alchoholic friend??

[Agent_Smith]

i have got a friend...........well...i did?? he has been kicking people on his way down for a couple of years and unfortunatley i was one of them, he has got no respect for anybody and has been cheating people out of money, stabbing people in the back and basicly been a general nuisance? after he stabbed me in the back last year, he bounced a couple of cheques on me, broke a few of my tools and in the end borrowed a vehicle of me and brought it back with a broken engine, i eventually cut all ties with him...... which is a shame? anyway.....................i saw his "wife" yesterday and as we have always got on i stopped and had a chat with her, she tells me that they have split up because of his drink problem which he has been hiding for a few years and the doctor has told him he has got liver damage. he tried to come off it but lasted only a few days.......... at the cost of his long suffering wife, he has not bothered seeing his children whilst they have split??...... so my question is............................ what the hell can i do? how can i make him see what he's doing? he admits he has a drink problem (but only when he is drunk???) any advice would be good before i find him a beat the living daylights out of him!!!!!!

[bednobs]

why should you do anything?
do you mean to imply that you dont know if its a shame with the question mark, and that you dont believe he hasnt seen his children with the question mark. I find your q a bit confusing cause im not sure whether the question marks mean you are not sure about things or you are just a qustion mark abuser :-)

[Agent_Smith]

so somebody is on the verge of loosing everything including maybe his life, i am asking if anybody has been in this position before and you take the p*ss out of my grammar?

[originalang]

You're a good friend to want to still help and not turn your back completely. You're up against it until he admits to himself he has a problem and he decides he wants help. I watched my mum drink herself into oblivon for many years and lived through the heartache that goes with it whilst trying to get her help. Eventually, she actually did it herself and we've had five years now of her being well. The best you can do is stress everything he's about to lose when he's sober and support him in getting that help. I still don't know what made my mum turn her life around but Im glad I stuck around for her. I wish you and your friend the best of luck.

[bednobs]

i AM NOT taking the p out of your grammar - your title is alcoholic friend??? - does this mean you dont think he is alcoholic?
you say "i cut all ties with him - which is a shame??" - like you are questioning it - i am simply asking you whether that means you think its a shame or not as that will help with your answer wont it?
"but only when he is drunk???" does that mean there is a question over whether he admits it at other times? All of this helps us understand your question, and therefore give appropriate answers wont it?
forexample, if you dont really think its a shame you cut all ties with him then i would say why should it fall on you to do anything at all?

[bensmum]

I lived with an alcoholic for a few years and tried to help but as the previous answer says they have to do it thmselves, it's something you can't do for them. You are a good friend to want to help and the best way you can do this is by trying to get him to see what he could lose and to be there for him if and when he decides to try to give it up. It is a very hard and bumpy ride and you will face a lot of abuse and hard times as alcoholics always seem to blame everyone and everything else for their problems while they are drying out. I sadly had to let go in the end as the abuse became too much but I wish you luck - your friend is very lucky to have your support.

[raysparx1]

Hi Agent,, Not a lot I can add to what originalang has said, it is not easy or nice to see somebody throw away all th things that are precious to us all, but he is ill, he really needs to seek help himself, untill he does that he can never get rid of this demon, If you see him talk to him, but only if he is sober, no good talking to a drunk, and as bensmum says, this is a very bumpy road, but if he can see that the road in front smooths out a bit, he will never get better, he will also have this problem forever, always just one drink from, ruining it all, wish you good luck and hope he does seek the help he needs, but unless he asks for help, it ain't going to work.

[curlyperm]

well, i guess it depends on exactly HOW good a friend he has been in the past, and whether you think the friendship is salvagable i mean do you miss him or is life easier without him? its not really your responsibility to help him get his act together, and sometimes people just dont want to help themselves? I had a 'friend' who did a lot of the things that you mention, to me, but this was not drink related, however i decided that having her in my life was not worth the aggro and decided that some friendships die a natural death, having said that.......if you really think you can help him, why not catch him on a sober moment, tell him you want to help, and maybe accompany him to some sort of AA meeting, the drink afterall seems to be the root of his problems, his liver can repair itself, but at the end of the day A-S he has to WANT all this for any of it to happen, failing that, you could just be there when it all goes pear-shaped, which if he doesnt get help - it inevitably will, i do think his wife needs to play a part in this though. oh and good luck ; )

[missyR]

I think in many cases it's best to stay away from his problems. They are, after all, his problems. He may have crossed you once or twice but by no means does this mean you have some responsibility in his personal life. She obviously has issues with him and they need to sort them out. It sounds as though he's brought it all on himself, as youdon't paint a nice picture of this guy. But i'm sure if he has the will power to make a change he will. I know that as you know him you feel drawn in to help him, but he may well resent you for your input. I'd stay away and see how things go.

[Bellringer]

Tried all of the above with a good friend but he would not help himself. Many of us tried but because he didn't try we gave upon him. You can't help somebody who will insist on going his own way. Cut the ties and remember the happy days.

[warpig3]

agent smith I have thought long and hard before anserwing your question because I was that person. There is nothing you can do to help him, he must realise this for himself and hopefully he will before it is too late and all is lost. An alcoholic will do anything to get money for booze, as you have seen by the bouncing of cheques. When addicted to alcohol all reasoning is gone and the only focus is the next drink and where to get it. Friends and family take a very distant second place sadly. I was very fortunate to have extremely good friends who , even when I f*cked up big style, were there to help me, did not judge me and allowed me to be me. I never blamed anyone for my problem with alcohol or the associated problems (of which there are many) as it was all my own fault.

You can talk to your friend until you are blue in the face but until he decides to stop you are limited. all I can suggest is not to judge him too harshly, remember the person he was before this happened, the qualities he had and the reasons for him being your friend.

I sincerely hope he can break this cycle before it is too late, it can be done, believe me I know.

Take care
warpig
xx

[raysparx1]

Hi warpig, I remember talking to you about this a while back, and just wanted to say how great it is that you have beaten the demons, but as you yourself know, it is one day at the time forevermore, but you have been strong enough to fight this evil illness, what you have said was from the heart and so true, take care warpig, Ray xx

[warpig3]

Thank you Ray, its not easy but the benefits are so huge as to be unimaginable. The sky is bluer, the sun is warmer and everything is right with the world (well as right as it can be!!!)

warpig
xx

[society]

Hi Agent,

I am sure your friend is aware of his alcohol addiction. There is nothing you can do to help him because he is too fond of the bottle. He has to want to overcome this vice for himself, and he is the only one that can truly help him. I applaud you in you generous friendship. Your friend is extremely lucky to have a friend like you. Take care.

xx

[bobtheduck-]

no time for alcoholics sorry

[curlyperm]

goodness bob have you ever thought of joining the Samaritans? i'm sure youd be an assett!!! ; )

[Agent_Smith]

you live a sin free life do you bob? he who casts the first stone and all that sh1te?

[jimmy654]

Here in the states we have something called the big book by Bill Wilson http://www.12step.com/big-book.html
I'm sure it's available in England get him a copy sent to his house