Stressed out of my mind- what can I do about it?

[ChocolatChip]

I have been with my partner for 6 months. I have known him a long time and I love him dearly. At the moment we live round each families house (my family's house for a couple of nights, his family's for another couple, so on and so forth.)
however, since I first started staying at his home, I felt uncomfortable around his family, although he always says that I'm extremely welcome, I never feel it. I maybe just me. But it's driving me mad!
Whenever I have to leave my own house, or go back there from being out. I cry and cry and get so very depressed. It makes me just want to hide. and sometimes I can get away with it by doing work up in his bedroom. But apart from that I have to face them and it terrifies me.
Does anyone know of anything I can do to face my problem or calm myself down?
I think I have just worked myself up into such a state that I just can't cope or be happy whether they're nice to me or horrible.

[sara3]

why are you living like this?

[ChocolatChip]

Why? As in like why in between 2 houses?
Because we can't afford to buy a property yet. No-where near in fact. And we're still both quite young (18 and 25)
So we live between each others houses. So we get the chance to spend time with our parents.
We don't particularly like spending nights without each other, we haven't done for 6 months.

[sara3]

if you feel you have no choice then you should bite the bullet and make more of an effort to get on with his family. hiding upstairs won't improve things, and unless they're doing something to make you feel uncomfortable.. it's possibly down to you.

you're in their house and it's probably strange for them too, but try to fit in.. I think they're being generous to you and their son, as are your parents. smile, and be happy.. at least you don't have a mega-mortgage to add to your problems :o)

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks. I thought that it would probably be the response I'd get.
And they're not really doing anything, they're polite enough, but I'm just not 100% convinced by the genuine-ness of it all. I just don't feel comfortable there.
I have quite a track record for being bullied, and I think it puts me on a defensive mind set.

[sara3]

when I was young I lived between my mum's and his.. I hated it. I ended up feeling like I didn't have a home at all. I was really unhappy but circumstances meant I just had to grit my teeth and get on with it. I never felt truly "at home" at his parents but they were good enough to have me, so I smiled and pretended it was all jolly!

why don't you turn his room into a bedsit? have a tv and sofa (if there's room) and have some time to yourselves?

I wish you luck.. and just keep smiling ;o)

[terambulan]

Leave him....if he wants you badly enuf he'll find a suitable place for you both.

[lil75]

""it just makes you want to hide" hmm, I think the issue here is you accepting who you are....sounds like you are not 100% about yourself and are paraniod about what other people may think....you also say you have to face them and it terrifies you....why? Is it because you think they will not be accepting of you??? You also say that you go home and cry and cry, sounds like a build up of being tense to me when your around there...just try and relax a bit more, they are welcoming of you into there home and can probably se your tense....just chill out and go with the flow, you never know you may even allow yourself to get to know them a bit better!

[bednobs]

okay, this must be a fairly new relationship (bit nosey, but do you mind me asking what happened to your other partner?) so things are settling down. TBH i feel this is part of your larger problems of low self esteem/depression/self harm/social phobia, rather than something they are or are not doing
I dont think things are going to change whle you still suffer from the above problems.

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi CC - I think your bf's parents must accept you, otherwise they'd be badgering their son to try and find a place, and wouldn't want you staying there so often, By hiding away, you're probably making THEM feel uncomfortable. They must feel that you don't like them, otherwise you'd be making more of an effort to integrate into the family. Do you offer to help with meals, wash up and so on? Buckling in happily'll show them that you want to be part of their family group, or perhaps you just need to speak to these people on your own, and explain that you feel a bit like a fish out of water. Good luck.

[theonlyone]

just rent a bedsit and start a life together ..

[Le Chat]

I am trying to put myself in your position and there will always be a certain awkwardness living with a partners parents. For one thing, you have an issue with modesty ie, you can't step out of the shower and wander naked down the hallway, you will always need to consider who is around, Secondly, you may feel like making yourself a huge triple bacon sandwich but don't want to be seen as greedy or as 'eating all their food!' The list could go on forever!! There will always be a certain amount of functional awkwardness here and this is the feeling that you don't like. Maybe the feeling is in someway a reminder of when you were bullied in your younger days..a feeling like you don't fit and need to escape back to 'safety.' (your parents home)
I think you should ride through it and take each day at a time and congratulate yourself that you are in fact fitting in well here, instead of the opposite. As time goes on, you will feel more comfortable but you do need to address your lack of self esteem. x

[alishalexy]

If its upsetting you this much stay at home don't go. Your relationship won't last if you keep this up.
If your mum lets him stay at hers then do so, if he won't either accept a relationship where you both stay at your mums/ you spend the night at your mums and see him at his mums in the daytime/ .
I would take two weeks out stay at your mums and see if you will be happier not going and going without your boyfriend if you have to. That will give you an idea of what you need to do.
If your mum has him full time, won't it be expense in food, water etc.....added on. Is that fair, will there be complaints later.
You should stay at your own homes until you find your own place/rent.
Can't you go to his home and forget how you think they feel and just make them accept you.
The question is how much do you want to be with him.