Thoughts On This Song I Wrote?

[river454]

A lot of people said they couldn't hear what I was saying in a different song I posted yest. Wondering how people find this tune. Any thoughts welcome.

[Canary42]

Better but voice still drowned out.

[Zacs-Master]

You're not singing in the same key as you're playing for a start. There are a million songs which start with chord arpeggios.

[river454]

zacs master.. i can assure you I absolutely am singing in the right key. May be the odd note that is off. But I am singing in key for most part.

[piggynose]

Call it a day!

[Atheist]

Your voice is pleasant, but the words are not clear in this mix; can't hear what on earth you are singing about. Repeating three chords over and over is not interesting for an old guy like me. If you listen to Roy Orbison songs you might agree that they are more interesting, partly because of the musical development from start to finish of one of his pieces and also because of the emotions expressed in the words that he sings. His voice is better than yours (but then, his voice is better than almost everybody) but you should aim to be better than everybody - I can't tell you how, but it's up to you to aim for that. Keep working on it. Good luck.

[LadyCG]

It's sensational. I think you're going to be the next big thaaang, baby.

[Barsel]

Zacs I'm sure he is singing in the right key, but not necessarily in the right order. :-)

[Atheist]

river; you are singing in key. That's not an issue. I know you know that, but I thought I'd mention it in case bad comments make you doubt your basic ability.

[Barsel]

I must admit I couldn't make out the words you are singing so I put on my headphones, and I still couldn't make out the words.
Can I suggest a couple of things?
Try singing in a lower key and choose a room with better acoustics.

[THECORBYLOON]

I thought you had posted a second attempt at the other song.

Sorry but it's worse than yesterday's and I had to look at the words again to work out what you were singing.

I did pick up the f-word before I read the words so that, at least was clear enough.

If you carry on with this, you must include a warning about the language.

"May be the odd note that is off. But I am singing in key for most part."

If you want to get anywhere, it helps if you're in the right key all the time, not just most of it.

[Atheist]

People like dapex don't have an ear. Don't worry about your ability to pitch, focus on melodic interest, lyrical interest and vocal interest. I'd recommend simple strumming to indicate the key, and upfront vocal volume and interest to put across your message. Picking arpeggios behind your vocals is just a distraction. Good singers don't need to hide behind fancy guitar work. You probably learned to play guitar and then moved to singing songs. I recommend focussing on the song, not the accompaniment. Best wishes.

[Atheist]

dapex; I didn't mean that you, dapex, don't have an ear; I was referring to one of your critics. Sorry about my misunderstandning.

[TheWinner]

Your guitar playing isn't that bad, but suggest you get someone else to do the singing? I don't think this was the right key for you. Do you not have a transposing chart?

[THECORBYLOON]

DAPEX is banned now so don't worry about his or her feelings...

[Barsel]

Who is Dapex?

[Barsel]

Sorry, have just seen they are banned.