Another Little Collection.

marval | 16:12 Fri 15th Nov 2013 | Jokes

2 Answers

The car park I was in today had a sign which said "You will be charged after two hours".
"How kind," I thought as I parked my electric car.

I walked into a cobblers and asked "Do you repair shoes?"
"Yes." said the cobbler.
"Good," I replied, handing him a shoe, "Can you find the other one for this please?"

I asked the chemist, "What's best for nasty insect bites?"
"Probably mosquitoes," he replied.

Just walked past a pub sign that read "Three courses £15.00"
Feel sorry for all those students paying about £9,000 for one.

Paddy is fitting a kitchen in a posh house when the woman asks him if he'd like something to drink. Paddy accepts and soon after the woman brings him a mug of coffee.
"Excellent coffee, to be sure," says Paddy.
"Thank you," says the woman. "My husband brought it back from Brazil."
"That's great," says Paddy, "and it's still warm as well."

We stopped at one of those 'Pick your Own' farms today and were allowed to fill a basket for five pounds.
Bargain. Even if it did take us 4 hours to chop that cow up.

''I got fired from my job as a vet this morning for a spoonerism.'' I said to my mate.
"What's a spoonerism?" He asked.
"It's when you mix the first letters of two words up.''
"How could you possibly get fired for that?''
"Long story short, some woman brought in a litter of pups, concerned about the small ones health. Basically I said she was a scruffy but capable runt..''

At 79, I'm still making rampant love.
I just hope the neighbours at 77 aren't too disturbed.

I have a degree in cooking
Another 200+ and I'll be able to bake something.