It still hurts.

[sosad]

I'm not really asking a question as such, more a need to get my feelings out; and I guess you guys will agree or disagree. Some time ago I told you my story, here's the update. It's been about 18 months since I was excommunicated by means of ending a relationship where I thought our plans were the same. He is still seeing this girl from his department, and is astranged wife still doesn't know anything about her. He went on holiday with his estranged wife back in August and with one of our last conversations I had with him, he knew they would have s*x. All you advice was so true, last time. He is either very mixed up or just Nasty which I have to laugh at the similarities in the spelling of that word and his good self. I've had to watch him parade round with his new found love. whilst at work. Thank you for small mercies that his astranged wife doesn't know or she would be feeling like this. And I wouldn't want that for her or his two children. I'm just surprised about myself that it hurts so much still. I know i truely loved him and cared about how he handled everything with his children and responsibilities and I guess because I'm still hurting the love ran very deep. I just wish it would go soon.

[teag1rl]

Hi sosad
I think I do vaguely remember your story.
18 months is a long time to be hurting over this. Have you made any attempt to go out and enjoy yourself? No more potential suitors on the scene? Time will help the pain to go away, but it's aided by getting on and being happy, enjoying time with old friends, new friends, family. Sorry if this is patronising. You're so much better off without him.

[China Doll]

Unfortunately these emotions don't come with a use by date so if you're still feeling sad then that's ok. I think I read somewhere that it takes about half the amount of time yopu were with someone to get over them.

You can do a few things to minimise it though, you say you're still in touch and it sounds like you work together or something, is there any way you can knock both of those on the head? At the very least it's time to stop looking at this person as a friend. You clearly don't see them as just a friend and why should you force yourself to try. Is it because any relationship with him is better than none? Well sorry love but s0d that, if you can't be friends and it hurts to see him with new girl or hearing about his predicaments then don't listen or see it any more. Constant contact isn't going to help.

Another thing is to look at your feelings for this man, you do sound like you're trying to be objective but do you honestly feel you love this man for what he is or for what you imagine he could be? To me he sounds like a selfish individual but maybe your feelings are blocking you seeing him for what he is even though you're trying to.

Minimise contact, go out with your friends and smile even if you don't feel all that happy, believe me, in time you'll catch yourself laughing for real and it'll suprise you. Don't berrrate yourself for the times you do feel sad but don't sit around moping either, put on some music and do the bum dance (everyone does the bum dance in secret) or call a mate. Put all the energy you're focusing on missing this guy in to getting your head right and I bet you start seeing results pretty soon.

Goos luck

[Roy262]

I do understand how your feeling as im going through the same sort of thing with an ex..
The way i have been dealing with it is your better off without him..
If he is doing this to his wife and kids WHY would you be any different..HE WOULD DO THE SAME ON YOU
Just think your self lucky your not his wife because your upset now , how would you feel if you was his wife and this was happening..
He will get caught and lose everything he had.
You will meet some one else as we have all been there and come out of the other side..
Chin up xx

[Mr k]

Ive just been reading your old posts the guy was telling you everything you wanted to hear just to keep you sweet.
This might sound hard but it was easy for him to say and meant nothing just words.
You don't want a person like this as what he is doing to his wife and bit on the side he would of done the same to you.

What you are missing is the company and the love you had ok you thought this guy was the b and end all. But he wasn't all he is is a lier and a cheat it was all FALSE.
He would of never of left his wife and you would of been at his beck and call for years hoping..
Think your self lucky your not there listening to the sh!t coming out of his gob..................

[tufty7]

Sorry to listen to this sosad, I reckon you might be a little depressed, firstly change your user name cos that in itself is enough to remind you of misery , life is not a rehersall, live it to the full , go out mingle with others because there are other far better people out there who will give you the love and attention you need, Sorry to be so blunt but youve got to move on or stay and wallow in it , he doesnt sound like he was up to much anyway , far better fish in the sea........

[sosad]

I know you are all giving great advice - thank you!
I am not in a consitant pit of sadness. I avoid them as much as I can at work. Because i do feel like he's rubbing my nose in it. I am moving on in lots of ways and will keep you posted when I have more news on this.
And you are right, I think he is a recidivist when it comes to having affairs and lets face it, although he left his wife and two kids, he still cheated on his new bit with me before he finished it and then once he left his wife, he cheated on this bit by going on holiday to see his parents in sunny Majorca and sleeping with his wife again.
In my mind I did believe everything he told me, how we were best friends, soul mates and lovers.
I know he's said the same words to his new bits and that is so shallow.
But what prompted me to write an update was because I have decided that he was no good, then he tried to book a holiday with his new bit to my friends appartment in Tenerife where I go and I have already booked. That would have meant I would be going after he came back.The thought on him and his new bit invaiding my space. It really hurt - it shocked me. I'm prepared for it a work. And although I'm asked often why I don't work out of that block anymore, I'm prepared for it. But this Holiday thing, It was like a knife going in my heart. I don't want to associate any of my future with him at all, esspecially with her.

[tufty7]

Good for you sosad, Moving on is the best thing you can do , just a word of warning though, when he has dumped her and moved on again , if he ever happens to be without a sh*g, you may be on his list to call, Don't be used, tell him you have moved on and found someone better , with more integrity .........

[rosie1965]

thuis bloke is a loser and you sholudbe glad he is no longer in your life .you deserve so much better and one day the hurt will go away. i know ive been there.mine never did change but i dont need him. nobody sholud be 2nd best. it will get better.