CSA money doesn't reach kids

[pegsim]

I have 4 kids and my new partner has 3 kids We all get on well... had afew problems... mainly to do with his ex, with CSA payments.. which my partner pays every month with out fail... but the kids dont benefit from these payments.. as in clothes and shoes etc.. they come over and we have to buy more stuff for them, and the cost of feeding 7 kids, well its hard.. as I dont get CSA money for any of my kids.. we both work hard to give our children what we can.. like this year.. we have saved to go on holiday.. we asked her to help with clothes for her kids, and she wont help us out... we asked CSA, and they said that a holiday is a gift.... we carnt win... is there anyone with the same problems as us. we want to live like a normal couple, get married and settle down.. but we can't, because he is paying out twice for his kids... we have been together for 2yrs now...

[Bohne]

I don't have a solution for you, unfortunately, but we have the same problem.

My husband pays a fortune for his daughter.
More than 400.- a month.
She has already lost him his house, since she was not paying the money for it, and lives now rent free with a boyfriend.
Additionally we send clothes three to four times a year, and whenever something else is up, (and only then) does she contact him and ask for money.
And he always pays.
I guess part of it is him feeling bad about hardly ever seeing his daughter, since she lives in the States.

But the woman really starts annoying me.
How can anybody be so greedy?
I suspect most of the money is spent on drugs, and she's in and out the hospital and drug clinics all the time!

[kazza12345]

i presume she has custody of the children?

i don't understand why you have to buy them clothes and shoes when they come over? And i presume you only have to feed them when they visit? I would also presume that if they were staying with you then you dont pay maintenance to her for that period (actually, you probably still have to i suppose). If you clothe them when they are with you, then no wonder she dosen't buy them new stuff! maybe you just need to get tougher?

[JudgeJ]

If your new partner had remained with his former partner and their children there is every likelihood that almost all of his income would have gone towards keeping that family.

The fact that he and his former partner have chosen (for whatever reason) to part should not alter that. The amount he pays via the CSA towards the upkeep of his original family is probably minimal and I would wager that it falls far short of the sum it used to cost him when they were together. The shortfall must be made up by somebody else and this is very often the taxpayer.

Your partner�s prime financial responsibility lies towards his three children, not towards you and yours. This responsibility lasts until his children are all of age. If he should have any funds left after keeping them in the manner in which they were accustomed whilst he was with their mother, then he can indulge himself in the luxury of his �new� family.

Your partner is not �paying out twice for his kids�. Whatever he pays he is only paying once � and even then is probably paying nowhere near what it used to cost him.

I can understand your desire to live like a �normal� couple. I would not be so bold as to prescribe what is �normal�. What I would suggest is that your family circumstances are such that it is unlikely that you will have much spare cash to lavish on the activities enjoyed by �normal� couples whilst your partner has three children to support from outside your relationship.

[noxlumos]

Unless he pays out thousands per month of course the kids are getting the money. His ex has to feed them and care for them the majority of the time. Just because the lady dosn't spend the money on things which are important to you doesn't mean that the kids don't benefit, and some people's idea of sensible dcent clothes etc are very different to one anothers.I've been married twice and have custody of all of my children but my ex wife doesn't pay anything to me whatasoever but if she did it would have to be a vast amount of money per week just for simple things like food and trips out. Kids cost a fortune as I'm sure you know so why do you think they aren't getting any money from you?

[Primular]

We have a similar situation. My fella was paying �94 (over 12 years) per week to his ex wife but when he came to us on a weekend he was always wearing ripped scruffy clothes and trainers that were coming away from the soles. My fella replaced these clothes and then about 2 months later he turned up wearing scruffy clothes again. We bought him some new ones again but this time he changed before he went home and we kept the clothes for his next visit. We aso made sure that he went home with a full tummy after uasually a good day out, fun fair or swimming for example.

His son has turned 19 now and he does not have to pay any more maintenance. However he is still at college and he gets a text message of him, every couple of weeks, asking for �50 to be put in his bank account.

Between us we have 3 children me 2, my fella 1. I only get �35.24 per month for both kids, so I have experience from both sides. I personally do not agree that kids need nearly �100 to live on a week (and when mentioned to various freinds tey have agreed). My fella's ex never saved 1p towards their sons future ie college fees etc but now expects him to carry on paying the maintenance to her for him. When will he be able to stop the payments, when he turns 20 or 30 or 40 or when.