Speaking Ill Of The Dead - Right Or Wrong?

[mrs_overall]

A fairly well known local man died last Thursday. He wasn't the most popular man in town but the amount of vitriolic comments I have heard about him since he died has surprised me. Not one person has expressed their sorrow for his three young children: all comments seem to be along the lines of good riddance to bad rubbish.
I am not saying I liked this man but I think the comments I have heard are disrespectful to his family.

[jno]

depends - where and how were the comments made? If it's just people sounding off in the corner shop, then it probably won't hurt the kids. If it's letters to the local paper then no, that's rude.

[Ann]

Hi Mrs O - that quite surprises me, as it's usually the other way round. People fall over themselves to say what a lovely person he/she was even if they didn't get on with them while they were alive. Especially long lost relatives, who come crawling out of the woodwork if they get even a sniff of a will in the offing!!

[naomi24]

In a case like that it’s kinder to the family to keep ones opinions to oneself. What really bugs me is when the deceased was nasty in life, and suddenly in death is portrayed by all and sundry as having been a veritable angel (no pun intended).

[anneasquith]

oops.............................sorry.

[Mosaic]

Ah, small town parish politics. This was what kept Hitler in power. Rise above it m'dear, the family will have to deal with it. If your conscience piques you, speak your mind. You will however be talked about......

[AB Editor]

Try again without shouting Anne.

[Ann]

Meant to add, that is awful for his family especially if he has young children, comments like that can be very cruel in the school playground. Poor children if they hear people saying things like that.

[Ratty2E]

I don't believe just because someone has died that they suddenly become wonderful people even if they were right barstewards in life. But there is no need to be nasty about them in public especially if family and kids will hear it.

[mrs_overall]

I have nothing good to say about the man so I choose to say nothing at all

[anneasquith]

a genuine error ed. .

[naomi24]

Wise lady. ;o)

[douglas9401]

The family may well hold the same opinions and your worrying is for nothing.

[naomi24]

That was to Mrs.O.

[RATTER15]

Leave her Ed, she just got out of bed, still a bit touchy until her 12th cup of tea, bless her little heart :-))

[Peter Pedant]

.

de mortuis nil nisi bonum

the sentiment has been around so long that I can even give it in Latin.

I think since a few people have died that done me wrong - that is depends.
If you are an onlooker you can grieve for the children etc but if it has happened to yourself, perhaps you are less grief-stricken and attend the funeral purely to make sure the coffin doesnt open and the fella jump out - or if it does.

If you have spent twenty years with a colleague who complains he is surrounded by useless unproductive turkeys, and HE is worth an inflated wage but no one else is, I can tell you from experience, that it is difficult to pitch up at his funeral with real tears in your eyes.....

[mrs_overall]

douglas, whatever his faults were, he idolised his children and was a great dad. It annoys me that they WILL get to hear some of the unpleasant comments because that is how it goes in small insular communities

[emmie]

one of the neighbours was truly awful, she spoke ill of just about anyone, when she passed away i didn't think oh good, but that perhaps she has found some peace. I didn't like her nor she me, and had been called a variety of choice names, which i didn't retaliate to, better to stay out of their way. Why not just leave them to it, and the family can come to terms with their loss.

[AB Editor]

"a genuine error ed."

I know. I don't disagree with you either.

[FredPuli43]

Better to reserve comment until a good time has passed. Though it is possible to comment without being overtly offensive. When the boss of Columbia Pictures, Harry Cohn, had died of a heart attack, Red Skelton observed the huge crowd at the funeral and said "It proves what Harry always said.If you give the public what they want, they'll come out for it" :)