How Can I Help My Nephew

[dinkleboo]

Hello, I really need some help with this, so any feedback would be good
. My nephew is 16, his mum (my sister) is an alcoholic, she never admitted her abuse of booze until recently, she is in an abusive relationship, and as a result of all the fighting got evicted from her home, she has nothing, no money, no job, I have tried helping her by taking her to aa, and tried to support her with advice and just generally trying to be there for her, but I am constantly met with her aggression after shes had another skinful and I cant help her whilst she is going against what im trying to do. My sister and her son where put in emergency hostel accomodation, but the council refuse to help as they say she made herself homeless by causing problems and getting evicted, she has to be out by tommorow. I refuse to have her live with me as I have my own family and I dont want her drunken behaviour around my children, also I just dont have the room, her son (my nephew) is coming to stay with me as of tommorow but I have no spare room or bed for him. My question is, what can I do to help him, not my sister, shes old enough to know better, but I feel this has all come crashing down on me, I havent the room but obviously wont see him on the street, he is a good kid and I want to find a long term solution for him, but I dont know where to start, any advice would be much appreciated, tia

[ummmm]

He can sleep on the sofa to start with.

Can he share a bedroom with one of your kids? Is there anywhere you can put a small sofa bed?

[murraymints]

Sis can go to women's aid for help or council homeless dept for help...nephew will be very different... you need to speak to social services to explore range of help and support..in short term he just needss a roof and bed..and to feel safe and loved...good luck...God bless you for wanting to help him..

[Connemmara]

ummmm - i think dinkle is looking for a very long term solution for her nephew -

[Jeza]

I feel for you. Been there done that and got the T Shirt. I hope you can take your nephew in and give him the care he needs. Good Luck.

[ummmm]

I have my nephew living with me, we made room.

He's older though.

[Connemmara]

that's kind of you Ummmm - hard to do particularly when you have children of your own.

[grasscarp]

You are being a good aunt to do this. You just need to find him some place for him. He will have clothes and belongings that will need to be put somewhere. I had my nephew staying for a while. Nothing like your situation as already adult. He slept on a sofa and things in a suitcase but was alright. Somewhere to sleep and eat and talk or watch tv. If you can manage all this you are doing well.

[dinkleboo]

Thankyou all, I forgot to mention I already have one of her sons living with me as he couldnt cope with his mums lifestyle anymore, he has blossomed so much already just by living with us :-) so I really havent got anymore room, im a working single parent so the strain this has put on me feels enormous. I will of course make sure the 16 year old is fed and watered but he will have to sleep on the sofa, this I am not happy about as I feel he should have his own bed :-( but I suppose its something. He is also so sick of his mum and has had enough, but financially and space wise I cant afford 4 children and sont have adequate space. I did call social services and told them my sister was alcohol dependent and that she wasnt looking after anyone, they contacted her, she denied any problem and that was that! I just dont know where to go from here, I love the boys like they are my own...just wished my sister would sort her mess of a life out...what to do next, I dont know x

[ummmm]

Is he still in full time education?

[DJHawkes]

If she has no money she must be stealing the booze and so she'll soon get locked up, problem solved

[grasscarp]

Maybe you could speak to social services again and say there is a problem or why would two of her children need to live with you. It is not right that they accept her word. They should realise that this is what a defensive and probably ashamed person would say. This is so difficult being your sister as I am sure you also feel sad for her.

[lcg]

just what you are doing. let him have your sofa, integrate into 'normal' family life for a while and settle down. also, see if he needs help with any emotional/psychiatric support and register him/take him to your gp. he may need quite a lot of help to begin with. also, somewhere like a drop in centre for young people may help him to connect with others his age and give him support in getting work, qualifications or other avenues for his future. don't overload him to begin with and just show him that you love him and are there for him - all kids need to know that, however old they are. good luck - you are an incredibly caring person x

[ummmm]

Because he's 16 I'm not sure social services would be interested.

[ladybirder]

I don't understand the system now but could dinkle claim child tax credit for looking after her sister's two children?

[dinkleboo]

I dont feel sad for my sister anymore, I have tried really hard to support her, sometimes she works with me but other times she gets abusive and starts shouting at me! I cant help someone that doesnt want to help themselves, so she can get onxwithxit. Thanks everyone for your input, I will do everything in my power to help these kids, they know I love them, and considering what they have been through they are very level headed. I think with social services they dont want to know as he is 16, but its so unfair on the rest of the family, my workload at home has become really hard! I am going to contact social services tommorow and insist they help me with this, Im actually struggling doing all this by myself, my sister has a lot to answer for...I will update you tommorow when I get some answers, thanks again x

[dinkleboo]

Just to add, yes he is in full time education x

[pusskin]

dinkleboo, just to say that i think your marvelous.
Such a very caring person, and you will get your reward when the boys are happy and settled and will love you forever more for all that you are doing for them x

[ummmm]

How old is his brother?

You need to firstly phone HMRC regarding child benefit and working tax credit.

[society]

Your nephews couldn't have a better aunty. I hope they never forget your kindness towards them. What a wonderful person you are!

[dinkleboo]

Pusskin and society, tankyou for your lovely words, it is very kind of you, actually made me shed a little tear or 2 x The son already living with me is 19, he works butcdoesnt earn eough to get them a place together...all I can do is try my best tommorow and see what happens, ill update you, in the meantime, imxshattered and need some rest, so goodnight all x