job with accommodation

[amanda2305]

Hi, I wonder if someone can help me?
My husband and I are houseparents in a small boarding school that is privately owned by a large company. We have a 3 bedroom house attached to the boarding house for us to live in. We pay no rent, rates or bills of any sort. We moved here late august ready for the new school year. The previous house parents had a family, other houseparents have had family living with them.
My problem is this. My 18 year old son has now decided he wants to live with me. He was with his dad and had an apprenticeship which has now ended. I would dearly love him to move in with me. He wants a new start and the support that I can give him. My employer has told me that it is not permitted, that the living accommodation is provided for our sole use and not for anyone else. My argument is that at no time has this ever been mentioned. There is absolutely no referece to family living in the accommodation in either our employment contract or service occupier agreement.
My employers argument is that I never asked. This is true but at the time it wasnt an issue and all the evidence suggested that it wouldnt be an issue anyway. They maintain that it is not a local decision but policy of the company that own the school. I am advised that he can stay for one night with permission. Home for him is 260 miles away. (This is not a CRB issue, that is being done regardless of outcome of this)
As there is no option to live elsewhere, I feel as though I am being given a choice between my son (and right to a family life) and my job which I love.
Can the employer spring this on me without any mention of this? Can I be denied the right to share my living accommodation with my own son?
This situation is tearing me in two and any help or advice would be appreciated
Thank you
Amanda

[boxtops]

You need to ask to see the policy which states who can live in that house. Surely if your son had been living with you at the time you took the job, then he would have been pemitted to do so? It seems crazy to have a big house with only a couple living in it. What happens if he (or any other guest) comes to visit you for a week. "One night with permission"? - it's your home, would your guests have to be CRB cleared?

[welshlibranr]

I would push this issue, it's your son!....he should be allowed to live with you if you wish, it's your home, it's part of your employment package!.......they are being unreasonable here, if you have room for him, then he should be able to live as a part of your family!.......

[Maydup]

You have every right to enjoy a normal family life amanda. Ask for a meeting with someone from the "company" or a copy of a tennancy agreement that states "no family life".

You are not subletting or anything like that , don't give in.

[boxtops]

I can understand them wanting to know who's living in the house, particularly if it's on school premises with access to the children.

You could ask "can you spring another adult occupant on the school with out any mention of this", to balance out the picture. If it's not in the contract, then quite possibly you can't.

Who in the school are you discussing this with? It sounds as if there is precedent, unless they advertised this time for a couple without dependents?

[buildersmate]

There is no legislation to cover this, so statements like 'its part of your employment package' (it evidently isn't) and 'you have every right to enjoy and family life' may offer encouragement but have absolutely no weight. Geez - someone will be wanting to quote a breach of human rights next.

I would agree they are being unreasonable, but you are going to have to persuade them of that. One part of your question is puzzling - the bit about 'not a local decision' and 'the policy of the company that owns the school'. Does this imply that your employer is not the company but an organisation contracted to provide education services to the company? If so, I would try to get a meeting with the HR department in the company.

I can only add that this would not have been an issue at two large public schools which I have recent association with - but in these cases the 'employer' of housemasters/mistresses is the charitable trust that is the public school. That, however, does not give you any legal precedent to go on.

[TheShakeperian]

I would think this is because as your son is over 18 he is legally an independant adult, only children under 18 count as 'family' as they are dependants.
You say he has done an apprenticship so he is / was working , therefore he is an 'adult non dependant' in the eyes of your employers not 'family' in the sense of a child who still lives with his Mum/ Dad.

[cathfromsaron]

seems unreasonable, because even at 18 he is your child ...

would they act differently if he could pay rent?

or have you spoken to the correct people? don't take a 'no' from people who can't give you a 'yes'!

cath x

[TheShakeperian]

I still think that the employers definition of 'Family' is Parents and dependant children. An 18 year old who has left school does not fit that definition. If you were claiming family allowance or family tax credits for him that would have stopped as soon as he left school.
What age were the children of the previous house parents? if they had a child over 18 living with them you could have a claim for equal treatment.
Paying rent is a non starter as if the school accepted rent from the son it would be in effect giving him a tenancy which would cause all sorts of legal problems.

[TheShakeperian]

Just meant to add , You are living in school property on school premises in order to be available for your job,you do not have a tenancy so what the employer says goes.
Sorry, but I do not see you have much chance here, the school will say that you need permission to even have an overnight visitor.
I sympathise (father of 5 myself) but you have to realise that once a child is 18 they are legally not your responcibility.
From a purely legal standpoint there is no diffrence between having an adult non dependant son live with you and having a lodger.
It will come down to the schools insurance , which will not cover having adult non employees living on school premises.
That has just given me a thought, it it at all possible your son could get a job working with the school ? maintenance or something? that may solve the problem.

[tonywiltshire]

It would appear that your employers are acting unreasonably, talk to them, you want to keep your job and if you are doing a good job they will want to keep you.
Remember Jaw, Jaw is better that War, War.

[bednobs]

i really must be on a completely different page to everyone else - i personally don't see it as unreasonable at all that the school can say who can and can't live on site. If i was giving responsibility to the school over my children when i wasn't there, i wouldn't want random adults living on site (i am not suggesting in the slightest that there is anything inherently wrong with your son of course, but just that this is an extra adult who they will be housing for free, who will come and go to his job everyday, disrupting house life). You ARE being given a choice between your job or living with your son, so it's up to you what you want most i suppose

[TheShakeperian]

Bednobs , we are 'singing from the same hymn sheet' here
I have tried to point out that the questioner does not have a tenancy , she just lives in the school premises to act as a houseparent.
No school could allow adult non school workers to live within school premises, it is against all child safety regulations ( not that for a second am I suggesting that the questioners son could post a threat)
I sometimes work as a kitchen assistant in a boarding school and the regulations are very strict about who can even potentially have access to the children, and rightly so. For instance, I am not even allowed to step outside the kitchen area and children are banned from the kitchen. I need an enhanced CRB disclosure even to work in the kitchen.
What if the school did allow the 18 year old son to live there and he wanted to bring a girlfriend home ? that would have to be banned and we would have a 'Human rights' issue. It is even possible the son could start a perfectly legal relationship with a female pupil over 16, how would that look if it got into the papers ?

[boxtops]

I'm with the last two posts here - the proposal is to bring a young man onto school property who has nothing to do with the school. If they did permit it - IF - he'd probably need to be CRB checked too...

[bednobs]

it sounds from the questioners responses that the son is being crb checked, but i don't really think that's the issue. The school surely must have absolute right to say who can and cannot live there (after all they are providing the accommodation for "free". Their bubble, their rules

[TheShakeperian]

Yes, let us suppose that the school did allow the 18 year old son to live on the premises , then he wants to have his mates round for a few beers and watch the football on TV or have a birthday party , pretty normal for a teenager, how could that happen on school grounds ?

[tonywiltshire]

I do think your employers are being unreasonable. It will be important to establish your status; if you are in England you are probably a Service Occupier. Establish your status and talk to your employers.