"David Cameron, I am arresting you on suspicion of fraud, to wit that you have pretended to be the Prime Minister of this country, thereby procuring a pecuniary advantage by deceit, also that you are a known associate of rogues and vagabonds, to wit one Nicholas Clegg and his notorious gang of impostors. Also, that you have deprived the rightful Prime Minister of this country, one Gordon Brown, from occupancy of his lawful residence. You do not have to say anything..."