Suicide - Behavior of person

[numnum]

As I've mentioned here about my mums boyfriend hanging himself a couple of weeks ago.

I wanted to ask people of have been affected by this. What was the persons behavior like before they done the act? Do they just go about normal life then decide to stop? I find it that crazy that he carried on as normal. Here's some of the things he done:

He was speaking to his best friend the day before telling him how he was looking forward to coming to where me, my partner and kids live for a holiday in a couple of weeks time

He worked for himself and took a deposit from a job the day before he died and he was meant to do the job the day after he died

He put an add in the local paper for his business and that went in the paper day after he died. we got the first reply to his add today

It just seems bizarre if you know what you were going to do, to be doing things like that or is that normal.

We're now coming to terms with whats happened but like everyone we'll probably have a lot of unanswered questions

[Bobbisox]

Thankfully not, but such a sad story

[ummmm]

In the majority of suicide cases they simply aren't thinking straight. Often it's not something they actually plan in advance so carrying on as normal is what they do.

[Old_Geezer]

It sounds to me that although he was likely to have been contemplating suicide for a while, he suddenly decided enough was enough and he'd follow through while he thought he could. It would explain carrying on as normal and then suddenly thinking, the time is now.

Just my guess. I suspect all individual cases are different.

[chelle7272]

A close friend of mine did the same a few years ago. We had been out for a drink at lunchtime to celebrate him getting a new job. At teatime another friend called to tell me he had hung himself that afternoon.
I think it can be one of the most difficult things to eal with becuase as you say there is not always any indication but you still wonder if you could have done something.


I agree with the advice that you all should get some counselling,

[classylady60]

What a terrible thing to have to deal with it is unimaginable for those left behind in such tragic circumstances. As to your question, my OH worked with a chap who was taking voluntary redundancy. On the day he was leaving he bought all his workmates drink and was happy to be leaving and said his goodbyes. All in all nothing wrong in that at all. A few days later his wife came into the works and asked if anyone had seen him as he hadn't come home on the Friday afternoon and she didn't know until told by his workmates that he had even taken the voluntary redundancy, she was stunned. She asked if he had been having an affair and gone off with another woman, they said they didn't know but had no suspicions of that. A week later she came back to plead with his workmates to tell her what had happened but they knew nothing.

It wasn't until another week later that where they lived there was a bomb scare (or similar activity) and the police were searching garages. They couldn't get into this chaps garage so forced it open and the poor chap was in his car having committed suicide (presumably after work on that Friday) by running the car engine after shutting the garage door.

I often wonder how people can function normally up until the time they do this...personally I think they are brave to be able to go about their lives and know what they are going to do...but for whatever reason they do it, we will never know. It's the people left behind who are tormented and what a terrible thing that must be for them. I hope you and your family come to terms with this very sad episode in your lives. xx

[DrFilth]

i don't think it is something that people talk about they go about there lives normally then do it.
last person who i know about was a lad who i sometimes had a drink with in the pub, always happy, no money problems had a job lived with his parents. if he was ever short of cash they would look after him as he was their only son.
one night he comes past me says he is on his way home and asks me are you in tomorrow i said yes , see ya tomorrow

he stops to say bye to another couple then waves to the lads at the table he had been drinking with. still smiling he leaves the pub.
he went home and that was it, nobody ever saw him again his parents found him the next morning .

[wolf63]

You will never fully understand why he did it.

I have suffered from Manic Depression all my adult life (I am 47) and for most of that time (25 years) I worked as a civil servant. But the demons, hallucinations and all the crap that goes with the illness was still there - I functioned so people thought that everything was okay.

It may have been planned or a spur of the moment decision - you might never know.

[ChocolatChip]

Sometimes I believe that if it something that has been planned for a while, then because it set, then they feel relieved that it is set in motion and the suffering if almost over (for them!).
I study psychology, and have often heard of cases of an individual's mood picking up just before suicide.
Obviously it is a very complicated situation, and no one will ever fully understand what goes through someones mind during this time.

[mrs.chappie]

My nephew committed suicide at 23. He had spoken about it to the family just one week before he did it, and he was calm and seemingly quite sure he knew he wanted to go. He was not depressed and had no background of mental illness, nor had he any physical illness. He just didn't want to live out his natural life.

His mum still receives counselling, and this is going back a few years now. I don't think she'll ever get over it.

As someone else has already said, I think every case of suicide is different.

[mrsmaveric]

how awful these stories are..a friend of mine killed himself after a row with his wife leaving behind 2 children as well..he just went out and put a hosepipe from the exhaust into the car..i think that was just a spur of the moment thing but his wife and children moved to scotland afterwards..what a waste...

[Philtaz]

My uncle shot himself a couple of years ago. He had been on anti-depressants for a few years, but this only came out at the inquest. My aunt had no idea he had ever been prescribed them.
His behaviour prior to the suicide was nothing out of the ordinary, he just drove to a secluded spot in his works van and took out his rifle.
Without any note, explanations are, unfortunately, not always forthcoming.

[4getmenot]

everyone of my mates different. One had tried it many times before he succeeded. One was fine then overdosed. One hung himself in an attention thing knowing he would be seen but broke his neck. One partied one new years millenium then went home and rang his family to tell them he loved them and one went shopping same day and bought loads of clothes. All men.

[ChocolatChip]

4getmenot, the story about the gentleman who did it for attention, yet accidentally killed himself, how awful! And extremely sad for his family.
Suicide rates are often much higher in men than women.

[momcj]

These stories are so tragic and sad. Its such i shock (probably me being niave) but i think it so sad that there have been so many that people know about that r just on this site. tragic.

[seadogg]

Its about the worst thing a rescue team can be called on to do, and not uncommon unfortunately. Everybody is very quiet when the body of a suicide has to be brought in

[numnum]

thank you for sharing all your stories

its such an awful thing to go through. its one of those things you just cant get your head around why. especially when he was just going about normal life and even on the day he went and bought his lotto ticket, spoke to my mum a couple of hours before she found him. he'd even drilled wood to the roof for support and rather than putting it up any old way he did it inch perfect and even cross drilled the screws in ( if thats what you call the nice grooves) then screwed it up.

you just cant imagine what he was thinking at the time, if he was scared, worried or if he was happy or just completely flipped and didn't know what he was doing. thats the question i think we'll always want to know the answer to

[albaqwerty]

How is your mum coping?

There will always be unanswered questions.

[numnum]

as well as can be. i have my kids with me so we're not getting much time to think.

now we're having to sort out the debt he got them in due to helping out his boss. waiting on my mums solicitor to get back to us with whats going to happen. i dont think the debt will get written off, it will go to the house/mum from what the solicitor though in their first meeting

[albaqwerty]

sweetheart, if it his debt then anything from his property etc will pay towards that. Joint debt would be more difficult.

Any death is awful to deal with but when someone takes their own it's no better or wrose.
Jeepers, I can't type what I mean, I'll try any sudden death is a shock to cope with. Things need to get handled (legalities and so on) which when one is bereaved and in shock is dreadful.