help with a 14 year old

[hammerman]

Just need your help again regarding my 14 year old daughter.

She's a good kid, bit stroppy some times, works hard and earns her own money part time, loves fashion and clothes, make-up etc and has some good friends. No boyfriend as far as i know yet.

Anyway, she keeps putting something on facebook. She'll write "like" for a rate. So people press her "like" button and she'll write a comment rating them.

Well last night, i saw some of her comments to some of the boys who had "liked" her. At least 3 of her replies were along the lines of "hey, haven't seen you for ages, you're well hot, we must get together sometime"

I went a bit mad at her and told her she sounds like some desperate slapper. A bit harsh ? maybe, maybe not but she was in floods of tears. I tried explaining to her that if you speak like that to boys, you could open yourself up to all sorts of inappropriate stuff and i only have her best interest at heart etc.

Was i right ? what would you have done ?

[NoMercy]

I think you were right to tell her straight. Facebook is very public and she could quickly get a reputation which could then lead to bullying.

[ummmm]

It's not just your daughter. I'm 'friends' with my kids friends and they all post nonsense like that. It's an age group thing.

[woofgang]

well maybe you might have worded it slightly differently but I think your point is well made. Perhaps an apology for your choice of words together with a more tactful conversation?

[friedgreentomato]

My 14 year old sister does the same and writes she's married or in a relationship, however knowing my sister I know it is just Facebook talk, I do think you were overly harsh suggesting she was not much better than a slapper

[Mosaic]

I think you were right to tell her straight and to advise caution. Just because other girls and women cheapen themselves does not mean you as a parent should condone and even encourage it. personal dignity and a sense of self-worth should be nurtured, especially in online behaviour.
There have been cases of girls bullying other girls by acting online as boys who are interested, then manufacturing very public and humiliated 'break-ups' eg 'I went to meet you but you were so ugly I walked off'. Very damaging and best avoided.

[flump1]

Maybe a tad harsh telling her she sounds like a desperate slapper ? Too right hammerman, what a horrible thing to say ! Kids get on facebook and write all sorts of junk including the rate thing. They do it through boredom and to see it anybody they know actually reads their status. You are right to be concerned but a more gentle approach would have been appreciated. Give her a big hug,and explain how it is from your angle, a bit of a shock to read a boy describes her as 'hot'.

[rockyracoon]

It definitely warrants a conversation, I'm always amazed what some people say on FB, things they would never, ever say to a roomful of people. Also agree with Ummmm, I've cut all kids out of my newsfeed, the incessant juvenile drivel drives me insane.

[karenmac60]

I think you were pretty harsh tbh. 'Hot' is a word my daughter and her friends use all the time and it doesn't seem to have quite the same strength of meaning as it used to. It's not so much that your daughter is telling boys they are sexy and she wants to get together with them. The hot part is the rating she has posted about and it's basocally just friends complimenting each other ie - acknowledge my post and I'll say something nice to you. It doesn't have any sexual connotations and she is not behaving like a slapper or cheapening herself - she is simply using the language of teenagers.

[yogasun]

Agree with ummmm. I've seen friends' teens who are 'friends' of mine put stuff like that. It's so irritating that I either unfriend or hide their trivial posts. Facebook can be useful but also, as NoM said could lead to unpleasantness.

[joeluke]

You were right to react the way you did, facebook has a lot to answer for

[ummmm]

It's just kids talk. My son was in fits of giggles earlier because someone on TV said they had a beaver.

[joeluke]

Kids innocence is taken away far too early these days

[Mick-Talbot]

*Titterfarkle* ' beaver

[ummmm]

Joe, just because they are more aware of the birds and bees it doesn't mean they act on it.

Mick...honestly, you have to laugh. She said something like "I have a nice beaver" Son started laughing, OH started laughing, I was laughing at them laughing. Boys are so immature!!!

[Mick-Talbot]

sorry ...

I wouldn't go over the top, hammerman...try to think back to when you were 14. Although you never had the internet were you that different at her age?

Yes, like Nom has said tell her to be careful, so she does not to get a undeserved reputation. Or just as importantly...bullied.

[ummmm]

Don't ever call your daughter a slapper.

[Mick-Talbot]

I went a bit mad at her and told her she sounds like some desperate slapper. A bit harsh ?

Very harsh and out of order, you will lose her respect acting like that.

[albaqwerty]

That insult will rear it's ugly head in years to come.

She will remember it as she was in floods of tears.

You say you have her best interests at heart, but insulting her like that makes me wonder.

[friedgreentomato]

the child will start hiding things from you a nasty nasty thing for a father to say to his daughter

[2sp_]

I have to say that calling your daughter a slapper was really a bad move. I understand that you are concerned for her reputation and safety, but that will hurt her for a very long time.

You really need to sit down and talk to her like an adult, explain why she needs to be careful about what she writes on FB.

And most of all, apologise for saying something so awful to her.