot, I have had 3 lots of counselling, none of which ever came to anything. And either I moved away (i.e. Left the school, college) and the last counsellor, whom I was referred to by my doctor was an awful person, with a 'I'm right, you're wrong' kind of attitude. I stopped seeing her after a few months.

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks burston, I might do that, it just gets so dreadfully hard sometimes.
My family are quite upset at me for having the day off, because it'll probably be a slippery slope down until I just can't pyshically go back. It's a shame, because its a nice job, bit boring. But all the people are really lovely. And sometimes, I think it makes it harder. Because people are always thinking- 'what the hell do you have to whine about?'
And makes me feel even worse and pretty guilty.
I have my partner (who lives with my family) to talk to, but he struggles to cope with my moods. Especially when he has his own problems.
And the other person I talk to is going through a nightmare divorce, and I would feel awful putting all my problems on top, when they need people to talk to.
I try to be more of the caring listener, than the talker.
I'm desperate to get better, since I want to go back to college in september. And if I continue, I'll just leave again.

[Whoever]

ChocolatChip - can you get to your local library? I am sure they will have some helpful books on Coping with Depression there - ask the librarian to track them down for you. I'm sure you will find lots of advice and symptoms you recognise which will help you feel that you are not alone.
The only advice I can offer is not to take a day at a time, but if you are feeling low, take just an hour at a time.
Physical activity can help raise your mood level, but if you're not a sporty person, just take yourself for a walk. But try to make it a positive walk where you specifically try to observe little things to make your journey more interesting.
Can you figure out why you feel scared before going to work? Is it because you think you will not be able to cope with certain situations which you may be comfronted with?
Try to think of other difficult situations you have faced in the past and overcome them and slowly you may realise that you do have the power to face your day.
And try to practice slow deep breathing exercises at regular intervals during the day. This will help to calm you Keep telling yourself "I only have to tackle one hour at a time". Then keep going.! Hopefully you will soon find that one hour will turn into two hours, you will realised that nothing bad has happened to you, and your confidence will slowly increase.
You say you are self-conscious about the way you look. Are you overweight? If so, just try to eat slightly smaller portions of food every day. That, combined with some regular walking will help to shed a few pounds. And could you bring yourself to confide in somebody sympathetic at work? That might help to take the pressure off you a little bit.

[beso]

A walk in nature has special benefits.

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=mg19 626356.600