Crosswords2 mins ago
Miss punounced
61. A man goes to his psychiatrist. "Doctor, you've got to help me," he says. "I keep thinking that I'm a well-known psychoanalyst." "How long has this been going on?" asks the shrink. "Well," the man replies, "it all started when I was Jung..."
62. Philosophy puns? I Kant Hegel with you. It's a Nietsche market!
63. A prisoner's favourite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
64. Prison walls are never built to scale.
65. We were mountain trekking when my friend's lederhausen started falling apart. I quickly used a needle and thread to strengthen my own shorts and a stitch in twine saved mine.
66. A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain who named him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.”
67. If a wife thinks she's always right, will she find she's left by her husband?
68. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
69. A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.
Stallone says "I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart"
So the Director says, "Very well, you can be Mozart" Then he turns to Arnie and says "Arnie, who would you like to play?"
And Arnie says "Ah'll be Bach!"
70. Credit Crunch latest news: In London, the Isle of Dogs Bank has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
62. Philosophy puns? I Kant Hegel with you. It's a Nietsche market!
63. A prisoner's favourite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
64. Prison walls are never built to scale.
65. We were mountain trekking when my friend's lederhausen started falling apart. I quickly used a needle and thread to strengthen my own shorts and a stitch in twine saved mine.
66. A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain who named him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.”
67. If a wife thinks she's always right, will she find she's left by her husband?
68. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
69. A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.
Stallone says "I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart"
So the Director says, "Very well, you can be Mozart" Then he turns to Arnie and says "Arnie, who would you like to play?"
And Arnie says "Ah'll be Bach!"
70. Credit Crunch latest news: In London, the Isle of Dogs Bank has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
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