Feeling guilty for not helping kids out with more financially : (

[Smowball]

Three of my children have left home or live with partner, one is still at home. They generally work hard and pay all their bills, etc. But they are all still struggling at the moment, like a huge amount of people. I have seen all of the older ones this week, given them all some money each, taken them shopping, but still left feeling I hadnt done enough as I know each of them was still worrying about how to pay something else ie car tax, phone bill etc. Its just that it is not possible to help them out with everything, I dont have a bottomless pit of money, and they dont even really ask me for anything. But I feel so bad as a parent that they are finding things tough and are worrying : (

[Maydup]

Well they're very lucky to have you as a parent smowball and you shouldn't feel guilty at all.

You can cheer them up with a few treats as you have done this week and I know you wouldn't see them without a roof over their heads, but if they have to give up thier cars or phones to make ends meet they will survive it and need to feel that rather than have someone do it for them.

Now go buy yourself a bunch of daffs and a cream cake!

[VHG]

They need to learn to stand on their own two feet and learn to live within their means.

You have brought them up and sent them on their way out to the big wide world, now they need to get on with it.

Help them out now and again if you like, but dont feel guilty if you cant do more.

I am not being rotten, but you have earned your money so it is time to spend it on yourself.

[flump1]

What a lovely thing to do for your kids snowball, as previously said, you can't keep them in the style they want to live in.....but helping them now and again with what you did is most generous and they are probably thrilled . They may talk about their finances like we all tend to do , and I suspect we may be guilty of one-upmanship when we chat among our family/ friends ! Quite why we do it , I don't know. Try not to worry , you have been a great help and chances are your children get by just fine x

[craft1948]

I offered to pay the daughter's mortgage off.................she declined and told me to spend the money on myself.

[ummmm]

You're being too hard on yourself. I've said no to my daughter on a few occasions. They have to learn to live within their means...and it really is as simple as that.

[Rodge2]

Would you be able to provide help in an alternative form - like helping them with budgeting or cutting back in areas they may not have thought of.. like in their weekly shop for example.

[Sqad]

VHG's post is in my opinion.....spot on.

[boxtops]

I think you're generous, but they really do need to stand on their own two feet. If they really get stuck, then they know they can ask you - but for day to day stuff, we are all in the same situation.

[albaqwerty]

Do not feel guilty. They will appreciate your help and worry about repaying you.
The cost of gas and electric is shocking so money which would normally go on saving for road tax etc has probably eaten into their budgets big style.
It's a parent's job to worry about their childrem comes with the territory. The worries change as the children get older. xx

[chaptazbru]

I too agree with VHG. You're a good Mum and you've done your very best.

[Smowball]

Thanks guys, I guess that I dont like to see them struggle as I did, its no fun. I did cook them all a meal lastnight and we tried to come up with ways that they could earn more money for the ones that have had their hours cut. We looked on the internet at job sites etc, discussed bulk buying shopping and cooking double batches for certain things etc. Guess there isnt a huge amount more that I can do really is there.

[gness]

Wish I`d had a mum like you when I was struggling. You`re being a great mum and they`ll know it.

[karajan]

You have nothing to feel guilty about , you're a great mum , and I'm sure your children appreciate all you do for them , they're lucky to have you , stop beating yourself and remember to look after yourself too x

[Smowball]

Aww thanks guys, you have made me feel much better.x

[beanebabe]

Agree with everything the others have said. I despair of a lot of people who say they are hard up and struggle to pay for the essentials, car, food, heating etc when they fritter money away on all sorts of non essentials. If any of your brood smoke, drink, buy coffee, lunches, takeaways, lots of new clothes, shoes, bags, makeup, magazines then that is where all their money is going. You've worked hard all your life, gone without whilst your children were young, now it's time to look after yourself and start teaching your children to stand on their own feet. They will never act responsibly if they can rely on you to bail them out everytime they are short.

[Smowball]

You have spoken very true words there. Although they are all very independent and honestly do not ring me up for anything unless its a dire emergency, they do all have the latest mobiles, which must cost a fair bit a month. I did know that they hadnt bought any decent clothes for a while and so took them shopping to buy some essentials which they seemed to love.

[joko]

i agree...they are grown ups and need to learn to budget better... help them out now and again with a bit here and there...but see it as a bonus not a requirement

are they the sort that have to have name brands and latest models etc?

as beanebabe said many people moan theyre skint because they cannot afford the latest iphone, rather than cant afford proper food - big difference...

[Smowball]

Know what you mean joko. They are actually pretty good, its just tough everywhere at the min isnt it

[welshlibranr]

lots of us struggled when we were younger with young families, and of course our parents helped out when they could, but at the end of the day you can only do what you can do!........and in all honesty, they really do need to stand on their own feet!.........let's face it, they can't be tied to your apron strings forever!..........

[MartinBev58]

I am helping my 2 daughters out a lot. I am widowed, inherited my fathers bungow and got a good pension and a widows occupational pension.
I tend to concentrate on the more mundane things like paying for health insurance and help them buy their houses.
I just do not see the point of keeping loads of money in the bank which I will never use.
I have also set up some savings accounts for my 2 granddaughters but I think there will be more soon.
I let my daughters buy their own mobile phones cars etc although they do not go for top model cars and my 1 daughter has just replaced her old phone with a £30 one as the old one was faulty.
I just hope that they will soon start putting some money away for their children.

Martin