Death of a baby/ next pregnancy

[foxlove]

I lost my first daughter when she was 13 weeks old, she had a chromosome disorder. I now have a healthy second child. I found the second pregnancy and first few months after the birth very emotional...and felt there were lots of decisions and issues about scans/tests etc to face. I want to write an article about this experience and wondered if there is anyone else who has lost a child either in pregnancy or after, through whatever reason, who would be willing to share their experience of next pregnancy with me ? I'm not sure if it's OK to ask this on this site, but I do feel that shared stories and experience really does help us to heal and others to cope with their own situations. With love and respect to all parents out there, especially those who carry their children who have gone before them in their hearts.

[cliffsdoll]

i had a miscarriage at 11 weks into the pregnancy, this is 12 years later and i had 2 more children after it, i personally prefer to live in the present rather than the past, i am glad you went on to have a healthy child, i know you'll never forget your first daughter, but the pain will fade and you'll always have the memories of those 13 precious weeks. good luck to you and your second child.

[rampart]

My wife had a miscarriage with our second pregnancy. It was absolutely horrible. We had no idea how painful this loss would be. Many friends wrote us notes saying that they had been through this. Our priest stopped us one day as we were walking down a hall at the cathedral and pulled us into a chapel. He opened the prayer book and we said some wonderful prayers together. It was very healing.

Nevertheless, with the next pregnancy, we were, of course, quite concerned. Everything went well, but we were certainly much more worried. We knew we could have had a second miscarriage, but we wanted children and accepted that risk. The third pregnancy was fine, and so we have two wonderful children.

I think having a great marriage and supportive family, friends, and church were very helpful.

[Jules001]

I had an absolutely normal textbook pregnancy with my first child so had no reason to think anything different when I became pregnant again, however I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks which was awful, however I then went to have a further 2 miscarriages both before 10 weeks and I truly believed that I was never going to be able to have another child, thankfully I did go on to have a healthy daughter who is now nearly 14. Miscarriage at any stage in pregnancy is upsetting, but I personally feel that as mine all happened relatively early in the pregnancy, it was easier for me to come to terms with than if it had happened later or as in your case when you had actually had time to bond with your daughter, I really feel for you and as has been said you won't forget your first child and it is only natural to have the concerns you did with your second pregnancy. You now have a healthy second daughter, hopefully you have some support from your partner and/or family. Don't be afraid to talk about your worries, but take time to enjoy being with your daughter.

[foxlove]

Thankyou so much to all of you who have answered. I am now very happy with a wonderful loving husband and a second very healthy little girl, as I said. I feel my first's brief life has been a wonderful blessing, I would not have missed her short time here for anything. She has enriched my life beyond measure, opening my heart and allowing me to find perspective and peace. I write now and am also training to work as a bereavement support worker and with the Child Bereavement Trust and Cruse, if any of you would be prepared to discuss your experiences further, for possible inclusion in an article, please contact me at *********** Many thanks again not only for your stories but also your kind words and thoughts.

[noxlumos]

Is it possible that answerbank could have some common sense and not edit people's contact info in this way, it's really ridiculous. Post it again Foxlove.

[Jules001]

noxlumos, I have contributed to this thread and I know where you are coming from, but the AB's rules are that no email addresses are to be given and they can't make exceptions on the merits of each thread. Foxglove could risk being banned if she continually posts her contact details, I am sure this site would benefit from her input and wouldn't like to see her banned.

[noxlumos]

Agreed if that's the case but they clearly do. See here for a thread I was personally involved in.

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/People_and_Places/Questio n192322.html

[noxlumos]

Sorry that link seems not to work, however email addresses were exchanged and are still showing to my knowledge.It's another reason we need personal messaging, as I don't think it's helpful not to be able to get in touch with each other.Either that or give us enough credit to decide to give out our emails if we so wish.

[foxlove]

Thanks for those comments, I'll just try a second time...hope not to get kicked off the site! [edited by AnswerBank] Thanks again