how do you get over a break up when they have left for someone else.

[Jenarry]

I am devastated. what hasn't helped is that I had to find out for myself. my bf said he was moving out to have space to think about how he feels about us as well as a whole other problems. his opening statement when he told me was 'just to reassure you there's no-one else'. in the following days when i was talking to him and trying to establish how he was feeling,if there was any hope for us,etc he was very vague and kept saying he didn't know how he felt cos his head was in turmoil.then a week later i realised what the real issue was he's been seeing or has been interested in some-one else. i can't believe how much this hurts especially as i've found out this seemed to have started 2 months ago just 2 or 3 days before our little boy's birthday. he denies that he's seeing her even now although i know he texts/calls her everyday and spends evenings with her. i don't know if he's not telling me it's over because he's keeping his options open in case it doesn't work out with this homewrecker(she knew we were engaged and have a little boy) or because he doesn't want to hurt me (he's usually mr nice guy) or he's just too weak to do it and is waiting for me to do it. any ideas anyone on what's going on in his head and how i can get over this. :o(

[Pigletion]

I don't think there will be any quick fix, as these things take time.

Just realise the most important person here is your little boy (which I'm sure you already know :).

Don't spend time blaming her, although morally she may be questionable, your partner is the one who responsible for hurting you. I mainly say this as blame and hatred can eat you up and take up a lot of unnecessary time and energy when you have much better things to concentrate on (not trying to excuse anyone, just trying to help you).

Concentrate on making yourself and your son happy and think rationally about the answers you want from your fiance. I realise this isn't easy to do at this time, so maybe having some space from him will help you clarify things. If you have been together a long time, a month or so apart won't be the end of things. If he has decided to move on, then so be it. I do however think you deserve an explanation and that he is being weak, so maybe after some time to think about your relationship from an objective point of view you can ask him the questions you want, and deserve, answers to.

This is all really hard to do when you are hurting. Have you got any friends you can go to to have a good cry and a rant? They might help you see things in a new light.

Hope things get better soon, just think of your and your son's welfare first, it will give you something to focus on.

[Redrum]

I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking situation. Sadly there is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel ok about all this mess..but can I just say 'it takes two to tango' i know you feel bitterness towards this 'homewrecker', and understandably so, BUT this is not her fault, it is partly his also, he should have avoided temptation no matter how much he was attracted to her, but men are weak, so easier said than done. Why do people who's male partners have 'strayed' blame the woman ???? Not sure how long you have been together, or how old you both are, how old is your little boy ? It could be the parent thing is not for him...and he likes the no strings fling.....there are no reasons for why people have affairs really, other than they think the grass is greener, whatever the reason is here, I am sorry to say you can't change the way someone feels. You are going to have to get through this hurt and pain the best way you can, which will take time. Good luck.

[Velvetee]

I'm sorry to hear how upset you are regarding your Partner. Mine was Mr Nice Guy too, would never have expected him to chase another woman, but it appears he was. I found out a few weeks after my mum died and I was about 29 weeks pregnant.

He didn't leave though and we are trying to work things out, but I think he's still with me because of the baby, who's due this weekend. We were also due to get married and this tart he was hankering after knew he was engaged to me, with a baby on the way.

It sounds like your partner is having a relationship with this woman, but perhaps you can salvage the relationship, although he needs to decide this is what he wants. If not, then he should stop building your hopes of a reconciliation and you can both move on and decide how best to deal with things, so there is as little upheaval as possible for your son.

It will take time to recover from this. I'm sure you feel like I did and still do, confused, bitter and extremely hurt. I hope things work out for you and your little boy.

[tamborine]

Concentrate on your son and try to ignore your feelings of your OHs meanderings. This takes determination and strength, which you must find for your sake & your son. Keep the father welcome. He will see his stupidity & realise the risk he is putting his son to.

Ofcourse, you dont have to be a doormat and can be out when he calls - 'when the cats away etc' If he doesn't know where you are his imagination will over-power his lust and have him crawling back.

[Jenarry]

thankyou all for your avdvice. tamborine i've heard and read this advice alot. bout putting on gladrags and going out and enjoying yourself ,not contacting bloke. i,ve been trying to do this altho it is very hard and i want to talk to him and tell him how i feel and try and salvage things. then i had some professional advice today and with regards the way he has left me hanging she says sometimes the best way to deal with it is to set a dead line that at the end he either gives up the other person and comes back to me and we work hard at fixing things or it is over forever for us. what do u think. still struggling with all this altho i am trying to do what's best for my son and myself.