Boy Crush Coming Between 10Yr Olds Friendship

[boona]

Hi, would you expect a 10yr old to understand loyalty to friends when one has a crush on a boy? My daughters best friend has a crush on a boy at school and he likes her too. Problem is my daughter has recently decided she also has a crush on him and she told her friend and her friend is getting jealous of her speaking to this boy. I told my daughter that maybe she should be loyal to her friend and leave them to it but she doesn't understand the problem and said its her friends own fault if she is jealous!! Do you think 10yr olds are too young to be thinking of being loyal to friends when it comes to boys?

[Chinajan]

Your Mum is over 80 and you have a daughter at school?

[boona]

Yes what is the matter with that?

[Chinajan]

It sounds...unlikely

[boona]

How judgemental and rude!!

[Mamyalynne]

I think all you can do here is explain it the best you can and then leave them to it, if their friendship suffers it will either blow over eventually or simply just become part of life's learning curve.

[sherrardk]

I’ve got 5 kids, let them crack on with it and be there when/if your daughter comes home crying.

[boona]

I guess so, the best friend mum says she is dissapointed in my daughter, I am thinking seriously! She is 10yrs old

[Mamyalynne]

It will escalate if both Mums get involved, as Sherr says - leave em.

[Mozz71]

Why is that so unlikely Jan? If Boona and her Mum both had their kids in their early/mid 30s, that would be about right.

Boona, sometimes you just have to let the kids figure it out for themselves.

[boona]

Yes, the other mum basically said that her 10yr old and this boy have a crush and my daughter needs to butt out lol

[Mozz71]

That's just weird. When I was 10 all I cared about was Star Wars and football lol

[sherrardk]

I once went mental when a kid was being super horrible to boy #1 - ended up telling the Dad to keep his wife on a lead at pick up time. It wasn’t pretty (although the crappy behaviour did stop). I haven’t interfered since (if it’s been something serious I just handed it over to the school and let my child know I had their back).

[anneasquith]

Listen to yourself, she is ten years old, a child.

[boona]

Anne, I agree. The other mum has annoyed me, she said she would expect her to have some loyalty to her friend, even at 10!!

[anneasquith]

Ignore the mother, don’t allow your daughter or yourself get involved in this issue which will last one or two days .

[boona]

Anne, I will do. This has already been going on for 3 wks...

[boona]

Hello again, sorry to go on about this, does anyone have any good advise I can give my daughter. I have told her that she has to leave her friend and the boy to it and try not get involved but the problem is that they all have phones so both the friend and boy message and chat with my daughter when the other one is not available and then drop her when they get together again which my daughter finds upsetting.

[andy-hughes]

You should keep out of it as much as you can.

You are in danger of employing adult perspectives in children's relationships, never a good idea.

And never involve or be involved in another parent's inclusion, it never ends well.

[boona]

I agree Andy, I am so annoyed with myself to let the other mum go on about it, she asked if she could call and I wanted to say let's just let the kids sort it out but I let her call instead. I did say they are just kids and I also think for her to say that she is dissapointed on my daughters loyalty is over the top but this is looking bad on my daughter but I really want her to keep out of it

[bednobs]

@china jan, I had a baby when I was 44 - my mum and dad would have been well into their 80s when she reached 10!
In regards to the OP, I can see I have this to come (daughter is currently 8) I tend to tell my daughter if she gets upset about friendships that it'll blow over and it always does!