So Confused And Annoyed

[phleb]

My mum is in hospital with chest pain, possible chest infection, but keeping her in to be cautious.

I have a new baby and the other two so would struggle to sit with her like we normally do. we take turns. Sis and her little boy lives with my mum. Sis asked me to babysit little boy so she could escort mum in ambulance, i said yes i would. So i was going to collect him and my other half got peed off saying why should we have to babysit, we have our hands full etc etc and she should send him to her brothers. I felt bad, and after arguing with him, to stop the argument, i told my sis i cant have him so a family friend babysat.
My sister is peed off with me, but i don't know what she expects me to do as i have three kids to think about. I don't want the problems to start in my home again, we have finally settled after a rough ride.
My hubby as some of you know is difficult to live with and has been violent at times. Since my little one has been born and i got pregnant, his attitude has improved. We rarely argue now, and he is nice to me and fantastic with the kids. The only argument we have is about family issues like this one. He doesn't like me to get too involved with my sister all the time. My argument is that my sis has helped me loads through my pregnancy when he couldn't be bothered and i should repay that.

Well I sat with mum for an hour and he text me to say baby is crying and wont settle. I had told my sis to go home to see to her little one and i would sit there until she got back. I felt worried about baby crying (shes breastfed so very clingy to me) and said to my sis i was going home now and mum should be fine for a bit as my sis was putting her little one to sleep. After a bit my sis went back to my mum. Again i felt guilty for leaving my mum alone.

I feel upset because i cant seem to do anything right at all for anyone. I cant please them all. This has really stressed me out and now i cant sleep, have this horrible feeling in my tummy, and feel completely lost. It felt like a choice between my crying baby or my mum. I love them both dearly.

Because my sis lives with mum she is more involved and does everything i.e looks after running of house, mums meds and appointment etc. I am always indirectly guilt tripped because i only visit every day and since baby was born i havent been able to go round every day. it can get difficult.

Am i selfish? Does this make sense?

[Mamyalynne]

Tensions are high and obviously there are underlying problems, but my view from what you have said is that hubby is being unreasonable. Three children in house, one more is not much difference ( well never was to me).

At times like this everyone has to put aside their differences and think of the person in pain in hospital.

Hope Mum is better soon.

[ummmm]

No, you are not selfish. You have a small baby and that baby needs you more than anyone, especially as you breast feed. You are doing as much as you can and I'm sure your mum and sister appreciate that.

On a negative note...I'd tell your hubby that as you can't be with your mum as much as you'd like then the least you can do is watch your nephew while your sister sees her. It's give and take. You are not in a position to be there physically but you can help as much as you can indirectly by babysitting....your husband should understand that!"

[B00]

To be honest Phleb, you sound like a saint, as your husband comes across in your posts as a total arse.

If it was me, i'd be there for both my mum and sister and tell my husband to grow up and support you as he's supposed to.

Good luck x

[anneasquith]

send him out to work. you and your sister arrange visiting mum and baby-sitting between you. express some milk, and it will be available for dad if baby is hungry.

[woofgang]

You've had some good advice here. Do you know why you husband is so jealous of your sister?

[pixie373]

Not selfish at all. You're struggling to be everything to everyone. I'm sure your sister is aware of what your husband can be like? Speak to her so she is aware of how you fee and yes, try to explain to your husband that you all need to help each other out at the moment xx

[phleb]

I didn't sleep well last night at all. Been to see mum, then i sat with my nephew while my sis went. I do try, I am just exhausted and over emotional at the moment, mum not well, neighbor issues still ongoing about dog, new baby, feel at the lowest at minute, only thing keeping me going is new baby and the other darlings i have. Hubby doesn't help matters and sis doesn't really understand. He babysat for me when i went for my visit, and he will never stop me seeing my mum, his issues are 'don't take responsibility for other peoples kids' that's what he told me anyway, and i told him he is my nephew and i love him like my own....so i can only do my best.

[Mamyalynne]

He may not have a similar family bond as you have, keep your cool - you are doing the right thing.