Hey! Rate my song lyrics please!

[jeffgreggs]

Hey guys! This is a song I have just written, let me know what you think!


YESTERDAY


A tear falls from my eye
A lonely raindrop from the sky
Your eyes burning embers of a flame
In the dark I called your name
How can I fully express?
How I wish to fix this mess

Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday

When I first saw your face
You made my heart quicken pace
I looked at you, you looked at me
I went weak at the knees
I took your hand, to you I said
“I choose my heart over my head”

You were the light to guide my way
The moon at night, sun in the day
Every day was like a dream
Fish swimming in the stream,
Birds flying through the air,
In your eyes, a loving stare

Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday

What a price I was to pay,
When, on my cold and darkest day
You looked at me with vacant eyes
And took your hand away from mines
It ended there, no words to say
Yesterday became today.

I can’t bear to see you now
Your hand in his, I question how
Your love for him is to plain to see
Our love a distant memory
Why can’t things ever be
like they once were in our dreams?

Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday
Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday

Thanks :D

[cupid04]

Very sad. Prefer something more cheerful. Heartfelt though. Is it about personal experience?

[ELVIS68]

Too much rhyming, sounds more like a greetings card message

[shooty]

Agree with Elvis, its a poem. Good work, but its not a song. Keep at it. : )

[nocturnalme]

Are you twelve?

[Mick-Talbot]

Agree with Elvis , far toooooooo much rhyming going on for this to be a good song . It is also a bit too long, it goes on and on.

[Joolee1980]

Haven't you been posting this repeatedly for a few weeks now?

[MarkRae]

Stick to baking...