Question Author
Birth number one I thought I was at a Suede concert - I don't even like Suede but they were playing on the radio and I asked hubby if he had managed to get us front row seats. My midwife told me that I had the best seat in the house.
Birth number two I was forced into natural childbirth by two nasty midwifes who refused me pain relief from the start and made it a truly awful experience which I later reported them for. They gave me a telling off for grabbing hubby's chest - remarking that he would have no chest hair left at that rate and said that I was being a baby and that women in Africa would be ashamed of me because they can just 'squat by the road and give birth'. I pointed out that I wasn't IN Africa and didn't remember having said that in my birth plan that I would prefer to squat in the road. They also kept asking me to make tribal grunts (?) Bizarre !
Birth number three : Due to severe lack of gas and air in birth no 2, I gorged on the stuff to the point where I was nauseous , actually heard buzzing and felt as if I was under strobe lightning. My tongue went numb and felt like a lump of lead - try speaking after too much gas and air ! The mad drug induced hallucinations were fun oddly enough. I became so attached to my dummy ... er , mouthpiece, that even after I had given birth I was still merrily puffing away. My midwife told me that I could stop because I had HAD my baby and do you know , I was so out of it that I actually forgot. How bad is that ? So after 'one for the road' she prised it out of my hands. Man that stuff is good. I thought about smuggling out a cannister but I thought that a huge big cylander and mouthpiece might just be a bit noticeable.
Oh Dotty - a Harley. Lucky you - I would love a ride on a Harley , even if just in a dream. All i got n my dream was a lump of grass to chew on. Hmmm. I'm sensing some inequality here