Domestic Violence - What Shall I Do?

[phleb]

I have been helping my hubby all month with his property business, cleaning the most dirtiest houses for him. I cook and clean, take the kids to school, and then go to work every morning. I struggle financially with what little i earn and tax credit top up. I have no money for luxery items, or anything decent for myself to wear (my mum reminds me everyday i don't dress up anymore). I am not feminine anymore, i have learnt to fight back, in a weird way. I stopped going to the gym, put on over 2 stones, becuase when i have cooked his lunch, cleaned the house, i am too exhausted to go to the gym or anywhere else. I sleep every afternoon after work, after my chores. I am depressed beyond belief, i seem fine some days, then i get overwhelmed with everything.

Today, he asked for a packet of biccies, i was peeling potatoes for the kids supper, so said to him to get them himself. He came into the kitchen, and punched me on my arm. I ignored it. He opened a packet of biscuits that was new, without checking if one was already opened. I just said why did you open that? (he never pays towards the food) and he threw several more punches to me, missing my jaw.

I have now decided i will leave. The problem is that its easier to be beaten than to start over again. Where do i start? please advice me?

[DJHawkes]

no, wait, organise, re-group, set up an escape plan, clothes, bank account etc, at your mum's find a place, leave him when you have everything just ready. You will stay calmer knowing you are going to get away,

[nungate]

I think your first step should be the police and have him charged with assault - sounds extreme but you ought not to put up with this. Then you could try women's aid for help they can give you shelter and advice. The easy option is not an option at all. Do you want your children to see their mother beaten?
Get out now please.

[NoMercy]

Firstly, you need to make a statement to the Police. Then you need to get the locks changed.

Good luck.

[Barmaid]

Sod waiting Dot. Phleb should get the bastard out before he does her serious damage. I'd suggest thinking about a non-molestation order.

Phleb - sod the easier option being beaten. For goodness sake, no-one deserves to be beaten. Phleb - call this organisation for help http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

[phleb]

He blames me everytime he hits me. He has always been abusive, calls me terrible names everyday like fat sh!t, and dog etc i have just looked at the links that you have kindly provided, and will contact womens aid. wish me the best, i really hope i am strong enough to start again somewhere new. It would mean leaving schools, work etc...will be really hard.

[FredPuli43]

And then he'll come over all apologetic and loving. That's what men like him always do, the poor woman is so unable to think straight that she stays with him, and after a while he does it again, and the whole cycle is repeated. It's standard controlling behaviour, each time it happens he's getting more control. He probably says things like "We only need each other; it's just you and me, babe [or whatever affectionate word he uses]" as well.He will not change.

Get on to the site in Barmaid's link. Take their advice. Don't listen to his excuses.

[phleb]

He never says sorry though, things just fall back into the mundane routine again

[FredPuli43]

Hadn't read your last post; I was typing as you sent it. It just confirms everything. It will always be "your fault". He will eventually have you brainwashed into thinking it must be true; it must be your fault, otherwise why would he say and do these things, is the way you'll be persuaded to think. After all,he can be affectionate some times, goes the warped thinking.

Get out when and as soon as you can.

[DJHawkes]

So she goes and leaves th kids behind? How will that be a good thing? You can't keep a job when you have nowhere to live and kids in tow, it takes planning.

[abstibus]

I can't add to the advice you have been given, but your post saying 'it's easier to be beaten than to start over again' is so sad.
I hope you get the strength to do what you need to do.

[tonyav]

phleb either you or he has got to go and it's got to be asap, please do take BM's links advice.

[Barmaid]

Sorry Phleb, but you are living with an abuser and his abuse will only get worse. But I think you know this. Call Women's Aid and get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

I wish you luck.

[Old_Geezer]

You may thing it easier to be beaten but you are not considering the long term consequences. Eventually you are either going to get out anyway, or will have left it too late.

Are there no refuges in the phone book as a place to start and get help/advice ?

[Old_Geezer]

I must read threads with my eyes shut. Could swear there were no answers !

[Barmaid]

Dot, you can't stay if you are being beaten -how the hell does that help the kids? I'm sorry, normally I agree with you but in this instance, phleb needs to get the hell out of there quickly. How long will it take phleb to "save" for her exit/ That advice is nuts. She is being abused in the worst way possible.

She needs advice on domestic abuse quickly.

[lcg]

call the police and have him arrested and do not let him back into the house again. gather your important documents and an escape bag for you and each of your children. go to a solicitor on monday morning and get an injunction out/or a non-molestation order. alternatively you can get your emergency stuff together over the weekend and when you take the kids o school on monday morning, go to your local homelessness unit and inform them you are suffering from domestic violence - the have a duty to house you and your children IMMEDIATELY. it might be a shelter, a one room temporary thing, a b+b, but they HAVE to rehouse you. good luck x

[DaisyNonna]

Phleb, get out now! At the moment you are the focus of violence. What happens if he switches to hurt your children? Do they witness what happens to you? May scar them for life.

[DJHawkes]

so she gets out, leaves the kids, then goes to work and tries to take blood from patients? Hope she can stay focused. She should stay put and get organised, it took too long for her to get the job she wanted, it would be crazy to let him lose it for her.,