ChatterBank1 min ago
Racial Abuse
I am white and my wife is black. Two days ago a woman who I know very well socially refered to my wife as a "fat African pig" . At the time her boyfriend said that was completely out of order and agreed with me. Now when I confront the witnesses they are all in denial. "I did not hear her say that". The very least I would expect is an apology. I saw all the witnesses earlier in my local pub and I was asked to leave by the lanlady who is white. I feel no one is on my side and my wife is very distressed. Comments/advice please.
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It is not difficult to see how both of you would be at least seriously uncomfortable with all of this. Looking on the bright side, you now know what the people, whom you previously would presumably have described as "nice" or at least "pleasant", are really like. Personally, the exile from the pub would be the least inconvenience and (again, being realistic) something of a compliment.
Referring to seeking confirmation from witnesses suggests you might contemplate taking some form of action for redress. That is not something I would consider or advise but obviously it's is your life. My advice would not be identical to Naomi's but along the same lines: Develop a better judgement when picking people you choose to take seriously.
Referring to seeking confirmation from witnesses suggests you might contemplate taking some form of action for redress. That is not something I would consider or advise but obviously it's is your life. My advice would not be identical to Naomi's but along the same lines: Develop a better judgement when picking people you choose to take seriously.
I understand why you think an apology is owed but look at this pragmatically. The woman who gave the insult is probably unrepentant and not interested. Her boyfriend didn't insult you, and despite their relationship meaning he'd feel a responsibility to side with his partner, he has already expressed his disapproval, and I think that would be the best you should hope for from him. Folk nearby may not have heard, and even if they did it's an exceptional individual who volunteers to get involved in someone else's argument. The situation is pretty much as one would expect given the circumstances.
Your best course if action is to accept that you meet all sorts as you go through life and try not to let the ignorant ones get to you. After all it is only oneself who suffers by fretting and getting angry over past events. Same advice to your wife. Take heart from the thought that at least you rise above that. The perpetrator has to live with who they are and the anger/stress that causes them time after time, all their life.
Take a deep breath and put it in the past as part of life's rich and varied tapestry. You'll have a happier life by doing so.
Your best course if action is to accept that you meet all sorts as you go through life and try not to let the ignorant ones get to you. After all it is only oneself who suffers by fretting and getting angry over past events. Same advice to your wife. Take heart from the thought that at least you rise above that. The perpetrator has to live with who they are and the anger/stress that causes them time after time, all their life.
Take a deep breath and put it in the past as part of life's rich and varied tapestry. You'll have a happier life by doing so.
All I wanted is an apology and that would have done for me. The boyfriend is someone I have known for over 15 years. He was there when the incident happened. Now he is in denial. I have sent him a text message saying that we all need to move on and I am willing to draw a line under the whole affair. I have taken the advice offered by OG and others and will try to put it behind me and move on.
It could be classed as racially insulting because the reference to African implies an attempt to use skin colour (the only visual that one could associate with the African continent) as if it were an insult.
Granted being called African ought not offend but having given it some thought, I think reference to skin colour, whether overt or implied, can be considered more aggressive. One doesn't usually consider, for example, skinny and fat people to be in competing rival groups; but skin colour implies different people, different tribes, a "them and us" situation.
Thing to do is refuse to play that game, not interpret it like that. Let it be water off a duck's back.
Granted being called African ought not offend but having given it some thought, I think reference to skin colour, whether overt or implied, can be considered more aggressive. One doesn't usually consider, for example, skinny and fat people to be in competing rival groups; but skin colour implies different people, different tribes, a "them and us" situation.
Thing to do is refuse to play that game, not interpret it like that. Let it be water off a duck's back.
^Taking offence at being called 'African' or 'Black' implies that being African or black should be something to be ashamed of. It's not. People should be proud of their heritage. Agree with the aggressor. Say "Yes, I'm African" or "Yes, I'm black" - where does that leave the aggressor? Feeling a bit silly I'd say.
either move on or go to the police
Plan P is socially divisive and may fail as a result of witnesses not wishing to get involved
moving on and getting on with life has the least grief attached
typical lose-lose situation
wifey is the one that you had to show was UK resident when she was on holiday in France ? how did that go ?
Plan P is socially divisive and may fail as a result of witnesses not wishing to get involved
moving on and getting on with life has the least grief attached
typical lose-lose situation
wifey is the one that you had to show was UK resident when she was on holiday in France ? how did that go ?
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