Dear Females: Why Am I Not Good Enough?

[drummer0315]

I'm a Sophomore in college and I'm so sick of immature college girls. I've been nothing but a nice, considerate guy my entire life and yet only one girl has ever been attracted to me; we were together for almost 2 years. She goes to the same school as me now, and ever since we broke up, she’s had nothing but success with the opposite sex; EVERY guy wants her and she’s loving it! I, on the other hand, have faced nothing but rejection. It seems girls only want the masculine, attractive guys and apparently that just isn't me. And it’s not like it’s my personality that’s aversive (at least I could change that). Every girl I've been rejected by these past few months has wanted to maintain a friendship with me, and they truly mean it! All five of them have become rather close friends of mine, and they always say, “You’re such a great guy! Whatever woman ends up with you is going to be very lucky.” But I’m starting to not believe that. I'm apparently just not attractive enough (and it’s not like I'm unattractive by any means—I mean, I am the frontman in a frickin’ indie-rock band, I'm just not a Brad Pitt clone with a six-pack). I’m the guy that takes care of women when they’re drunk and puking in the toilet, when they need someone to talk to after the latest attractive *** breaks their heart, yet it’s never me they want to be with. Why am I never good enough?!

[MantaRay]

I know how you feel! I've had the "you're a great guy, but" treatment. Maybe it's something to do with commitment, some people demand 100% and don't like it if you have other interests or commitments.

[factor-fiction]

I suggest that few relationships at age 18/19 (which I assume you are) will still be ongoing in two or three years' time. Nevertheless relationships at this age can still be good fun, allow experimentation and help you learn lessons for future relationships. But there is no rush- just be yourself and enjoy the company of others- male and female- and I'm sure a relationship will come at some stage

[Old_Geezer]

Maybe being too good a friend means you are not appearing to be an exciting pospective partner. Maybe you are waiting too long to be sure before 'making a move', and so you have already been assigned the 'friend' role ?

For sure don't fret over it all, having a girlfriend is not vital for happiness. But just keep an eye out for those who may be interested in you. If it happens, it happens; if it doesn't then it isn't the end of the world.

[mccfluff]

try being a bad boy

[TTG]

Take control...ask them out for a daytime coffee. Say you have booked a table somewhere for a meal and say you will pick them up at a time set by you.

I know it's difficult but don't fuss over them too much (at the start anyway!) taking care of them when they are drunk or being sick...that's what their own girlfriends should be doing. Only do that if there is noone else around and there is a danger to their health. Otherwise they will class you on the same level as their friends.

You certainly don't need to be a Brad Pitt clone or have a 6 pack to be a success with the ladies. Just be yourself. Maybe you are trying too hard. Just play it cool and be patient. Good luck!

[TTG]

ps I am not female...well I wasn't the last time I looked!

[Andyvon]

Attraction comes from within Drummer. One day - when you least expect it - you will meet that special girl who wants you just for you. Those girls who only concern themselves with a boy's looks generally base their relationships on sex. Those relationships don't last as those are the people who jump from one bed to the next. I don't think you are one of those people and you would be hurt if someone did that to you. Although many people do jump from bed to bed nowadays, many do not and that is the sort of girl you will meet and be happy with one day. That girl will love you simply because she likes you as a person.

Besides, do you really want to be with the bed-hopping type who you have to help vomit down the toilet? Would you be pleased to take an idiot like that back home to meet your mother? I don't think so and I'm sure you don't either.

Your soul mate will come along one day soon Drummer. Then you'll realise what a joke the others are.

[askyourgran]

^^ditto Venator. In the meantime collect good friends, they are always useful when you feel down.