What Do You Think About This Writing?

[Needanswers7777]

I want to be lost…
Or maybe I am lost!

Nevertheless, I've decided to become a cube of ice…
The world has ignored me and has been unkind to me. Why should I not treat the world the same way it treated me?
I am writing not to amuse my readers…I am only releasing my anguish and I don't give a damn what you think!
So close this book and continue living your meaningless lives, if you don't like what I have to say…
Oh God… I don't even love You… I don't even love myself…
My readers are now biting their lips in indignation… I am certain of it!
So go along and read about my destiny if your little brains are curious enough to have the urge to know why I have decided to become a cube of ice…
I don't think anyone will ever read this book…
My only audience is myself and I detest myself!

I used to be human too… I never thought I would ever wish to become a cube of ice…

Most people believed I clung into trivial matters…

Trivial thoughts…

Trivial words…

Trivial gestures…

And overthinking about them all the time…

Being rather hysterical over them…

They thought I was too sensitive…

They thought I was too strict…

Did they know what was going on inside my brain?

Of course not!

My problem was that I felt too much…I felt with every morsel of my flesh…With every alive cell inside my body...And I remembered everything…Every glimpse…Every sneer…Every twisted word…Every sign of indifference…No! I would be glad if it were indifference…It's rather humiliation…

I remembered them all and they kept rubbing a blade against my heart and shedding my blood till I fall on my bed, numb and helpless…

It hurt me to think of it all, yet I couldn't stop thinking.

I hate myself…

God...Damn You! Why am I made like this? Why have You made me like this?!?
Why am I made like a white piece of paper which can easily be stained without ever being able to return to its pure and clean state?
Why am I not made out of glass like all the others? They can be stained and cleaned over and over again…

I detest You God! And like Satan I swear I will not leave these stupid children of Yours alone until I will get my vengeance!

[bobbinwales]

Random

[aelmpvw]

not likely to win the Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Prize For Comic Fiction . . .

[Chinajan]

Suffice to say I wasn't biting my lip.

[dannyk13]

Nonsense.

[THECORBYLOON]

"I am only releasing my anguish and I don't give a damn what you think!"

Why the question then?

[Khandro]

Did you write it, or is it a quotation?
My answer depends on yours.

[Ken4155]

I don't think anyone will ever read this book.

[cashier]

It's a good thing you are not writing to amuse your readers, you won't have any even if they made it that far. I closed the book and will get on with my meaningless life.

[Needanswers7777]

Khandro/
It's a quotation based on one of my friends' writings. He asked me to ask my other friends what they think about it. I decided that AnswerBank might be an appropriate platform.

[highbury57]

Random. Overwrought.Overwritten. Shapeless. Self-conscious but not in a positive way. I can offer a more detailed critique but it won’t help.

[Gromit]

You should tell your friend to stop squatting at the top of the fridge.

[brainiac]

Embarrassing

[Canary42]

Very melodramatic, and a bit OTT IMHO. But an interesting style as an opener - but the downbeat depressing mood must change quickly to stop the Reader throwing the book down in despair. It sounds like the raving self-justification of a psychopath, so presumably it's going to be a serial killer whodunnit novel.

[jackthehat]

oh.....what fresh hell is this....?!?

Begone and take your juvenile twitterings with you...

[Khandro]

Needanswers7777 // Ignore the insults - (some which really warrant reporting).

It does seem to me to be a bit pretentious, someone, - I presume a young woman (?) is trying to express as graphically as she can her rather troubled outlook, "..I never thought I would ever wish to become a cube of ice…" which is just silly.

I would tell her to consider who she thinks she is writing FOR , if it was an entry in a personal diary with no care for anyone else reading it, it might be different than if she she addressing an audience.

Write it again & reduce in size by at least 50% & simplify it, simplify it, simplify it. Read some great writers who have dealt with anguish - where to start? try Dostoevsky's 'Crime & Punishment'.