Old Tarbuck one

DTCwordfan | 17:42 Sat 31st Mar 2012 | Jokes

4 Answers

Inspired by the thread about Noise in Schools and my comment that if you buy a house near a golf course, then you can't complain about golf balls peppering your garden.

Jimmy T playing Sunningdale and coming down the 14th, big houses backing onto the course, well their gardens that is.

He hooks his ball into a garden and goes to retrieve the ball.

A Japanese guy comes rushing out.
"Aaaah wot yew think you doin'?"

"I've just come to pick up my golf ball"

"Aaaaah No, mi ploperty now"

"Here at Sunningdale, we pick them up so kids or animals don't get them, or they get under the lawn mowers."

"Ole English sayin - Ingleesh man's houz his cassle."

"Look, don't take that attitude. Under old English law, I can challenge you to a duel."

"Wot duall?"

"A fight - with weapons of my choice."

"Oh velly interessing, what weapons?"

"Well I am not going to use my Pings here, I will tell you what we will do. You stand there, open your legs and I'll knee you in your nuts. Then when you get up, you do it to me and whoever stays on the ground longest, gets to keep the golf-ball."

"Aaaahya, velly, velly differen', velly honourable. You go first."

The Japanese opens his legs, JT moves in and nuts him with his knee.

He's on the ground for a minute and a half, takes his time rising, slapping his head with his hand and shouting Ayaaaah, Ayaaah, Brrrrr.

Some three minutes gone, he says, "Now my tun"

"Oh, keep the fecking golf ball."